Privilege or disrespect?

Married women find themselves in a lot of mix, either with in laws, relatives or friends to husbands. How does a woman put a stop to the acts of an adulterous friend of her husband, especially when he rubs it in her face? A narrative from this lady tells it all. “I am in a […]

Married women find themselves in a lot of mix, either with in laws, relatives or friends to husbands. How does a woman put a stop to the acts of an adulterous friend of her husband, especially when he rubs it in her face? A narrative from this lady tells it all.
“I am in a fix with my sister in-law and some of my husband’s friends. My husband’s best friend came to visit for two weeks and brought along a female friend. Take note that he is a married man whose wife is also close to the family. He never informed my husband (his best friend) that he was coming with someone. After dinner, we asked where she would be lodging so we could drop her off before we retired to bed and alas my husband’s friend said she would be sharing the guest room with him. I found this absurd and discussed with my husband and we both decided that she could not stay with him in our matrimonial home. His friend got angry and the lady said they were both adults and could do whatever they dimmed fit. I told them that no one was contesting that, but I would not tolerate that in my home. They both got angry and left and now my husband’s best friend isn’t on talking terms with him. His sister and family members blame me for the tense situation between them.”
Many people believe that allowing a husband’s friend to stay in the house is enough privilege. Not many African men would allow a friend to stay in their home, especially where their wives reside.
Ada Okigbo, a 39-year-old civil servant, says: “The madam of the house did no wrong. She involved her husband and so need not worry. Taking her stance as a Christian sometimes is not that easy. I would commend her for her courage and strong will to stay firm for what she believes in. If we women all do like she did, checking on each other, cheating in marriage would be prevented. Checking on each other doesn’t mean calling up the wife to tell her that her husband was out with another woman. That isn’t checking up, that is actually destruction. Checking up would mean letting the man know you have got his wife’s back anytime, that way he will learn to curtail his excesses.”
Adeshola Adesoye, a 40-year-old teacher, wonders why should think that a married couple should condone adultery in their matrimonial home. “God bless the lady in question for taking the right path and not the ways of the world. I applaud her and her husband for being courageous enough not to allow their home to be used as a brothel,” she stressed.
Thirty-nine-year-old biochemist, Aisha Aminu, says: “The sister-in-law is causing trouble because she didn’t allow her husband’s friend to spend two weeks with his side chic in their home. If I may ask, since when did a friend’s matrimonial home become a hotel? As for the lady, so she has the effrontery to come to a married woman’s home to sleep around? On her excuse that they were both adults, wow, what an insult to the accommodating couple!  Since when did it become okay to sleep with another woman’s husband simply because you are adults?”
Aisha adds that: “If they don’t want to be friends again because you don’t encourage their evil ways, that’s fine; it’s good riddance to bad rubbish after all.”
Fatima Ali, a 42-year-old lawyer, believes that the attitude of the husband’s friend was the highest level of disrespect for his friend, his friend’s wife and their matrimonial home. “In the first place, he was supposed to let his hosts know that he would be bringing someone; it was disrespectful to have done that without giving you notice. As for the family, don’t stress yourself, they are far from you anyway. If they are angry with you it is not because of that incident, it must be something else they had bottled up inside and were simply waiting for a time to explode. God knows you did the right thing, ignore them and live your life in peace. I wish all women could be like you and stand up against such attitude from friends of husbands. Favours are privileges and shouldn’t lead to disrespect.”