One way ticket to paradise

I am a church-going Christian, a believer, a however-you-choose-to-label it who worships God. It is important for me to lead with this so that you understand that I’m not just bashing “something I don’t understand,” as I’ve been told before. I was raised Christian and I have chosen, intentionally in my adulthood to remain one. […]

I am a church-going Christian, a believer, a however-you-choose-to-label it who worships God. It is important for me to lead with this so that you understand that I’m not just bashing “something I don’t understand,” as I’ve been told before. I was raised Christian and I have chosen, intentionally in my adulthood to remain one. I know what Christianity is, so I am always baffled when folks who claim to be pastors (prophets, men-of-God, whatever) sniff the air and pull some nonsense out of some orifice and sell it to their vulnerable followers, and claim that they follow Jesus. 

Some months ago, it saw the guy selling the “key to heaven,” as if heaven were one walled city padlocked against intruders, and he alone had been handed the key(s) to give to those who could afford the amount he was charging for it. Thief!  Now, it’s some ‘pastor’ charging his congregation N310,000 to fly them directly to heaven. 

Ade Abraham of Christ High Commission Ministry, also known as Royal Christ Assembly, Kaduna State is allegedly housing those who’ve paid his asking price somewhere in Ekiti State to prepare them for the presumably one-way flight to heaven. Per news reports, the pastor said God asked him to do so, and that at the end of time, a palace will descend from heaven and land on their camping ground  in Ekiti, and all the chosen who’ve paid up will enjoy eternity forever.  Na wah. What portion of that heavenly palace will N310,000 buy them? A room and parlour? An en suite? A studio? A face me-I face you? 

According to different news sources, some of his followers have sold their worldly belongings, and some have abandoned family members who rightfully  refused to be  part of Ade Abraham’s foolishness, to camp out in Ekiti in preparation for rapture. If the video I saw online is truly of the camp, then these folks are camping out in a building that looks unfinished (hardly what I’d expect the departure lounge of a flight to heaven to look like), and are dealing with regular Naija wahalas (a generator was humming noisily in the video), so what exactly is the attraction? If their pilot-pastor  has access to heaven, why not make their sojourn on earth a bit more comfortable?  More annoyingly, there are children at the camp, young children who should be in school, not waiting aimlessly for the plane that’d ferry them  to heaven to arrive.  

I don’t know which script Abraham is reading from. I wonder if he got his inspiration from the Netflix documentary on the disgraced leader of a fundamentalist Mormon group who convinced his followers that the end was near and that they needed to move to a certain city in the US, and that Jesus would come down and lift the patch of land on which they were away from harm’s way and destroy the rest of the world. As in Abraham’s case, some sold all they had and followed the prophet. The appointed day came and went and he told them that God had been lenient and granted them more time. I’d never wanted so badly to reach into the TV and drag people out and give them a good talking to. Odiegwu!  

It is easy to wonder at the vulnerability of grownups who believe that they can purchase a key or a ticket to paradise,  (these are adults capable of making commonsensical decisions like using the bathroom and putting food in their mouths rather than up their nostrils),  but I am more angry at the level of evil that makes one exploit a congregation that looks up to one for guidance. God did not tell Ade Abraham anything, so either the man knows he is lying or he hears things, in which case he needs to seek medical help before he does more damage to folks who believe he’s really capable of leading them to salvation.   

And as for those who buy into his lies, lies conceived from the pits of hell, the first thing anyone ought to know about Christianity is that salvation is not for sale. Anyone who says otherwise is a lying grifter. And I am saying this with my full chest.