One minister, one banana peel

In making cabinet appointments, Muhammadu Buhari likes to match long names with long portfolios. In his military cabinet of 1984, the longest name and portfolio that he matched was Minister of Information, Social Welfare, Youth, Sports and Culture Group Captain Samson Emeka Omeruah. The longest name and portfolio that he assigned in his civilian cabinet […]

In making cabinet appointments, Muhammadu Buhari likes to match long names with long portfolios. In his military cabinet of 1984, the longest name and portfolio that he matched was Minister of Information, Social Welfare, Youth, Sports and Culture Group Captain Samson Emeka Omeruah. The longest name and portfolio that he assigned in his civilian cabinet last week was Minister of Power, Works and Housing Mr. Babatunde Raji Fashola, Senior Advocate of Nigeria. Some wits said on social media last week that Buhari actually appointed three people to head the hydra-headed ministry; Babatunde as Power Minister, Raji as Housing Minister and Fashola as Works Minister.
This is the greatest concentration of portfolios in one hand since 1965 when Defence Minister Alhaji Mahmudu Ribadu became Acting Finance Minister in the absence of Chief Festus Okotie-Eboh and also became Acting Prime Minister when Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa travelled out of town. Luckily, Fashola brings to this triple-barrelled ministry a record as one of the most successful governors in Nigeria’s recent history. Power is the deepest of Nigerian bottomless pits. It takes only one vandal with a power tool to punch a hole in a gas pipeline, throw the national grid out of gear and send a minister reeling on a banana peel.
Probably no minister will have more banana peels strewn in his path than Malam Adamu Adamu, the Education Minister. For a man who wrote hundreds of newspaper columns in the last thirty years as well as many Letters to the Editor when he was an accountant at the Bauchi State Water Board, people will watch and listen attentively to whatever he says and does, then dig up an old article that he wrote on the subject to see if there is a match. In Arthur Hailey’s 1960 novel In High Places, the Prime Minister of Canada wondered if he should hand over the country to columnists since they have a solution to every problem. Buhari is testing that theory with Adamu’s appointment.
When [not if] ASUU goes on its next strike to demand that Nigeria devotes 30% of its budget to education, the union will call the Minister of Education as witness because he wrote an article in 2013 strongly advocating that. He will now find that a minister is limited even in the way he mobilises funds for his sector. President Obasanjo once accused his Health Minister of conniving with the Senate Health Committee to jerk up his ministry’s budget. Adamu Adamu is scholarly, humorous and deeply meditative. He is a Spartan, a Stoic and a Puritan rolled into one so he should be able to dance on a banana peel.
Some people are already saying that Transportation Minister Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi should kick off his tenure by fishing out the Federal Airports Authority of Nigeria [FAAN] manager that grounded his plane at Akure airport last year. If after one year of Amaechi’s tenure, potholes the size of army trenches still adorn federal roads and if Nigeria-bound cargo ships still find Cotonou port more attractive than Tin Can island, this redoubtable political fighter could skid on a banana peel.
It was 40 hours after his inauguration last week before Lt General Abdurrahman Bello Dambazau appeared at the Ministry of Internal Affairs. Most probably he wanted to do a Hameed Ali, who took two weeks last August to report at the Customs. And for the same reason; men who once wore Army uniforms feel too proud to preside over paramilitary outfits. Dambazau’s hulking body frame, with academic and career CVs to match, made him the most visible presence in Buhari’s entourage. He was inexplicably passed over for the NSA’s job and was again passed over last week for the Defence job. A man who once commanded the Army may find it hard to listen to Immigration, Prisons, Fire Service and Civil Defence enumerate their problems, which will sound like pinpricks to him.
Defence Minister Brig-General Mansur Dan Ali got off to a wrong start, I think, when he brought up the issue of Buhari’s certificate saga at his first meeting with the military brass. He said the officers should have spoken up when their bosses hid Buhari’s certificate. Not only are these not the same Service Chiefs that hid Buhari’s file, but how can a soldier be held responsible for his commander’s action? The most slippery banana peel in Dan Ali’s path promises to be his tongue.
Strewn in Minister of State for Petroleum Ibe Kachikwu’s path are not only banana peels but orange, mango and potato peels as well. One of them is working under the direction of a suspicious old General who did the same job 40 years ago. As a private sector man, Kachikwu’s views on how to move the oil industry forward most likely differ from Buhari’s, who is a career public sector man. Questions such as removing fuel subsidies, deregulating fuel prices, privatising the refineries as well as the fine details of PIB could bring out different viewpoints in the two men.
For Minister of Finance Mrs Kemi Adeosun, stepping into the shoes of the overhyped NOI is the first banana peel. This young Madam will be blamed if workers’ salaries are delayed, if government revenues continue to dip, if contractors are not paid, if the nation’s debt profile rises, if ministries and especially the National Assembly do not receive their allocations in time or if the budget is not fully implemented. If governors do not get what they want from the Excess Crude Account and Sovereign Wealth Fund, Mrs Adeosun must seek shelter under Abeokuta’s Olumo Rock.
Federal Capital Territory Minister Mohamed Musa Bello did a swell job as Chairman of the National Hajj Commission and he ended many of hajj’s intractable problems such as chaotic flights. Yet, there are but 100,000 pilgrims compared to 3 million unruly FCT residents. Recently, a television reporter asked a man living in an Abuja slum why people are so unruly and he said, “This is Abuja now! Everybody is here to get something and go back home.” That explains why hawkers swarm the highways, why motorists drive against the traffic, why beggars return to Abuja despite many deportations and why achaba motorcyclists refuse to go away. Bello will soon find out that a pilgrim’s desperation to enter a Max Air plane is child’s play compared to an Abuja land speculator’s desire to grab a C of O, but he is smart and methodical enough to find his way.
For Attorney General of the Federation and Justice Minister Abubakar Malami, SAN, banana peel number one is his age. The legal profession is dominated by gray-haired men and women. Lawyers and judges are the most seniority-conscious people after soldiers and policemen. Snobbish old men apart, this brilliant and hard working young man will encounter his biggest banana peels in the anti-corruption war. The President expects him to storm the Castle of Corruption much as French revolutionaries stormed The Bastille in 1789. Trouble is, if you storm a fortified castle, you should expect its masters to return fire with huge cannons.