Preying before praying

Tamuno: You see, I had to deport myself before the American government deported me. All the lies I had been told about picking gold on the streets of America blew up in my face. I wasted 10 years living a lie, telling my people at home that I was on top of the world. One […]

Tamuno: You see, I had to deport myself before the American government deported me. All the lies I had been told about picking gold on the streets of America blew up in my face. I wasted 10 years living a lie, telling my people at home that I was on top of the world. One day, it came to a head and I decided to return home and face reality. But see where I have returned to now. This is a system run on the basis of kleptocracy.
Din: Abi you want to return to where you’re coming from? There is stealing everywhere, even in America.
Tamuno: Yes, but their thieves end up in jail. What makes corruption intractable in Nigeria is that the thieves are the ones calling the shots. The system protects criminals. And the rest of us who are law-abiding citizens are made to look like fools. Look at the case of Oduah and the armoured cars. What scandal can be more shameful?

Din: Ehm … (clears throat) Why can’t you people leave the poor woman alone. She wanted armoured cars, so what?
Tamuno: The cost of the cars was inflated ten times over!
Din: Ehen?
Tamuno: I think you have joined them, Din. Whatever happened to your conscience?
Din: What about my conscience?
Tamuno: I don’t think I can sustain a conversation with you anymore. Your views are so annoying. Maybe that’s why Hadi has refused to join this discussion.
Hadi: I’m enjoying listening to both of you. Din is repeating the same sentiments voiced by the woman’s kinsmen to the effect that they will not accept any attempt to remove their daughter from her ministerial post.
Din: When was that?
Hadi: Check today’s papers.
Din: So, what is wrong in her kinsmen supporting her?
Tamuno: Everything! Where has decency gone? If we all support our kinsmen who have behaved badly, then the culture of impunity will continue.
Din: They won’t be the first to support an official who has done something wrong. It has happened in the past.
Hadi: Ah, I can’t bear to sit down here and leave you unchallenged. Are you saying that we should go on like this?
Din: I am saying that that woman even used her money to fund some federal projects. She has made sacrifices for Nigeria.
Tamuno: Lies! Her money? Now I am convinced that you don’t have any idea about what is going on. That woman circumvented every known procurement rule in the civil service to award the sweetheart contracts for the rehabilitation of airports. When the probe begins, she will have to explain why an assistant director is in charge of procurement and a retired permanent secretary was replanted as Aviation Adviser and another retired official re-engaged as consultant.
Din: You see… I suspect you have connections with the whistle blower in the ministry. Wait until they catch your informant.
Hadi: Am I hearing you right, Din? You mean the person who alerted the nation about the scam should be punished?
Din: Yes. If you don’t like the heat in the kitchen, get out. As long as you remain in employment, you have to be loyal to the system.
Tamuno: Even if the system is as corrupt as ours?
Din: Corruption is relative
Hadi: Well, maybe you guys should excuse me. I have to go to…
Din: You are going nowhere, Hadi. You people always run away when confronted with logic.
Hadi: But there is nothing logical in your argument. All you have said is that we should leave the looters of our country to continue looting.
Tamuno: Evil people. They prey on the nation and then make a big show of praying for it. Can you beat that?
Hadi: (Laughs) Tamuno, I like that – they prey on us and then pray for us.
Din: Oh, so it has become a sin to pray for your country?
Tamuno: You twist everything on its head. You cannot be stealing the country blind and hope that somehow you can bribe God to forgive you.
Din: Are you God? How do you know God’s opinion?
Hadi: God, in whatever religion you believe in, and in whatever language you describe Him, is the fountain of justice. The problem is that we make too much show of piety while presiding over evil.
Tamuno: Thank you, bo! You see, that is why I sometimes feel that our public officials should be made to swear by our ancient gods who dispense instant justice. If you steal public funds, you die. But the God of the new religions is too patient with thieves. The wicked are prospering before our very eyes. Rather than take their destiny in their hands, our people are praying for those preying on them.

Hadi:  I am just sorry for university students who have been at home for four months now. Government could have sourced funds from various sectors to fund the 1999 agreement which it signed with ASUU but refused to implement.
Din: ASUU should go and seat down!
Tamuno: You see? You say one of the few remaining patriotic bodies should go and seat down? Nigerian has no hope with people like you.
Din: And people like you will soon run back to America when…
Tamuno: Perish the thought. I’m here to stay. We must straighten out this country whether the looters want it or not.
Din: I wish you luck.
Hadi: We don’t need your luck.
Din: Okay. But I know that once you have opportunity to chop your own, you will keep quiet.
Hadi: God forbid!
Whoooz! The usual Abuja storm, complete with tree-shaking wind and thundery downpour made all patrons scatter in various directions, thus ending the colloquium.