Putting an end to a suffocating relationship

We all are surrounded by neighbours in one way or the other. Some neighbours are busy bodies and tend to intrude on the privacy of others. When and what is the best way to put an end to a suffocating relationship? Have you ever been in a situation where you are surrounded by nosy and […]

We all are surrounded by neighbours in one way or the other. Some neighbours are busy bodies and tend to intrude on the privacy of others. When and what is the best way to put an end to a suffocating relationship?
Have you ever been in a situation where you are surrounded by nosy and suffocating neighbours? They go to every length to get first-hand information on everything that goes on in your life. They will even go as far as asking the kids personal information about what goes on in your house. If you get something new, they want to know how you bought it and how much it cost. Well, if you are in this situation, then it can be said that you are in a suffocating relationship with your neighbour.
Esther Amu narrates her ordeal: “I had a baby few weeks ago and I have this neighbour who has made it a tradition to always be in my house very early in the morning and leave later in the evening, claiming that she is just checking on the baby. She waits even when she is told I am sleeping. My husband and I are beginning to be worried and see her actions as invading on our privacy. I am not a fan of compound friendship as such friendships always end in bad taste. I really need to pass a message to her about her attitude without hurting her feelings.”
Jummai Musa, a 38-year-old housewife, agrees with Esther, “I really understand how she feels because I have one like that in my compound too. She wants to be friends with everyone and also wants to be in everyone’s flat talking about one thing or the other. I had to look for a way out by giving her the serious attitude, which made her understand that I didn’t appreciate her coming to my house frequently for no reason other than to talk and gossip about other neighbours. When you do that for some time, she will understand that her presence in your home isn’t needed anymore.”
Aisha Munir, a 36-year-old lawyer, asks: “Since when has it become the function of a neighbour to check on a new born baby often? Is she a nurse or a doctor? What exactly does she come to check? Even though she comes around, must she stay in the house all day? Nigerians and our busy-body attitude! We just can’t mind our own business. There is always a reason to poke nose into people’s affairs under the pretence of being our neighbour’s keeper. This is actually a neighbour’s keeper act taken too far.”  
But Munira Shehu, a 38-year-old lawyer, disagrees with her friend, Aisha: “This is Nigeria and it is our culture to be our brother’s keeper no matter what. As a neighbour she feels obliged to check on the new baby often. She might not have any bad motive, but if you don’t want her, you can discard her. But remember when emergency comes she will be the first to be called.
Aisha Munir responds to her friend’s opinion thus: “She may mean no harm but once in a while we all need our space and privacy. People should also understand that when visiting a neighbour uninvited, it shows good sense to keep your visit short.”
Different strokes for different people, one would say on the varying opinions.
Adedoyin Banjo, a 37-year-old civil servant, says: “Nigerians are neighbourly; it is the way we are. I’m surprised that many people don’t like it. I’m in a foreign country and my neighbours never come to say hello and I keep wondering what sort of people they are, even when they hear a baby crying in the house. Please appreciate her for coming but if you must, tell her subtly that your husband prefers the privacy of the family is respected. But remember that the day will come when you will need her help, I just hope you will not judge her as wicked. I will give anything to have someone visit me right now.”
Marriage counsellor, Maryam Abdullahi, concludes that: “Does she have a child? Is she married? If yes, please treat it with wisdom. She might be praying for a child. For your actions may cause her more pain. There is a saying that our neighbour is our closest family. You can have a good relationship with your neighbours. Have healthy conversations, exchanges ideas and not the gossip thing women are used to. Don’t chase her away; diplomatically understand her person and intentions. Keep your neighbours close. On the day of trouble, they may be the ones to save you before your family comes.”