Politics of cars, number plates and political realignment

Others want the FRSC boss’ head on a platter for setting deadlines when his machines break down intermittently and fail to deliver or, is it the combined efforts of inefficiency and corruption that cogs the wheel of progress there? There are those who argue that some people have sentimental attachment to their plates and should […]

Others want the FRSC boss’ head on a platter for setting deadlines when his machines break down intermittently and fail to deliver or, is it the combined efforts of inefficiency and corruption that cogs the wheel of progress there? There are those who argue that some people have sentimental attachment to their plates and should be allowed to keep it as unique transitional identities as is done in advanced nations.
I often ignore the last group, because Naija does not pretend to be what it is not – it is not advanced, and has no intention of going that road. Check the number of accident-induced deaths within two weeks of the Yuletide season and the way people drive in Abuja and you know what I mean.
A serious digression because this message is not about number plates. Good luck to those who can afford to buy cars, especially now that Tokunbo car prices are going to double or triple their normal cost. President Jones’ usual panic attack policy has placed a ban on the importation of the rejects of  Europe and America. That decision is irreversible – at least until a powerful smuggler bankrolls somebody’s campaign. The altruistic reason is that Nissan (and who again) have indicated interest in assembling their cars in Naija. Did I see Peugeot Automobile guys sniggering until they catch the cold?
Whatever happens, the Naija Customs should double their efforts at making money for themselves and a little for the rest of us. If the Chinese could dig a tunnel to Hong Kong, what stops an underground between Naija and Cotonou? President Jones’ decision to ban Tokunbo cars before the first bolt and nut arrived is what Yagba elders call – rushing to cover your head with a huge mortar just because the heavens have rumbled with threats of rain. Did anyone say we have seen this before? It’s called fresh air.
Osita’s public affairs department would have to return to the drawing board and rewrite some state slogans to align with the political and social realities of those states.
It is now a foregone con-clusion; that the Naija version of democrazy has come to stay. Soldiers, whether they like it or not have finally gotten the memo and (but for Boko Haram) swapped roles with the media – to be seen and not heard. This is usually evidenced in their stern looks at checkpoints and their desire not to prosecute or accidentally discharge offenders to hell but instead; to make them do frog jump until they need knee replacement.
So, in line with political expediency, it is proper change state slogans to reflect their socio-political realities and I would dare make suggestions. Why call Lagos the Centre of Excellence, when it is The Hotbed of Political Opposition? Anyone watching events in Rivers State, will disagree that it is the Treasure Base of the Nation but the Centre of Political Brigandage.
In Nasarawa, the Home of Solid Minerals; while the resources are still in the hands of pirates, the state parade the highest paid legislooters and qualify to be called Home of Solid Looting. We would have to locate Imam Shekau to check which of the states of Yobe, Kano and Borno should be dubbed the Base of Boko Haram.
A little realignment may be needed in the eastern flank. With the recurrent number of baby factories in the region, which of the contesting states should qualify as Baby For Sale Factory of the Nation? In my own state – of Kogi, if Lugard returned today, he would be able to locate how frozen the headquarters of the Royal Niger Company has remained since it was commissioned. I suggest State of Stagnation.
Between Taraba and Benue which have been clashing with Fulani herds-men, predating the Plateau mayhem, what about State of Contention? Because of my ties with Plateau, I am strongly resisting the urge to suggest the slogan – Home of Problems and Terrorism.
Before I close this inexhaustible list, this is the centenary of Naija’s creation. The wicked have been asking God to place Fredrick Lugard in the hottest part of hell for solemnizing the union of incongruous regions. There are those who declared that the status of limitation, which usually apply to land deals has voided this marriage. Thus far, nobody has filed a suit before the United Nations to dissolve this marriage, and President Jones still refers to himself as the president of the republic. So, while the political juggernauts consult their SAN, maybe we should think of changing the slogan on our coat of arms.
Suggestions are welcome from verifiable individuals with verifiable wills deposited at the probate registry and authenticated by the judisharing.