President of divorcees’, widows’ organisation… ‘I’ve still not met my Mr. Right’

What prompted the initiation of the arranged marriage for 1000 widows and divorcees in the state? It will be recalled that we had a radio programme sometime ago where we discussed extensively on the rate of divorce and sufferings women and children go through as a result of broken homes in Kano State. I talked […]

What prompted the initiation of the arranged marriage for 1000 widows and divorcees in the state?

It will be recalled that we had a radio programme sometime ago where we discussed extensively on the rate of divorce and sufferings women and children go through as a result of broken homes in Kano State. I talked extensively on our planned protest sometime in 2008 which was aimed at showing our disapproval on the rate of divorce in the state and the fact that men do not seek our hand in marriage simply because we are divorcees and widows. I emphasised that while Kano men go out of the state in search of women, men from other states do not come to Kano to seek our hands in marriage. People believe that Kano women do not make good housewives and even if they get married, they eventually cause trouble, leading to divorce. Therefore, the protest was made to showcase to the world the number of divorcees and widows in the state.

I also recalled during the radio programme that in 2005, we went to the Kano State House of Assembly and urged it to make a law aimed at reducing the rate. As God would have it, the state government through the Hisbah Board invited us after the program to discuss ways out and we were asked to bring forward 1,000 to be married off. That was how the planned marriage came up.

Is the law on marriage you are proposing feasible?

We believe that only the authorities can make and enforce laws and that is why we insisted that marrying off 1,000 women is not enough, but has to be backed up with a law that will provide for divorce to be more expensive than marriage itself. There should be a minimum of N250,000  alimony in terms of divorce as an integral part of the law. Part of the provisions of the law should also be the issuing of marriage certificates to couples. This way, the problem of men denying their wives and even children in time of strife would be solved. This way, we think the suffering would be reduced.

Do you know that if a pretty woman attempts to earn a living by being a house-help in peoples’ homes, housewives don’t accept them? Their reason is simply that their husbands could be attracted to her and eventually marry her. Then the worst-case-scenario is that if a woman is divorced and tries to venture into business or other means of livelihood, she is considered a prostitute. So if alimony is ensured, many women could be self-dependent after divorce. Also, if such laws are ensured, attempt to divorce in most instances will be difficult.

So what are you doing to enlighten women on best ways to stay in their matrimonial home?

We usually organise radio programmes, lectures and seminars for married women, divorcees and widows but we recently realised the need for young women to be aware of what it takes staying in matrimony, and even the best ways to avoid separation with their husbands. This is also the reason why we organised our first lecture for secondary school students who are potential married women scheduled to hold soon. We intend to focus mainly on the significance of marriage in Islam as well as challenges, problems and prospects. It is going to be a continuous process until we achieve the aim of curtailing the rate of divorce particularly in Kano. The programme is not going to stop at enlightening women alone. It will also target men, where we will organise similar sessions for them.

Is it possible for you and other officials of the NGO to marry through the planned 1,000 marriages for widows?

Why not? The only thing I know is it has to be realistic. Everyone should go for a befitting wife or husband during the match-making. For me, I must emphasise that we have to agree on certain conditions before going into marriage and this is to avoid future problems that may lead to divorce again.

So what is your major priority in terms of the conditions?

In as much as I want to marry, I also want to continue running this NGO because I derive joy in helping the many widows, divorcees and orphans and I doubt if I can compromise doing that. The husband must also be able to cater for my needs. I don’t hope to get married and live below the standard I’m living now. Therefore, my prayer is to have a husband that can adequately take care of me. I am not too ambitious but God knows I have a high taste for life, even though within my limits. Let me even tell you, out of the 10 officials of VOWAN, seven are getting married soon. They have since gotten husbands of their choice and are ready to settle down.

Did they get these husbands through the match-making?

No, they met with them elsewhere but to set precedence, we intend to do the Fatihah together with the rest 100 of the first batch of the planned marriage which is scheduled for end of this month.

What about you, have you not met your Mr. Right yet?

Suitors do come but the problem is that I have still not met a fellow who has agreed to my terms and conditions. Most of them will want me to abandon the NGO and that I cannot compromise.

Some are of the view that the officials of your NGO are not sincere over the issue of getting married because it is believed that the NGO is a lucrative venture for you people. What is your take on this?

That is absolutely wrong. Let me make a point clear here. VOWAN is the only NGO in this country that is not funded by any organisation either from within or outside the country. We generate our resources from within; through the businesses we engage our members. We are also into farming and so many other ventures. So if anything, we strive to keep the organization going. All our activities are funded from within and I thank God we are making headway. We have a plan to build an orphanage by 2020, a specialist hospital, a shopping complex and a science school by 2020 at an estimate of N350m. We have already started erecting the structure for the orphanage at the eastern bypass and so we shall continue, Insha Allah.

Do you think you can generate that sum and execute the projects by the stipulated time?

We intend to launch an appeal fund at some point, but in our own little way, too, we want to do something to show that we are determined and also encourage people to donate.