“RAISE A CHILD, NOT A VOUCHER!”

Or, don’t you remember, back in 2007 we gave them a House to speak for, instead of a home to manage, and the woman-centred national hullabaloo that broke claimed the life of a House member, a medical doctor to wit? And don’t we remember that just a couple of years ago a certain woman executed […]

Or, don’t you remember, back in 2007 we gave them a House to speak for, instead of a home to manage, and the woman-centred national hullabaloo that broke claimed the life of a House member, a medical doctor to wit? And don’t we remember that just a couple of years ago a certain woman executed a fraud of oceanic proportions? So what has happened to us, when the very people who should manage and raise our children are busy mis-managing our stocks and cash, and telling us who ‘went to Harvard’ and ‘who went to Harvard to teach’, all the while helping themselves to your hard-earned savings (in stocks and cash) by buying Rolex watches and mansions in Dubai? Can it not be absolutely confirmed now that what a man can do a woman can do better?

It is to time to refocus some attention to something we can trust them do: raising children. In all cultures, stocks and cash are not the first management priority of the fairer gender; it is managing the family. Instead of raising vouchers, they should be raising children. Instead of taking stock, they should be taking care. The following pieces of advice are excerpts from the website www.islamweb.net, in an article titled “Be What You Want Your Child To Be”. Whoever likes his child to be something, should first be that something (it is narrated in the male gender):

Be a positive role model: Dear parent, your child is attached to you. You are his role model and leader and the basic moral benchmark on which he depends in all that he does. So, be a positive role model for him to follow in your faith and worship of Allah; and be a positive role model for him in your morals, manners and good treatment. In other words, be a positive role model in the complete sense of the word.

Be fair: If you are not fair, in no way can you be able to judge between two opponents even in a trivial case. You will not be able to direct your child in the manner you like if he feels you prefer his brother over him. That is the kind of injustice which the child never accepts.

Be with him part of his time: Dear parents, you have no valid excuse before Allah, nor any argument that is acceptable to the child, to justify your failure to find a specific time to sit with him, which is his right over you. That is also the trust of responsibility, and Allah commands you to give back the trusts to those who are liable to them. If you leave your child to others to bring him up on your behalf, do not weep on the morrow because as you waste him when he is a child, he shall waste you when you grow old.

Be tolerant: Frequent blame and reproach for everything, whether or not significant, inevitably leads to adverse results. The child would neither follow the given advice, nor give up the mistake. The result would be that you would lose your position of awe and reverence in the sight of your child who, in turn, would leave you and refrain from listening to you. Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) served Prophet Muhammad (upon whom be peace) for ten years, during which time he never heard from him any word of rebuke (even as trivial as ‘uff’).

Be intelligent: Utilize suitable opportunities and current events to implant all the values and morals you like in the heart of your child. What you give your child would then be imprinted in his heart, and become inerasable. Prophet Muhammad (upon whom be peace) made Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas (then a young boy) ride behind him on a donkey, and taught him these eternal words: “If you are mindful of Allah, He will protect you; and if you are mindful of Allah, you will find Him ever with you. When you ask for anything, ask it from Allah; and if you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that if the people were to unite to do you some benefit, they could benefit you only with what Allah had written for you; and that if they were to unite to do you some harm, they could harm you only with what Allah had written against you. The pens (of writing the Divine decree) have been lifted and the pages have dried (of their ink).” (Hadith narrated by Tirmithi).

Be a storyteller: A story has the influence of magic on the soul. It absorbs the child’s mind and makes him live with its heroes. So, it is due on you, father and mother, to pay special attention to relating stories to children. One-third the Holy Qur’an consists of stories about ancient people. Moreover, the Prophetic Sunnah contains many stories. Therefore, you should employ those stories to be a source of reflection and giving lessons, as stated by Allah when He says: “There was certainly in their stories a lesson for those of understanding.” (Qur’an 12:111).

Be patient: Be patient when listening to the needs of your child, keeping in mind that you are talking to someone with limited mental faculties, so you should speak to him according to his understanding.

Be a companion: Dear parent, let each of you be a companion to his child so that you would attract him. No doubt, keeping company has a great impact on the child, and makes his heart like a blank page having all that the mother and father like to be imprinted on it. However, you are not the only companion of the child: there are evil friends who do their best to ruin what you build. So, occupy all the time of your child with your company, and be conscious before your child is stolen from you while you are heedless.

Be a watcher: Dear parent, do not throw the seed onto the soil and then go away saying to yourself: ‘I have been cultivating’. However, you should wait for the harvest, otherwise the blight of evil and corruption would come after you to eat your crop before you pluck its fruits. So, you should watch over your child in his morals, particularly truthfulness, for lying is the basis of all vices. When the Prophet Muhammad (upon whom be peace) wanted to prevent a man from all kinds of evil, he said: “Do not lie.”

This is what women, and men, should help us do: raising our children, not raising vouchers; taking stock of the family, not of the exchange; managing the little rivers of income, not squandering the ocean; caring for the Home, not speaking for the House. May Allah protect our children, amin!