Political Ebola and Camp Jones’ breaks

I hope Angela Merkel significantly understands this, before she goes to Brussels making decisions without consulting Abuja. Some people, including yours sincerely would have wished that the president did not psyche up the Super Falconets. The magic girls were doing excellently well in the FIFA U-20 competition until the presidential pep-talk turned their luck. In […]

I hope Angela Merkel significantly understands this, before she goes to Brussels making decisions without consulting Abuja. Some people, including yours sincerely would have wished that the president did not psyche up the Super Falconets. The magic girls were doing excellently well in the FIFA U-20 competition until the presidential pep-talk turned their luck. In their journey to Canada, the girls did not concede a single goal.
They beat five African countries to represent the continent, scored 31 goals and conceded nothing. They defeated the English and beat the Koreans so silly they went home with squinted eyes. The presidential pep talk infected them with the Goodluck Ebola virus, the same transformation virus now ravaging the nation. Like its medical counterpart, this one has the reverse Midas touch; and by the signatures in the hands of Sleeper to the Government of the Federation, SGF, it will defy cure or quarantine for the next four years. Last on Sunday, the gallant Falconets capitulated to Germany in a game in which they played their hearts and bones out. Yours sincerely was there live.
Unlike their president who doesn’t give a damn, the Falconets were inconsolable losers. It took all the diplomacy and pep talk in the book to get them to the reception earlier arranged by the Naija community in Montreal. With eyes puffy from crying, they had to be practically dragged from their hotels. President Jones watched the match live from Camp Jones in but we won’t have any idea if he did with his shoes on – the shoes always makes the difference.
While the president was away, the murdering psychotic, Abubakar Shekau declared a caliphate in which, apparently he is Caliph. Genealogists are waiting to analyse his DNA to determine his line of relationship to Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi with whom he shares more than fringe lunacy. Shekau’s caliphate has no headquarters yet. His black flag, a reflection of the colour of his heart and thought is flying in Haramistan from Sambisa through to Gamboru-Ngala. The land he walks on cries for the blood of the thousand innocents he has mindlessly murdered in pursuing his warped brand of Islam that true Muslims squirm to imagine or comprehend.
Shekau chose the prime time to declare the new focus of his insanity – while the president was away. In fact, it will be shocking, if by the time you are reading this, the rotund office generals in charge of our armed forces have not issued a statement denying that Shekau’s latest rant was actually the message of marionettes controlled by Iblis from Hades. The Naija army have killed him so many times in their press releases that he has surpassed the idiomatic nine lives of a cat in the records of propaganda. The closet generals live in the barracks of Queen Mab and have been driven to issue statements outlining their defeat of the Shekau murderers that they are now fighting a phantom.
Months into this pogrom in North Eastern Naija, their comedian in chief declared with gusto, that he has 20,000 soldiers battling Shekau’s rag-tag army of executioners and throat slitters who specialise in raping innocent women and kidnapping school children. Our real army defeated the murderous soldiers of Charles Taylor brought down Foday Sankoh’s arm-choppers in Sierra Leone with less deployment. Veterans of those wars have a more rewarding job these days – election monitoring.
While the closet generals drink tea and count their account balances, our nation has lost gallant soldiers; young officers and men and women with promise and great leadership skills. Officers and men who enlisted in the armed forces because they love the regimented life and belief that their superiors would take decisions in the interest of national cohesion; not based on gluttony and the capacity of hiding from the obvious. These national heroes are victims of sabotage within; obsolete equipment in the face of mouth-watering defence allocations. Their wives have rallied on their sides, they become unwilling widows and carers of orphans without future; but they were called liars.
Somehow, over 400 of these gallant men and women have deflected into Cameroon not given the tools to do their jobs. One expects closet spokesmen to deny this. These are not the cowards they are portrayed, but practical evidence of a systemic failure even in the military and a nation in denial. They enlisted into an army ravaged by political Ebola. They put in their best, like our Super Falconets but end up dead in their tracks. They are tired of fighting an insurgency with lies and betrayal and like the president, took a break. Too bad, they couldn’t take a holiday in Camp Jones, nor could the people of Damboa, Buni Yadi, Gamboru Ngala; nor could the 260 girls from Chibok, still missing 136 days after their capture.