On the joys and travails of marriage

‘MashaAllah, and how are you otherwise?’ I asked, sitting on the edge of her bed.  ‘Alhamdulillah, as well as one can be in the circumstances.’ She replied sitting back on her prayer carpet, her prayer beads still firmly in her hand. ‘And the children, I mean those in boarding school who came home to find […]

‘MashaAllah, and how are you otherwise?’ I asked, sitting on the edge of her bed.  ‘Alhamdulillah, as well as one can be in the circumstances.’ She replied sitting back on her prayer carpet, her prayer beads still firmly in her hand.

‘And the children, I mean those in boarding school who came home to find Daddy gone, how are they taking it?’ I continued.

‘You know that was one of the things that gave me endless nightmares. I kept imagining them coming back and not comprehending at all what his absence was about. I cried a lot just thinking how they will receive the news, and I simply kept praying to Allah to make it easy for me. He SWT answered my prayers such that by the time they came I was ready for the encounter.  On their part, they saw nothing amiss apart from the fact that I didn’t go to pick them myself. Mansur never used to pick them from school, so it was always the driver and myself. They all rushed to my room and embraced me. They asked of him and I said he had gone to work. The confusion was when the younger ones said he had travelled, because that was what I had told them earlier. They all looked at me and I quickly said ‘Yes he travelled but he is back in his office now.’ I then asked everyone to go and freshen up then come back to eat lunch before we pray Zuhr together. It was after all this that I told them the truth about their father and I. Of course there were immediate tears all round, even from the little ones. I told them to stop crying, that he will still be their father and will continue to love them, but they were inconsolable.’ Asabe concluded on the verge of tears.

‘Did he try to see them?’

‘Yes he did but not that day. That day he only called them on their phones to greet them. Two days later he sent the driver to pick them up. I suppose it was his own way of saying he will see them only after they’ve got over the shock. I don’t know exactly what transpired between them but there were tantrums when they said they wanted us back together, as a family, and he said that was not possible.’ She answered.

‘You mean he actually had the guts to say to them that this was final, irrevocable?’

‘Well not in so many words, but he did say that it wasn’t possible for us to be a family again. He took them to their favourite snacks joints, but they all came with their Shawarmas and pizzas untouched. I had to go through another round of counselling before they finally ate. In short the first one week, they were devastated and it showed. They couldn’t watch their favourite TV programmes, the boys couldn’t  even play their TV games, for all intents and purposes, they staged their own brand of mourning till the shock of the incident wore off. The only thing they willingly did was attend our evening Ta’alim which we always did during the holidays. It used to be a task getting them to come to my room at 8pm in order to practice our Quranic recitation and do other spiritual exercises because that usually interfered with their TV watching, but this holiday they couldn’t wait for me to say ‘Ta’alim time’ before they will all show up carrying their Qur’an. I suppose in the light of this tragedy, they have accepted that there is no way out for us but to turn completely to Almighty Allah.’ Asabe explained.

‘Allahu akbar, it is truly a difficult time for you all, but it is admirable that they have found peace in spiritual engagements. May Almighty Allah make it even easier for you all, amin. Incidentally did he try to give them a reason as to why he did it?’

‘No he didn’t. Ummi  in particular kept asking him  ‘Why Daddy, why?’ but he kept telling them to accept it as the will of God. Of course that led her into tantrums and before long the others joined. All they were saying was for him to rise and let them all come back home. And that was the point at which he said it wasn’t possible, but that he will always be there for them.’ She answered.

‘How typical of a man to think he can act in such a dastardly manner and still get his children to believe he will be there for them. How could he be? Mansur has to accept that he has made orphans of his beautiful children. May Allah help him to realise his mistake and rectify it on time before he earns their   eternal hatred.’

‘Amin, amin my sister, though I fail to see how this can be rectified unless I marry someone else. And that’s one thing I don’t intend to do.’ She protested.

‘I know, but you know there are schools of Islamic jurisprudence which say three- divorces- at- a- go equal one. Those are the kind of Ulama we hope to get to convince him.’ I assured her.

‘Frankly Bint, I am not remotely interested. I have told you once, that if he could say three- at- a- go just to prevent any reconciliation, then he is not worth having again. I am praying for the strength to get over my dejection and be a full parent for my children. I want to accept what happened as a divine trial and move on. Marriage to Mansur or any other man is the last thing on my mind at the moment.’ Asabe ended with a raised chin and a determined tone.