Our date with destiny

‘A guy after your heart and you expect me to want to see him?’ Tahir asked from where he stood by the side of his bed.‘Well, I didn’t mean that literally. But just try to read this, he seems almost unreal. Can he be a Nigerian, an African, a living human being? Do they make […]

‘A guy after your heart and you expect me to want to see him?’ Tahir asked from where he stood by the side of his bed.
‘Well, I didn’t mean that literally. But just try to read this, he seems almost unreal. Can he be a Nigerian, an African, a living human being? Do they make them like this today?’ I asked humourously, still pushing my phone his way, from where I lay on my pillow.
‘Frankly Bint, I don’t have time to read anything, especially not anything to do with politicians. I am very tired, all I want to do is to read my night du’as and sleep.’ He replied, lifting his side of the bedcover and slipping in.
‘Ok, then maybe I should read it out to you.’ I offered sitting up.
‘What part of “I am not interested in that message” do you not understand Bint? I said I need to sleep, right now, this very minute, please let me rest.’ He protested angrily.
‘But this won’t take longer than a minute, in any case, I want to confirm from you, a fellow man, whether what was written about this guy is believable. I mean he sounds like an angel compared to other men. No offence, I mean other men minus you, beloved darling.’ I coaxed.
‘Ok, you just have two minutes and if it takes longer I will grab that phone and put it off myself.’ Tahir threatened.
‘It says here about one of the presidential candidates and I quote “Sincerely speaking, for a retired soldier in the Nigerian army, who has just one wife, even though his religion allows him to marry more. For an ex-president who declared his assets publicly with no foreign account. For an attractive man who can boast of having no girlfriend or mistress, in a world where having extra-marital affairs is the order of the day. And during all this time the devil has not possessed any of his worshippers to blackmail him. There must be something interesting about this person, and Nigerians want to learn such discipline from this personality. This is not a campaign, this is an intriguing mystery we want to be part of.” un-quote.’ I announced.
‘So what is so special about what you read?’ Tahir asked from his side of the bed.
‘You mean you didn’t notice anything different about this guy while I was reading that testimonial? I mean he truly sounds unreal. Just one wife, no girlfriend, no mistress, no foreign account etc etc, it all sounds incredible.’ I enthused.
‘Or it might just mean he has a competent media aide who knows how to make the perfect spin.’ Tahir replied with irony.
‘But this was no media man speaking. Look, that’s why I said you should read it yourself. The man giving this testimony is an elder statesman. He is a former minister, a former CBN governor and a respected senior citizen. What’s more, he doesn’t even belong to the same party as the candidate he is vouching for. Isn’t this enough to wow you?’ I asked.
‘Let’s just say it’s enough to rouse my interest. Are you sure he really said that, I mean is he really being quoted right?’ he queried.
‘Tahir, why are you determined to be the devil’s advocate? What do you find so hard to believe, that someone can remain with one wife, yet have no mistress or girlfriend?’ I asked.
‘No, you are the one who is enchanted by that part. I am only being sceptical because the man you supposedly quoted doesn’t strike me as the type who will stick his neck out for anyone outside his own party. But if he did say what you read out to me now, then it’s a good sign that people are looking beyond public image, into private lives to help us find a good leader. And yes, the candidate after your heart has always been hailed for self-discipline and proven integrity. The really personal details about him are the ones I didn’t know until you read out this testimony. We hope all that is true because we do need a moral role model as leader.’ Tahir acquiesced.
‘Well, that’s the spirit my darling. And if his record of public service is anything to go by, I do not need to hear his campaign promises to know how to vote on Valentine’s day. Additionally, I will in sha Allah forward this message to all my contacts so that we will help the undecided to decide. Any man who can have such a firm grip on his personal life can do so easily with public trust.’ I observed.
‘I’m sure it’s that ‘one wife, no mistresses’ thing that got you drooling over him. If he had four wives, and many children, you will probably say he will corner the nation’s resources into sustaining his family.’ Tahir teased.
‘No, although I admit that that bit made him even more attractive. But truly, it is like I’ve already said, whoever can have a firm grip on his personal weaknesses can be trusted with public office, because charity begins at home. Yet, this is not to say that polygamous men are necessarily corrupt because they have bigger families to maintain. No, the urge to practice corruption is a condition of the mind not necessarily the product of outside forces. Some of the worst treasury-looters we’ve known about were all monogamous men with small families. They just couldn’t control their weaknesses and so betrayed the trust reposed in them.’ I concluded.
‘Well, if you are through with your pontifications, I really do want to sleep.’ Tahir announced, suppressing a yawn.
‘Yes, I am, just one little thing though. Can I forward this message to you, so that you too can share it with your contacts and we can all have our date with destiny on Valentine’s day?’ I asked.
‘But you know I’m not on whatsapp, so I can’t be of help to you.’ He replied, simply.
‘That’s no problem. I can activate yours now and forward you this message so that by tomorrow morning you can forward it to all your contacts. Then before election day, we could have circulated it wide enough to reach all potential voters.’ I urged.
‘Look Bint, I think your effort is enough for us in this family. Between you and your lady friends, the candidate after your heart will get all the votes you wish him to get. I am too busy to join your campaign volunteers club, so count me out.’ He said, turning over to his side of the bed.
‘But Tahir you can’t limit this mission to a ladies’ affair. We all have to be on board to ensure the success of this one man because what we need is a man who can save this country from its current travails. We are talking about someone who could return us to the days of good, quality education for our children, standard and affordable healthcare for all, good roads, decent housing and rural areas development such that village folks will not have to migrate to cities to survive. We are talking about voting a man who could revive our industries and provide employment so that our teeming youths will not be wandering about jobless and prone to criminal activities. We want to vote someone who can inspire a national orientation in which discipline and patriotism will be our watchwords. We wish to mobilize voters for someone who could revive our ailing sectors and infrastructure to the extent that we won’t need to be travelling for health tourism or tertiary educational pursuits? We want to return to the days of security and sanctity of human life not remain in these days of bloodshed and bombings? Is it too much to ask you to join such a crusade?’ I asked, exhausted.
‘Just how much were you paid for this Bint?’ Tahir asked, turning back to face me. ‘Confess, because this impassioned speech cannot be a totally disinterested venture.’ He asked, smiling.
‘I was paid nothing and you know it, but I desperately need you on board this campaign trail. I have read enough about his past performance to know that we need no one but him to save our ailing nation. Will you join us Tahir dearest.’ I pleaded.
‘It doesn’t look like I have a choice do I? Yes, I will open a Whatsapp account tomorrow. Now, can I sleep?’ He demanded.  
‘Yes you can my love, sweet dreams.’ I said, reaching out to put the bedside lamp out.