Parenting: The struggles of modern parenting

The famous adage, “It takes a village to raise a child,” once perfectly captured the Nigerian parenting system. For a very long time, parenting was a communal effort, founded on tradition, duty and clearly defined roles. Fathers were providers and disciplinarians, mothers nurtured and managed the household, and children were expected to obey, respect, and […]

The famous adage, “It takes a village to raise a child,” once perfectly captured the Nigerian parenting system. For a very long time, parenting was a communal effort, founded on tradition, duty and clearly defined roles. Fathers were providers and disciplinarians, mothers nurtured and managed the household, and children were expected to obey, respect, and contribute through chores. Parent-child relationships were structured and often distant. A stern look from a father could silence a room and mothers provided emotional support. Children knew their place and rarely questioned it.

Today, that world feels very old. Modern parenting in Nigeria has evolved drastically, and with it, the relationship between parents and children has undergone profound change. The rigid boundaries between roles have blurred. Women are increasingly active in the workforce, sharing in financial responsibilities while still managing domestic expectations. Fathers are no longer just distant figures in the background. They are now seen reading bedtime stories, attending PTA meetings and talking openly about feelings. Parenting, once marked by hierarchy, is slowly becoming centred on emotional connection, mutual respect and adaptive negotiation.

Yet, this shift comes with a new set of struggles. Parents are raising children in a society very different from the one that raised them. The old tools of authority and silence often fall short in an age of smartphones, global culture and social awareness. Children today are exposed to ideas, language, and lifestyles that stretch far beyond the family compound. They ask questions, challenge norms and seek independence at an earlier age. For parents, especially those raised in stricter households, this can be disorienting. The authority once unquestioned is now frequently negotiated.

Economic instability further complicates this new dynamic. Many parents are stressed, overworked and exhausted. The cost of living is high, and quality education is expensive. For some, parenting feels like an endless to-do list—school runs, homework and psychological care squeezed between jobs and side hustles.

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Still, many modern Nigerian parents are trying to break generational patterns. They are choosing to listen more, hit less and explain instead of dictate. They are teaching their children to express emotions, seek therapy, pursue their interests and question injustice. These choices are revolutionary but also lonely and tiring, especially without the village support that once made parenting feel shared.

The struggles of modern parenting in Nigeria are not just about economic hardship or changing gender roles. They are also about the battle to build healthier relationships with children. The gap between how today’s parents were raised and how they hope to raise their own children is defined by shifting global values, from which Nigeria is not exempt.

Long dead is the era where parents could confidently beat children and the canes that marked classroom experiences are largely non-existent.

But aside from the positive changes, there have been consequences as well.

Weekend Trust speaks to Nigerian parents about some of the struggles of modern parenting.

Asta Maisanu, a retired investment banker and mother to a 22-year-old, says:

“The primary challenge is working mothers, which means both parents spend more of their time away from their child. Mothers who in our culture are the primary caregivers now leave kids at home from as tender an age as one year, leaving the care of infants/toddlers to total strangers like nannies in the home or crèches in their developmental years of 0 to 5. This disrupts bonding with birth parents and dilution of the child’s values by outside forces.

“With female education and empowerment, overlapping roles of partners in the home in modern times cause an increase in divorce rates, which puts a strain on the custodial parent both financially and otherwise, not to mention the negative psychological impact on children from these broken homes.

“The challenge is to ensure minimal disruption to the child’s welfare and mental health by amicable co-parenting.”

Maisanu also speaks on the influence of exposure through TV, social media and the internet and how parents have to manage it.

 “The elephant in the room for modern parenting is globalisation brought about by the internet, cable TV and social media. The fact is that these pose external and foreign influences that dilute the parents’ influence and authority and values in raising children from a very tender age. Parents need to be vigilant and intentional in reducing screen time (TV inclusive), internet and social media access to ensure their kids grow up imbibing the desired values.”

Madam Tonub, a children’s educationist and mother of a 9-year-old, also speaks on the influence of technology in parenting. She believes it has encouraged agency and curiosity amongst children, which is in sharp contrast to her own upbringing.

“Looking at this technology thing; it has exposed children to a lot of things and it gives them the ability to ask so many questions. They always have one question or another. They question authority, question principles. Things that used to be, they want to know why. You even have to explain why you do some things.

“There is a huge difference between our parents’ style of parenting and this present day. My daughter is nine and it’s just been me and her, a few opinions from friends here and there. But I can say that parenting these days is different.

“In the past, I couldn’t question my parents. I couldn’t ask them questions if they told me to do anything, but now children are very vocal. It’s not really a challenge. It’s an advantage, but it could be a challenge. They are quite vocal and have their own opinions. You have to do a lot of explaining.”

Malam Aminu Muhammad also thinks technology and increase in women’s participation in the workforce have influenced modern parenting greatly.

 “Parenting has indeed evolved over time. It now seems that each generation creates its own unique parenting approach, shaped by the specific needs of its time. This is why the parenting methods of our parents have shifted significantly from our contemporary practices.

