Caught between sharing and contentment

“My neighbor bullies my son and deprives him of his toys for the sake of her child. She forcefully took my son’s bicycle from him and gave it to her son because he had refused to give it willingly; leaving my son crying back home. I was furious and had to warn her to allow […]

“My neighbor bullies my son and deprives him of his toys for the sake of her child. She forcefully took my son’s bicycle from him and gave it to her son because he had refused to give it willingly; leaving my son crying back home. I was furious and had to warn her to allow the children be, telling her that if my son wants to share, it should be willingly and not forcefully. As a mother was I wrong?”
Bullying is something children experience among their peers in school. But when bullied by elders, especially parents of friends, it can be traumatising. But then, should children be encouraged to be clingy?
Rukayat Bashir, a 38-year-old-entrepreneur, says: “As parents, we should let our children live within our means. If my son wants a bicycle, then I will try to get one for him and if I cannot afford it, I don’t think I will go around bullying children whose parents can afford one for the sake of my child in the name of sharing. It’s good to share but you don’t force someone to share unwillingly. This is a woman, a grown up, bullying another person’s child and forcing the said child to part with his personal belonging in order to satisfy her own child. That is totally wrong, on all levels.”
Rukayat’s sister however, has a different view. 35-year-old lawyer Laila believes that teaching a child not to share means teaching him/her to be stingy. “Even a child who has countless bicycles at home will be excited to get a ride on his friend’s bike when he visits. Teaching your child to be clingy to items doesn’t make sense either. That a parent cannot afford an item for the child does not in any way disqualify the child from sharing with those that have,” she noted. “You can afford it today, what about tomorrow? It’s best to teach children how to share, if your child learns to share his things with friends, you will as well have raised an independent child,” the younger Bashir advises.
Forty-year-old Ada Ebeke, a civil servant, opines that the mother of the owner reserves the right to give the friend the bicycle: “This is because she is the mother of the child and she bought the bicycle for the child.” Ebeke adds that: “The point here is that the neighbour crossed her boundaries when she bullied the child and forcefully took the bicycle for her child; that is very wrong.”
Kids will always be kids and its adults who teach them to be wicked and harsh, says 39-year-old accountant Fatima Bilal: “We all do not know tomorrow, please parents let us teach our children what is right. Let children be children, let us not teach them to be wicked. Kids always share. The reason why some do not want to share is because we have taught them that way, which is not how life is supposed to be. If a poor child does not have today, it does not mean he/she will be like that forever! The sun shines on the rich and the poor. Life is a merry-go- round; you do not know what life will bring to your home or to that other child’s home. Let kids be.”
She adds that: “Children should be taught to share, not that bullying or forcing them to part with their items is encouraged. On the other hand, children should also be taught to be contented with whatever they have so that they don’t grow up thinking they can take other people’s things by force. If they need to share something with a friend, they should be taught to take permission from the owner. Some mothers do really get it wrong when it comes to parenting. Giving is an act done willingly not forcefully. In my place, there is a saying that ‘you don’t take a thing from a child to calm another crying child down.’”
Marriage counsellor Hajiya Maryan Abdullahi explains that: “It’s good we teach children (and even adults) to share with others because there is love in sharing. Never discourage children from sharing with others. Teach them to always remember that in life the only secret to receiving is in giving. My friend once made an issue about this same sharing thing in my house, she complained that I make my son share his toys willingly and unwillingly sometimes and that it was wrong. My exact response to her then was and till date still is, ‘in 30 years’ time I want to look at my son and see a man who can share his things.’ Sharing doesn’t make the item less his; it only helps him reach out to make another kid smile.”
Using herself as an example, she noted that: “I was trained not to borrow anything from childhood and be contented with whatever I had and share the little we have. Now as a mother, I am impacting same to my kids. If friends want to share with them, it’s ok but not by bullying the owner. Secondly, your neighbour is operating from a low level of emotional maturity that is why she used force, which speaks a lot about her values and personality; she ought to be ashamed and learn to be contented because obviously, she is not and is actively teaching her child greed and covetousness. Both women have teachings to do, the love of sharing and the act of contentment.”