Of gods, godlets and congenital liars

What annoys the world is not just our foolishness but the way we insist that the rest of the world believe our infantile untruths and lower their ethical standards to accommodate our perennial dishonesty.Take a simple matter like the refusal of King Mohammed of Morocco to have a telephone chat with President Jonathan because his […]

What annoys the world is not just our foolishness but the way we insist that the rest of the world believe our infantile untruths and lower their ethical standards to accommodate our perennial dishonesty.
Take a simple matter like the refusal of King Mohammed of Morocco to have a telephone chat with President Jonathan because his government “deemed it inappropriate on grounds of the upcoming elections in Nigeria”. When the snub became public knowledge, the presidency could immediately have come out clean. But they chose to allow the foreign ministry issue a rebuttal insisting that His Majesty King Mohammed VI and President Jonathan actually had a telephone discussion. Morocco expressed disgust over the ”incredible twist” of verifiable facts. It had had enough. It withdrew its ambassador to Nigeria “for consultation”. How much lower is Nigeria expected to sink before we realise that nobody can respect us as long as we continue to behave badly.
Last year, it was South Africa. A plane owned by Pastor Oritsejafor was used to ferry $9.3 million to South Africa ostensibly to buy arms to fight Boko Haram. The usual government-to-government channel was abandoned and an opaque arrangement was made allegedly with some of the president’s cronies. South African authorities also discovered another $6.7 million in their banking system from the same gang. When the South Africans raised alarm, we compounded our lawlessness with threats of closing down South African businesses in Nigeria. Which respectable government operates on the basis of blackmail?
To compound its credibility deficit, the presidency could not shop for a man or woman of integrity to speak for the Jonathan campaign. They had to exhume Femi Fani-Kayode from the cemetery of alleged economic saboteurs. Only recently he had been facing trial for graft. Last year, Fani-Kayode drew the ire of Igbo on the worldwide web when he described them as “collectively unlettered, uncouth, uncultured, unrestrained and crude in all their ways.” He said the Igbo “have no restraining factors because money and the acquisition of wealth is their sole objective and purpose in life.” He was taken to the cleaners.
I was amazed last week when the same Fani-Kayode, now on the payroll of vote-seeking Jonathan telling Igbo in Umuahia that General Buhari was their worst enemy because he was an officer during the civil war! Perhaps we should chew the cud of remembrance to properly situate where the Goebbelian Fani-Kayode is coming from.
The template for hate speech and thuggery was designed by, among others, Deputy Premier Remi Fani-Kayode (Fani-Power or Fani Igbo; igbo in Yoruba is Indian hemp) of the Western Region. Of him Femi Aribisala recently wrote concerning an incident in Ibadan when somebody in their house shouted the slogan of the rival party to Fani’s hearing: “Fani-Power turned and looked up at us. His eyes were the usual blood-shot red. At the time, many claimed it was because he regularly smoked Indian-hemp. Fani-Kayode pointed to our building and identified to his thugs that the offending shout came from our direction.” Violence followed.
Remi Fani Kayode was an unctuous liar and he was one of the reasons westerners hated his boss, Premier Ladoke Akintola, passionately. So adroit was he at the survival game that he was not killed along with Akintola in the 1966 coup. A lesson there for those who think they are benefitting from Femi Fani-Kayode’s hate mongering today. When the chips are down, today’s godlet, Femi Fani-Kayose, will vote with his feet as his father did.
Somehow, somebody seems to have convinced the presidency that a cocktail of lies, hate-mongering and personal insults on the person of Buhari is all it takes to win the forthcoming election. But Nigerians are not fooled even though Okupe and Co Inc has blasphemously compared Jonathan to Jesus Christ and some of the tribal militants have dubbed him the god of democracy.
All over the world when the going gets tough in a war situation mercenaries could come into play. I remember the Biafran plane that was shot down at the Bar Beach in Lagos around 1969 with a white pilot on board. Right now we have mercenaries working on our side against Boko Haram but because our government has made lying an official policy, no one is telling us the conditions of engagement but the South African Defence Minister, Nosiviwe Mapise-Nqakula made clear her displeasure, saying any deployment would be illegal under 1998 anti-mercenary laws. Like the arms issue, for some reason our government doesn’t have the confidence to directly seek help from foreign countries. Everything seems to depend on a maze of contracts.
Two weeks to the general elections, a memo from the Presidency has directed Niger Delta ex-militants, namely: Gen. Tompolo, Asari Dokubo and Gen. Shoot At Sight to take over Nigerian waterways and oil pipeline protection from Police and the Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC) with effect from March 16. The militants operating under seven names were allocated their regions and areas of control as follows: 1. Egbe Security River One to handle Bayelsa; 2. Gallery Security takes charge from Mosinmi to Ore; 3. Close Body Protection  -Edo State; 4. Adex Energy Security-Rivers; 5. Donyx Global Concept-Lagos and Ogun; 6. Oil Facilities Surveillance-Delta; and 7. New Age Global Security, Mosinmi-Ibadan. The security agencies that ought to do the job have been sidelined.
In the midst of all this, Mrs Jonathan told a rally in Benin-City that her husband must be returned to the State House. Her statement is not based on performance of any high ideals. She said, “Everybody is staying there for eight years. Now it is OUR turn. We must complete OUR eight years!”
The Eurasia group which recently gave General Muhammadu Buhari a 60/40 lead over President Jonathan does not think so. Now that the gods, godlets and congenital liars in Nigeria’s collegiate presidency have failed, it is clear that the only way President Jonathan can be returned to power is through rigging, As for the president’s wife, I make an invocation: When the final result of the presidential election is announced, O ye forces within my ten toes, take me far away from her location!