In my opinion, modern parenting challenges have become more pronounced due to the decreasing number of stay-at-home wives and mothers, as well as the increased economic pressure on fathers to meet the financial demands of the household.

“Today, both parents often spend more time at work than with their growing children.

“Additionally, the widespread adoption of technology also presents challenges for modern parenting, as both parents and children now struggle with the distractions that phones and gadgets pose, often interfering with valuable family bonding time.”

Mrs Favour Akaangee, a businesswoman based in Abuja and mother of two, shares her thoughts on the present-day pressures of motherhood.

“These are tougher times than it was for our own mothers. It is not easy at all; the stress of being a mother now is a lot. To attend to children, their welfare, and their care that includes preparation for school and feeding while still showing up for business early and strong is not easy at all.

 “In our days, our mothers didn’t bother. They took care of us, but we took care of ourselves as well. You cannot compare their time with now. Now, the world is bad. We have to be concerned. We are more serious about our children, especially in Nigeria now. If you don’t follow your children seriously, things can go wrong, and the issue of insecurity is there, too. The world is wicked. Our concern now is more urgent than our mother’s time,” she said. 

Madam Tonub also notes how parenting has become a lot more personal in an increasingly unsafe world. She shares her concerns over the lack of trust between members of society.

“Back then, we had families, friends who you could leave your children with when you’re busy. It was a communal thing. But these days, nobody is even ready to help you caution your child. Nobody is ready to help you tell your child to stop or leave what is not proper. And you don’t even have people you can leave your children with.”

 Sylvia Maduka, a human resources manager, has observed notable shifts in parenting styles over the years, particularly within her own family. Comparing her upbringing to that of her much younger sister, she reflects on how discipline, academic expectations, and the general approach to child-rearing have evolved:

“I think a lot has changed. When I was younger, the consequences for not doing certain house chores were physical: flogging or yelling or some painful punishment or the other, but for my sister (and I’m glad to say I influenced this), the consequence is that she must complete the task with the threat of being punished.

Another major change I think I’ve noticed with the way my parents are raising her is that she isn’t pressured to read or excel in her studies. I remember feeling like the only positions for success were first to third; anything outside of that was on the edge of failure. But it’s not so anymore, they’ve become more lax and perhaps complacent(?).

“I don’t like this part of modern parenting. This allowance, or freedom to decide one’s fate, especially academically. I wish they were more hands-on, parents and neighbours, insisting, reminding the child to read and learn. Allocating time to learn and present what they learned.

“I can’t say everything that I think has changed but I’m quite concerned about this one because I fear she may grow without the anchor I was given: a thinking mind.”

For Tomisin Faoye, an author and screenwriter in her twenties; “I believe that every aspect of society changes with time, and parenting is not the exception.

“In recent years, I’ve noticed that parents have become more enlightened with regard to their expectations for their children.

“Growing up, my parents were firmly focused on the moral and educational soundness of my siblings and me.

“Little to no attention was given to our innate talents or any unique potential we may have had. We, therefore, had to discover and sharpen those talents ourselves, leaving our parents utterly surprised at the things we can now do.

“But today, I’ve found that parents pay attention to these things, such that they’re able to notice them on time and help the kids maximise their potential.

“So, while I’m just enrolling in piano classes in my twenties, young parents are now enrolling their 5-year-olds in the same class.

“The exposure that is now available via the internet has broadened the horizon of career possibilities, thereby reshaping the way children are raised.”

A 70-year-old grandmother, Princess Akon Enang, stressed that parenting values have changed, as many parents rely on their wits and knowledge to train their children. She also mentioned that many parents were trying to be more of friends with their children instead of being the parents.

“When a child is bad, the first set of people to be pointed at are the parents. It is your duty as a parent to instil values and morals in your children. However, you cannot know everything or do everything right.

“A major support most parents lack is spiritual. Many people don’t pray for wisdom on how to raise their children. They just do the basic training, which is common to man, but when you pray to God for the grace to parent your child, he gives you directions tailored to what your child will need to survive more.

“Also, a lot of these parents are now friendly with their children. They want to be in their children’s good books, and it’s honestly not helping any of them. The parents end up losing their grip on their child, and the child, in turn, doesn’t take the parents as seriously and questions their every decision.

“Children are bound to make their own choices, and no parent has control over that. However, the values you place in them are what will help guide those choices they make. Instead, when you could have given firm advice, you decided to pat your child on the back just so they are not angry with you or call you a ‘cool mum’.

Enang urged young parents to take their roles more seriously and be a little more firm with their children, as it is for their children’s own good. She also advised that they pray for strength in whatever area they are lacking, as it concerns raising their children.

 A father of three, Mr Khalifah Baba, also shared his concerns about our rapidly changing world and his own fears in raising kids.

