How can we discipline our children effectively?

Every parent wants their children to be happy, respectful, respected by others, and able to find their place in the world as well-behaved adults, but should they go to the extreme in doing so? How can you provide discipline to your child so that he is well behaved at home and in public? “My husband […]

Every parent wants their children to be happy, respectful, respected by others, and able to find their place in the world as well-behaved adults, but should they go to the extreme in doing so? How can you provide discipline to your child so that he is well behaved at home and in public?

“My husband always beat our kids at the slightest provocation, most especially our four-year-old-boy. I always look away most times but he has taken the beating to a different level as he now uses belts and keeps lashing them, even the four-year-old. I have tried to talk to him to use other means to discipline them but he gives the excuse that he was trained that way and it worked for him so it would work for them also. I believe in punishment to correct a child but the children are too young for such harsh punishment. How do I go about making him stop and not offending him?” This note came from a mother who needs help so Womanhood sought the advice of a cross section of people on her dilemma.
Blessing Efemaui, a 37-year-old lawyer, thinks this is a clear case of child abuse: “So, if he grew without a father he will one day leave so his kids can grow up like he did and if his dad didn’t own a car, he will never carry his kids in his own car so they can grow up like he grew up? What is this nonsense of bringing them up like he was brought up? A cane does not solve everything, he needs guidance and counselling. I don’t buy into the theory of ‘raising my kids just the way I was raised.’ Take the good, thrash the bad and the ugly. He is an abusive father and the sooner he understands that his action will be disastrous for his children’s future the better.”
PR consultant Emmanuel Davies, 36, says: “Parenting is not an avenue to practise the hard way one was brought up. That he grew up in a hard way doesn’t mean he should train his kids the hard way. That the Bible says “spare the rod and spoil the child” doesn’t mean you should kill your child with a rod. To use a belt on children, especially a four-year- old, isn’t discipline. I would advise he learns to be a father and not a bully. We fail to understand a lot about parenting 30 years ago to parenting now.”
Halima Muhammad, a 40-year-old civil servant, advises against such disciplinary techniques as they lead to resentment in the future: “Your husband needs to be careful when disciplining the children otherwise they will resent him and begin a silent rebellion that might be disastrous in the long-run. Parents should fashion out better ways of instilling discipline without conflict.”
Mabel Daniel, a 36-year-old civil servant, believes that: “Different reasons could be the cause for him beating your son in that manner. In my own case it was my mum who was very harsh towards us as children. Her actions had damaging effects on me and my other siblings later in life. It made us withdraw from her and hide a lot of things from her even as adults. I will advise the mother to protect her children because if she doesn’t then, the father/son relationship will be marred and possibly hers too. It’s not easy to repair what’s broken and the child may grow up to hate both parents because she did nothing to make it stop.”
Parents should understand that being abusive to children in the name of giving discipline can degenerate to hatred from the children. We hear stories of how some children try to commit suicide because of the kind of abusive treatment they get from their parents.
Parents should understand that they don’t have to bring up their children in the same way they were brought up, especially when it is obvious that such methods are derogatory and inhumane. Things are different now, going ahead with such an attitude will only create a wall between the child and whichever parent takes discipline to the extreme. Extreme disciplinary measures create fear in children and make them jittery.
Every child needs love and that is what every parent should give while disciplining a child. It’s good to punish kids sometimes if they go wrong and such punishments should be mild not beating and hitting them as if they are animals. The time when children were trained with punitive measures is gone.