Of Kogi marriage and global emissions

The wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever created, so choose your cellmate carefully and sentence yourself wisely! – Author anonymous. – You didn’t tell me you’re taking a second wife. – Chances are… – Simple yes or no? – I was thinking about the Kogi conundrum. – Don’t worry about it; they’re settling it […]

The wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever created, so choose your cellmate carefully and sentence yourself wisely! – Author anonymous.
– You didn’t tell me you’re taking a second wife.
– Chances are…
– Simple yes or no?
– I was thinking about the Kogi conundrum.
– Don’t worry about it; they’re settling it with clubs and cudgels at the new Wahala Plaza. At any rate you’ve kept quiet for so long in your Sai Baba obsession as if what happens in your famous narrow bridges and Christmas traffic gridlocks is not important.
– I am not immune from happenings at home; in fact I have a suggestion for the political class.
– Which is?
– Well, I think aspirants should sign prenup.
– What is that?
– It’s an agreement before marriage. It protects rich brides or grooms from gold-diggers.
– How does it work?
– Well, in the other world, if your daughter were to marry the son of Aliko Dangote, she would have to sign on the dotted lines.
– Naturally.
– She would sign a document saying she is marrying Aliko’s son and not his father’s cash. So, if at any time things go sour and a divorce ensues, the rich boy shares nothing of his fortune with his bride except the assets and liabilities acquired after the prenup agreement.
– Nonsense niyen ke. Marriage means lock, stock and barrel for better for worse.
– It used to be.
– So this is what this pre…
– Prenup.
– So, this is what it is about?
– Yes.
– So, if Audu had made James Faleke sign that kind of prenup, in the case of death or incapacitation, his mandate would have automatically gone to his son for the continuity of the dynasty. You see there would have been no broken heads in a state with no functional consulting clinic.
– Inheritance.
– Yes o, and we would not be the first to adopt it, democratic monarchy is the popular choice in Africa. Joseph Kabila enjoys it in Congo DRC, Faure Gnassingbe in Togo, Gadaffi and Mubarak were on the verge… Sons and brothers should inherit the votes of imperial fathers; and with good manners we may consider wives. My friend, democracy may be alien to Africa, but we’re coming with moderations.
– Ludicrous, I wish Sai Baba were here to resolve the logjam.
– Unfortunately no. He was in Iran from where he moved to Malta for the Queen’s handshake…
– Ashtagafirullah!
– Wetin? Do you see Sai Baba rejecting a handshake with Mama Charlie?
– But the man refused to shake female ministers.
– Yes that’s domestic diplomacy – give to Ceaser what is Ceaser’s. His Environment Minister was in Paris for Climate Change talks.
– Climate and change, I see a familiar rhyme and refrain.
– Exactly.
– But how can we talk about reducing carbon emissions when kerosene is still beyond the reach of the common man and we fell trees indiscriminately?
– Don’t worry; Iran’s in the detail, Sai Baba was there for energy talks.
– Are we expecting President Jones-type magic stoves?
– We’ll be briefed when he returns from Pretoria before Christmas.
– Again?
– Yes o. By the way, we should find out what happened to those Oga Jona stoves because nobody got them in Okeagi and we’re committed to reducing our carbon footprints.
– How?
– By Allah’s grace.
– Keep God out of it.
– Well, I don’t see how.  We import Tokunbo cars from Europe and America and power homes and industry with Chinese generators.
– You know that generator importation is banned, so soon those who crank them would be subject to paying carbon tax.
– Really?
– Yes, as part of our unflinching commitment to reducing carbon emissions.
– What happens to our large coal deposits?
– Museums have need of them.
– And power generation?
– Look, this thing is very simple – there are 12 hours of sunlight – work in them and at sunset go to sleep or listen to tales by moonlight. People who sleep less always make bad decisions.
– Ha!
– Yes now. Why do you think America refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol?
– Why?
– They have the worst carbon footprint of the industrialised world but they have the capacity to harness other sources of energy. So they have commitments to lower their carbon footprints and can now talk tough.
– So, we are in Paris to sign our own death warrant?
– Successful suicide is free. A huge chunk of cash has been set aside to compensate developing nations to reduce their carbon footprints.
– So, they will throw that into the arena and like hungry dogs, we will fight each other for it while they figure out where next to keep us perpetually dependent.
– I bet Sai Baba and others would sign the papers without scruples.
– Well, what options do they have?