“Parenting in today’s age is a world apart from what we experienced in the late 80s and early 90s. For one thing, both the Gen Zs that followed us and the Gen Alphas who are our kids now are more aware of themselves; live a lot more in their minds, and I dare say, have a smaller world than we did.

“I discovered the internet in my time, my wife grew up with it as being normal, but, for my daughter, there will be no dichotomy between the real and the virtual worlds. While my local was my neighbourhood in my hometown, today’s kids have an entire world of influences. One filled with something else we didn’t have—social media content advertising that cannot be escaped, making them both exceedingly smart and exceedingly brittle.

“I have found myself second-guessing my every parental step. Because, more than we were, these kids are the first of their type. Parenting is much more hands-on and harder but I believe it is just as rewarding if not more so,” Khalifah said.

 

Expert speaks

Loretta Itamah, Founder of Legacy Conscious Parenting who stands at the forefront of revolutionising how families approach parenting in today’s complex world while speaking to Weekend Trust said, “Parenting in today’s world demands more than just showing up; it calls for vision. In an age where everything moves fast, where noise often drowns out meaning, many parents are left surviving the day instead of shaping a legacy. But legacy isn’t built in grand gestures, it’s formed in the quiet, intentional choices we make every day. This conversation isn’t just about keeping up. It’s about slowing down with purpose, reconnecting with what truly matters, and leading our families with clarity, presence, and generational awareness. Because when we parent with legacy in mind, we don’t just raise children; we raise future foundations.

She noted the ever-growing challenge of parents to include pressure to make ends meet.

“The modern parent is stretched thin; working longer hours, commuting through chaos, and trying to be everything to everyone. Another challenge for parents is the emergence of technology. Devices have replaced dinner tables. Attention is fragmented, and true connection is often sacrificed at the altar of screen time; for both parent and child.

She also noted that the pressure to “get it right” all the time leaves many parents overwhelmed, comparing their journey to curated moments they see online.

With all the struggles faced by parents in today’s modern world she shares relevant solutions that parents can adopt to aid their work in raising healthy and responsible children while encouraging them to persevere and take on this life-long task one day at a time. 

“Establish Micro-Moments of Connection,legacy is built in the margins; five minutes of presence can matter more than an hour of distraction. Protect daily rituals like bedtime talks or tech-free dinners. Set digital boundaries that reflect the kind of life you want your family to inherit; one led by connection, not consumption.” she said.

 She also noted that perfection is not the goal but rather presence. She urged parents to release the unrealistic expectations and show children what it looks like to live with humility, growth, while noting that parenting should be done through values and not just rules.

“I encourage parents to be strong. You don’t have to get everything right. You just have to keep showing up; with love, with intention, and with a willingness to grow. Even on the hard days, your presence is shaping something that lasts. Your effort matters. Your care is seen and the seeds you’re planting today they become the roots of something beautiful tomorrow. Take it one moment at a time; you’re doing better than you think.” she noted.

Lawyer, Mother of four and Head of Policy and Public Affairs, Chioma Moma, an expert on children’s policies further emphasised the issue of technology and admonished parents on the importance of creating family bonds as they navigate busy lives. 

“We should be concerned about the current challenges and how they affect children’s development. In the days gone by, we had most women who would take jobs as teachers so they could be close with their children and return home together. These days we have a lot of career women and it’s a different ball game altogether. Now about technology. It is something that has been a game changer in this generation. Where children are digital natives so they grow up with devices. Nobody has quite understood what technology does to the brain of these children. ADHD is on the increase and these things have been linked to technology because we have these children doing homework on tabs and computers. We should be worried about this and we should try to refrain from using technology when it doesn’t not have to be used. 

“Even in terms of our children’s learning. We now have ChatGPT and all sorts of AI tools that don’t promote critical thinking in these kids. So, it has affected children’s development in many ways. Also with technology, you have families that are at home but they aren’t really there because they’re on their devices. So, you can be home with your children but everyone is on their devices. There’s no interaction. We all have to be conscious everyday to ensure we do not influence our children negatively. One of the other ways of raising emotionally balanced children is by bonding with them. Make sure you give them a loving home, no quarrels or fights.  Spend time with them, give them attention and the tools they need to be socially balanced.”

She reflected on traditional parenting, expressing support for some aspects while discouraging physical punishment, which is considered ineffective.

“Also, there are aspects of traditional parenting that are not very encouraging. I don’t think that flogging children really has a wonderful effect and even worse is shouting. Shouting might not really do much. What I think works is consequences. If I tell my child he won’t play games the whole of a holiday or withdraw play time, this is more likely to inspire cooperation. 

(We should also encourage children to play outdoors. It helps them develop social skills and be able to interact well with other individuals.)

Another thing about traditional parenting that is positive is this saying of “It takes a village to raise a child”. Now people do things all alone. You cannot correct a child or guide them. I don’t think this is proper. The traditional way where you could see your neighbour’s child and call them to order or reprimand them is something we should go back to,” she said.