Once a divorcee, always one?

Researchers have found that it is actually not so, as some people who had a first divorce can be involved in a second one. In this matter, men seem to enjoy some measure of free passage, so  when a once divorced man threatens his current wife with a divorce, his action can be termed to […]

Researchers have found that it is actually not so, as some people who had a first divorce can be involved in a second one. In this matter, men seem to enjoy some measure of free passage, so  when a once divorced man threatens his current wife with a divorce, his action can be termed to be normal. This was the conclusion of some marriage counsellors. 
“My husband (once divorced) and I have been married for nearly ten years, he now goes around telling his family and friends that he wants to divorce me. I love and have always loved him with all my heart and soul. I’m just afraid of what is going to happen to me and my daughter. I left my family and friends because I found love in him, but now he wants a divorce for just no reason. His family so poke noses in our marraige and always telling him what to do. He chooses them above me where I again chose him over my family. What do I do? I’m so confused and heart broken. Could it be because he was once divorced because he keeps telling me that he isn’t the first man who would divorce a woman more than once and would not be the last. So, I should not think that he can’t divorce me.”
Men who always threaten women with divorce see themselves as demi-gods and consider themselves as the only positive thing that might have happened in the life of the woman.  Olamiji Omosanya a male accountant says, “I think he can smell the fear of her being alone and that is why he keeps telling her such. If he keeps threatening her with divorce, it’s because he knows she can’t survive without him. I will advise she gets busy, get a job and a life. Be strong. Above all, pray against those nosy external factors called in-laws.  I know the kind of destruction they can cause especially when you have some of them staying with you. With or without men, women always find a way to live a positive life. He is suffering from the divorce syndrome. Don’t see it as a problem, he only uses the threat as a shield for his deficiency in the relationship.”
Amaka Umukoro believes that it’s a fact that “once a divorcee, always one. It’s a fact that does not need to be verified. My advice is that if he wants a divorce, give it to him. Women should learn to show men of such believe that they can stand on their own. There comes a point when you have to realize that you will never be good enough for some people. The question now is, is that your problem or theirs? If you ask me, it is theirs and not yours. If after 15 years, he finds nothing good in you,   sister, let him off as quickly as you can.”
Maryam Musa Abdullah opines that if a man wants to divorce, the woman should let him go ahead. “A leopard never changes its spots. If she knows deep down in her heart that she hasn’t done anything wrong, then just let him go ahead. Painful as it is, it’s his loss and not hers. Nemesis will catch up with him someday. Some men can’t appreciate what they have until it’s gone. It’s better to be alone and happy than be with an unstable partner who goes on threatening every woman in his life with a divorce. By divorcing the other woman and getting you gives him the liberty to go ahead and threaten you with a divorce. The most common excuse they give for divorce is irreconcilable difference. Where in this world have they seen a perfect relationship? Anyway, the choice is hers. It is true what some people say about divorces. I married one who had been divorced twice and after eight years together, things still didn’t work for us. That’s why women should have a job so that when their husband leaves them, they can stand on their own.”
Emmanuel Odeh is of the contrary view that there must be a problem before a divorce arises. “The question is, what did she do? She should not be asking for advice when she is not readay to disclose what really happened. No one just wakes up to file for divorce. I have never taken divorce to be the best way of resolving marital conflict. Though, I tend to agree that once you indulge in something like, there is every tendency that it might repeat itself again and might even become a trademark for the persons involved”
Some others believe that a woman can be better off alone than that threat of being given a divorce or living a marriage of misery.  “She made the man her whole world and that is why she does not know what to do. Don’t make someone a priority, if they make you an option, which is my life motto. She should go to God in prayer and all will be well with her than the life of misery that she is living in,” Odeh said.
Felle Emmanuel says divorce isn’t a way out of any problem they are facing. “She and her children need a man in their lives if not for anything but for the security the presence of a man provides. She needs his protection, so please I will advise that she does whatever she can to save the marriage and make it work. But if he still insists on getting the divorce after all efforts, then it can be concluded that he is just not a man to trust and rely on. Divorcing women gives him some sort of pleasure which he needs to find a solution to. I cannot imagine a man trying to get a divorce for a second time forgetting the circumstances he would put himself in, in the face of the society.”
Lydia Kingsley says “When a wife shows her husband that he is her weakness, she is sure to give him that power that intoxicates him. Divorce should never come up in a relationship that has produced children. What kind of life do we want to live for these children? If he goes about telling you that he will divorce you, go ahead and let him know that he should not think that threatening you  with divorce will get you jittery.”
People get married because of love and not because they want someone to take care of them. Once divorced does not necessarily mean he will become a divorce fanatic. Problems do come and go, but they need to be handled in a mature way. As for the man, if divorce worked for him in the first instance, asking for another now might not go the same way. Love conquers all given final push.