Pantami is Prof; Femi is in but the Naira slides

Nigerians love the unearned garland on a loved one. For a moment, Isa Ali Pantami was fine being called a Sheikh. It is earned religious title. You don’t need a PhD to get one, just knowledge of religious texts. But Pantami earned a PhD and taught at the prestigious University of Medinah before politics sucked […]

Nigerians love the unearned garland on a loved one. For a moment, Isa Ali Pantami was fine being called a Sheikh. It is earned religious title. You don’t need a PhD to get one, just knowledge of religious texts. But Pantami earned a PhD and taught at the prestigious University of Medinah before politics sucked him in.

Not too long ago, his enemies exhumed old lamentations for what he perceived to be the wanton killing of fellow Muslims. In an emotion-laden speech in one clip, Pantami tearfully pleaded with believers to make him lead the reprisal war. As we now know, elites who set to burn down the town usually hope their own roof would survive the blaze. So, instead of leading the war, he talked himself into the corridors of power and soon became a minister.

Those who allege that he could send our most sensitive documents to ISIS or Al Qaeda headquarters stretched their imaginations too far. Elites calling for a revolution of any kind hardly want to live through it except they are the central figure. If you think that Pantami would drop bulletproof cars for forest cohabitation with Boko Haram, the Taliban or ISIS dodging military bullets and off target American drones, think again.

Ask the mercurial Femi Fani Kayode, Pantami is not your enemy. Those expecting Buhari to sack Pantami for their hatred or jealousy of his closeness are off target. A sure way to earning presidential confidence is to be mistrusted either by the social and mainstream media; the wailing opposition or those who perceive themselves to be the marginalised by the system. If you ever fall into the hands of these while in Buhari’s government; relax, your position is secured.

It is most unlikely that Pantami wanted to be anything more than a Sheikh Doctor; maybe an Alhaji, but an overzealous institution in a supposedly marginalised part of the federation thought to curry the favour of their visitor by honouring his favoured minister. They shallow-mindedly promoted Pantami who is not in their hire to the position of a Professor of Cybersecurity.  That singular action stirred the national hornets’ nest; empowering even those unqualified for Oluwole University certificates to throw pot shots at Pantami.

Removing borrowed titles from a Nigerian elite is worse than a death sentence. Freshly baptised Nigerians immediately drop their meaningful local names for the meaningless ones. Colourless politicians insist on being addressed as distinguished, honourable or Excellency. A returnee Jerusalem misses heaven without Jerusalem Pilgrim, JP, suffixed to his name. One who has performed the hajj is addressed as Hajj or Hadja sometimes and is often identified by the addition of gold, silver or bronze to their denture. The rich comb the recesses of traditional trashcans for hifalutin titles to mask their emptiness.

Now the noble academia mirrors the emptiness allocating titles to the deserved and the undeserving. President Buhari whose credentials are still missing craftily extricates himself from the furore. Let us welcome Alhaji Sheikh Dr Ali Pantami, Distinguished Professor of Cybersecurity.

As we rue this storm in a teacup, Nigeria’s national currency, the Naira, is drowning in a surfing race against the dollar. Candidate Muhammadu Buhari whose party once promised to bring it to par if elected has lately denied ever making such promises. These things excuse those who call the APC the – All Promises Cancelled party. As I was writing this, the Naira was barely floating at N560 to the dollar.

Rather than be alarmed, the president has sent a letter to the rubberstamp legislature asking their endorsement to borrow more dollars to fund phantom budgetary projects. An unsustainable national debt is what cluelessness bequeaths to posterity. National debt cements the future in perpetual poverty.

In all this, Godwin Emefiele, our Central Bank governor, wallows in the pool, a drowning man clawing at straws. Policy somersaults have failed to shield the naira or the economy from the tides. Emefiele issues bans with dictatorial impunity. Lately, prohibitions hit cryptocurrency speculators, then bureau de change operations. Last week, he seemed to have found where the tank is leaking when he accused Abokifx of ruining the economy. This is evidence of how well the CBN takes its supervisory role of securing the Naira and the economy. When a nation’s currency floats listlessly where it is expected to be firmly anchored, gatekeepers don’t clutch at straws, they commit nautical seppuku.

An economy solely anchored on crude is doomed at sea. Where nothing is manufactured; everything is imported and reserves are needed to feed the greed as needs are neglected. The Naira is doomed!

If you expect Nigerians to be worried about their floating currency, they have better fishes to fry. They worry about APC’s newest bride, a divorced PDP hag called Femi Fani-Kayode, FFK.

Obasanjo who last hired him gave him an unenviable testimonial; principles mean nothing to him if his food is threatened. In Baldwin-speak – whose bread he eats, their song he sings. Femi is a typical Nigerian. politicians have no principles, hence someone aptly tagged them as Agip, meaning they are loyal to – Any Government in Power.

Femi’s grandiloquence comes with his furious anger towards those he could bully or browbeat. He once described himself as a man with a short fuse. If this chap stands on anything, don’t think it has a firm base. He is flexible as an object in a sandstorm; on principles, as mercurial as a chameleon in adaptation.

If anyone has respect for Femi and his ‘principles’, they have not checked his image on YouTube. If they do, they would not waste their ample time on him and his politics. A while ago, Femi swore to die rather than be seen hobnobbing with the APC. Today he vows to recruit at least two waiting governors to join the wagon of the party. Not long ago, his perception of President Buhari is elsewhere unprintable. When Pantamigate first unfurled, he took the Tartuffe professor of cybersecurity to the cleaners. Last week, he met both men on his way to Damascus and became lead singer of their praises. He even visited Pantami at home to wine and dine and perhaps puke at his feet but we were spared the last bit.

For Femi, home is anywhere his bread is being buttered and principles are paper ladders erected to help him to the next meal (political or social). In today’s Nigeria where only APC stalwarts could afford bread, he is currently truly at home. After all, the pride of the wake (a gathering of vultures) is where there is abundance of carrion. It’s a matter of time and the snail would return to lap at the soil it once cursed.