Pregnancy before marriage: Are the norms and values gone?

But today, the reverse is the case. It has now become the other of the day for ladies to get pregnant before getting married. They have now come think that it is the right thing do and so they believe it is the accepted style. It is no longer a shameful thing to get pregnant […]

But today, the reverse is the case. It has now become the other of the day for ladies to get pregnant before getting married. They have now come think that it is the right thing do and so they believe it is the accepted style. It is no longer a shameful thing to get pregnant before walking down the aisle their partner because it is now seen as normal.

Some women think it is smart of them to get pregnant so as to get hold of the man in order to compel him. When a lady get to meet any man she is attracted to, she tries her best to get to his beds and she makes sure she does this when she is in her unsafe period, she also tries to cajole him to have sex with her without a condom pretending she is in her safe period of which if he disagrees, she accepts to his demand but cunningly get the condom punctured so that the sperm will flow into her.

As soon as the she finds out that she is pregnant, she begins to persuade him to marry her giving the reason that he had sex with her and she is pregnant and she won’t abort the pregnancy so he should go and see her parents and perform the marriage rites on her and get married to her legally.

While on the side of the men, they think it is important for them to get their fiancées pregnant before they get married to them so as to know it they can have babies when they get married to them. They don’t see it as wrong for a lady getting pregnant.

“Most of these girls have made covenants knowingly or unknowingly with spirit husbands not to marry any other man of which their wombs are used to seal the covenant therefore not enabling them have kids when they are married, while some of them have messed their wombs up with several abortions and others are not really fertile to have babies, they need to undergo treatments to boost their ovaries so as to have children” says Gbenga Kolade. The norm has really been broken.

The worthy thing to be done by every lady is to make sure she keeps herself as a virgin before getting married. Some ladies have the intention of keeping themselves before getting married to protect their pride before they are married but along the line, a man works up and begins to promise all sorts such as proposing to get married to her just to have the lady to himself. When he has had the lady to himself, he begins to ask of sex telling her that it is to seal up the relationship after which he gets it, the story then changes and he begins to make excuses on why he cannot marry her.

Every Christian doctrine is against ladies who get pregnant before getting married as well as male and female who indulge in intercourse before marriage.

The Roman Catholic Church preaches against sexual relationships before marriage. They refer to it as fornication and a mortal sin. It is required that anyone who commits such sin should go for confession in the church for forgiveness. The Roman Catholic Church is not only against the sexual intercourse but anything that can lead to the act.

Even though some church leaders disagree, the Roman Catholic Church encourages the supposed couples to know each other intimately mentally and spiritually. They can also display physical affection such as holding hands, cuddling, hugging and probably kissing in place of sex, but the Catholic Church promotes total abstinence if the physical affection will lead to sexual intercourse.

Speaking in the church’s point of view, Father Peter Bakwaph said that the church sees pregnancy before marriage as a sin because it is not only a sin against humanity but also against the Ten Commandments where the sixth commandment says “thou shall not commit adultery”. He said these days, people have missed the ideology behind the use of white wedding gown and covering the face with a veil by the woman on her wedding day. He said a white wedding gown symbolizes purity and covering of the veil before it is opened shows that they have not met before.

Father Peter said that any lady that is betrothed to any man is supposed to be a virgin before her marriage because she is yet to sign a contract with her husband. This makes her pure until she is formally joined to her husband and this is the only reason why she should put on a white wedding gown and cover a veil over her face on her wedding day.

As a mother, Mrs. Theresa Onochie said that the idea for a woman getting pregnant before she gets married is not godly and religious. She said “I always advise youths to avoid such acts before they get married.”

Mrs. Onochie also condemns the act of a man who is yet to get married to a lady, impregnate her purposely to test and see if she can get pregnant when he marries her. “It is also stupid and foolish of any lady who is also trying to trap a man with pregnancy for him to marry her. She might end up not having a successful marriage when she finally gets married to the man, likewise when they are not destined to be together,” she added.

The right thing for a lady to do is to protect her integrity by waiting to get into her husband’s house before she takes in. it is not right before God and before man to get pregnant before the marriage plan commences at.

It is very unfortunate that in this present day, a lady is seen archaic if she is still a virgin as at the age of 21. Men these days bluntly say that they cannot marry a virgin because it is no longer in vogue and it is painful and stressful. It is also no longer a bad thing today for a woman to stand before the altar with even 5 months pregnancy, even covering herself with a veil or putting on a white wedding gown, for the men they want to know if the woman they are getting married to can have children. Unknown to them, they are testing God not man.

Father Peter said though it is a sin to get pregnant before marriage, it can be forgiven. He said such a sin is a scandal in the community. He said in the case of a lady who got pregnant outside marriage who will not get married to the man at the long run, she will be suspended from receiving holy communion from the church until she finally she gives birth. She has to go for confession to the priest in the church who then counsels her and prays for her to be forgiven before she is then reabsorbed in the church.

But in the case where they are couples, they have the option to go for confession and counseling after they have had the baby, then they get accepted into holy matrimony for the marriage to be rectified.

Most of the time, ladies are about 4 months when they walk the aisle with their partner to be joined and they are actually wedded by the Reverend Father, according to Father Peter, this is done to encourage people to get close to the church.

Couples are usually discouraged by the sin they have committed. This makes them continue to leave in perpetual sin. But the church welcomes them no matter their condition, to come and wed legally in the church and where some of them complain that their reason why they have not wedded in the church is because they cannot wear a wedding gown because they are pregnant, the church then permits them to wear a wedding gown and get wedded in the church.

Mrs. Onochie on her part as a mother, said when a mistake is made the only thing is to try and correct it by praying to God for their forgiveness then dedicate the baby to God when the baby is born.

Though there is a room for confession and forgiveness in the church and before God, the truth is that God is not a fool and he should not be taken advantage of. Everyone shouldn’t go ahead and do what they feel like doing purposely because they know that there is a room for confession and forgiveness after they have committed the sin.