Overcoming challenges as a newly wedded woman

I leave my house at seven thirty but then I cannot get to the office until eight thirty. This is because the traffic on my route is terrible.  I have been trying to adjust since I got married few months ago. Before, I got married, I can afford to stay in bed till 7 am, […]

I leave my house at seven thirty but then I cannot get to the office until eight thirty. This is because the traffic on my route is terrible.  I have been trying to adjust since I got married few months ago. Before, I got married, I can afford to stay in bed till 7 am, take a shower and take cereal and I’m off to work.” This was Jumoke Adekunle narrating her experience as a newlywed to a colleague recently.
Women are special breeds who are gifted in multi-tasking. But then, switching from singlehood to married life can be a little tasking. While transition from one phase of life to the other can be easy for some individuals, for others it takes a hard toll on them.
Ngozi Chigozie, a banker shares her experience thus. “Adjusting to married life shortly after wedding is really challenging for me. Since marriage is all about commitment and sacrifice, it is not always easy to cope with your career. There are things that are expected to come with marriage like pregnancy and childbearing which one must deal with whether you are career person or not. When you have not fully adjusted, it is not quite easy meeting your career demands which may require you to go out at night or at weekends when you should  be at home.”
She said: “As a married person, your responsibility to your partner too is paramount. There are a lot of things that I used to do when I was single that I can’t do now. Before, I can count how many times I made my own meal in a month. This gave me time to focus more on work. This however has changed as I am now married. But then, I am trying to strike a balance between marriage and career if I must keep my marriage and my job at the same time.”
As they say different strokes for different folks. Our next respondent seems not to find marriage life too challenging, probably because she runs her own business.  
“Coping with career as a newlywed is very easy for me maybe because I own my own business. I have a boutique. I can go at any time in the morning,. But first, I clean the house and then cook before I leave home. When I get to my shop, sometimes there are many customers coming in and out but some days are not very busy. But then, when I have attended to them and is getting late, I close up my shop and go home to cook.
However, sometimes when I have so many customers and I can’t leave early, my husband helps out. It is just good to have an understanding husband, so when I can’t get home early, he will help me to cook. So, my husband also helps when it’s difficult for me to cope. So, generally, I have been able to balance both my business and home side by side,” Mrs Marvellous Peace Ogbali explains.
Family-work balance is a complex issue that involves financial values, gender roles, career paths, time management and many other factors. Hidden values and models from our cultures, original families and other sources influence our choices in ways that we often don’t anticipate or understand and that have far-reaching consequences for our lives.
Experts say preparation and joint decision-making are key to creating and maintaining the right family-work balance. Many couples experience extremely strong forces pulling them away from the priority that they would like their family to have. If you don’t aggressively plan your balance, these other forces will prevail. Without a clear plan and commitment to maintaining balance, time and energy for family erodes and gradually fades away.
According to Sandy Epstein on BlueSuitMom.com “family-work balance is a process, not a static achievement. It’s important to make the ‘big decisions’ – selecting careers and jobs, timing children, allocating roles and responsibilities, etc.­ that will provide the opportunity for balance. The real task of balance takes place on a weekly and daily basis, even from hour to hour. This is where couples hold the line to protect family time or allow it to evaporate­ where they opt to take advantage of a family opportunity or allow other priorities to interfere.
The process nature of balance means that you can and must adjust as required. No decision, plan or approach need be permanent. If it is not working or satisfying, you can reconsider and make changes. In fact, constant tactical adjustment and flexibility to keep on target toward your goals and priorities is a hallmark of couples who are satisfied with their balance.”
But how can you tell when you have found the right family-work balance for you and when you need to adjust­ make a different plan? Sandy Epstein says good balance, while different for everyone, is characterized by:
• Having enough time for both work and family without expending great effort, so that your life feels relatively comfortable:
• Having enough back-up, so that you can cope with minor emergencies like sick child, car breakdowns, etc.; and
• Being on the right personal and professional path for your future.
Like Jennifer Okafor, a school teacher says “At first, it was not easy for me but then, I have learnt to juggle the two without any suffering.  Since I am a teacher, I write my lesson notes over the weekend. I also do my laundry at the weekends. That leaves me to focus more on work during weekdays,” she explains.