Ramadan: How widows cope

As the month of Ramadan unfolds with religious devotion, compassion and generosity, bridging the social status gap in the society, widows face a different kind of struggle, one that often goes unnoticed. For them, fasting is not only an act of worship but also a test of patience, resilience, economic survival, social acceptance and public […]

As the month of Ramadan unfolds with religious devotion, compassion and generosity, bridging the social status gap in the society, widows face a different kind of struggle, one that often goes unnoticed. For them, fasting is not only an act of worship but also a test of patience, resilience, economic survival, social acceptance and public perception.

For many widows, especially those with children, Ramadan brings added pressure. Providing meals for iftar and sahoor, paying bills and meeting daily needs become more difficult. One widow who spoke to our correspondent said the challenges were numerous.

“When you are called a widow you should know there are many challenges. Whether socially or economically, we are treated differently, especially in northern Nigeria, once a woman has been married, whether she has children or not, people look at her in a certain way,” she said.

She added that the burden becomes heavier during Ramadan. “Outside Ramadan, you can manage. If you get food, you eat; if you don’t, you endure, but during Ramadan, you must find food for iftar and sahoor. Even if you don’t eat, you must provide for your children,” she said.

According to her, the rising cost of living has worsened the situation. “If a widow has no job or business, feeding her children is a major challenge. Children cannot fast properly without food. There is real hardship,” she added.

Some widows also face emotional and social difficulties after losing their husbands. One woman said some men were willing to marry a widow but would refuse to accept her children. “A man may want to marry you alone but not your children. That is another serious challenge,” she said.

She described the experience of living with relatives after her husband’s death: “When you have a husband, your supporter is by your side, but once you lose him, it feels as though your value drops. One relative may care for you, another may resent you. Sometimes it feels as though even a dog has more value.”

Several widows admitted that shame prevented them from seeking help despite their needs. “I cannot ask people for assistance because I feel ashamed. I think that if I ask I won’t get it. But I still have to provide iftar and send my children to school.”

Despite the hardship, some rely on faith. One widow said prayer remained her greatest comfort. “Every day I ask God to choose what is best for me. Only God knows my situation and what tomorrow holds.”

 

Family tension and domestic challenges

Beyond economic hardship, some widows face tension when they return to live with their parents. Mothers interviewed said misunderstanding would sometimes arise.

 

Widows urge women to embrace self-reliance

Some widows have expressed concern over the growing economic hardship they face due to the rising cost of living and the absence of consistent financial support, urging women to equip themselves with skills and businesses that can guarantee independence.

Hussaina Isma’il, a seasoned businesswoman, warned that total dependence on a husband could become a major setback when unforeseen circumstances occur. “There is need for women to wake up from their comfort zone because waiting for a husband to handle everything can be harmful to a woman’s life,” she said.

Isma’il explained that she drew inspiration from her mother, who was actively engaged in trading and taught her the principle of multiplying resources. According to her, she now manages multiple businesses, through which she supports herself, her children and several married men working under her supervision.

Also sharing her experience, Aisha Muhammad Datti, a widow, said life changed dramatically after the loss of her husband as she now bears the financial responsibility for herself and her family through her monthly salary. “Before, I could say 100 per cent that my husband handled all the responsibilities, but now, I have to divide my salary to buy only the essentials that can sustain me,” she noted.

Aisha added that although she sometimes receives support from her parents and relatives when her salary does not last until the end of the month, the burden remains significant. The women maintained that despite the pain of loss and economic pressure, financial independence through skills or entrepreneurship remains key to stability and dignity for widows.

 Malama Zayyanatu Tahir, whose daughter is widowed, said disrespect could be a source of conflict. “What causes problems is disrespect. They think we are equals. They have been married and seen the world, so they believe they know everything we know.”

She explained that when advice or tasks are given, some daughters react negatively. “You ask her to do something and she sighs or mutters under her breath. That upsets me,” she complained.

Responding to claims that some parents treat widowed daughters as burdens or rivals, she said that was not the case. “It is not that we reject them. But no matter how good it is to live together; a child is better off in her husband’s home. Sometimes it brings not only joy but also frustration,” she said.

On allegations that widows are overburdened with domestic work during Ramadan, she attributed this to generational differences. “When we ask them to work, they say they are being oppressed. Even when putting away dishes, they complain. That is why people think their rights are being violated,” she explained.

These accounts show that the challenges widows face are not only external but can also stem within the family, where understanding may be limited.

 

Support groups and search for solutions

In some states, widows’ associations are working to ease the burden, particularly during Ramadan. Hajiya Maryam Baba, leader of a widows’ group in Jos, Plateau State, said widows experienced varying levels of hardship.

“Some were used to comfortable lives in their husbands’ homes, but now, they must seek assistance. Some parents support them, while others fend for themselves if they are able,” she said.

She noted that some widows resort to places where charity is distributed. To reduce this dependence, the group helps secure small jobs for them. “During Ramadan, we find them work such as preparing kunu or cooking in wealthy households. Some are paid N40,000 and wrappers; others N30,000, depending on capacity.”

However, she observed that not all widows are willing to accept such work. “Widows who are too proud will not go. Those who are less concerned about pride accept and get paid.”

 

From the religious view

A renowned Islamic scholar, Malama Juwairiya Usman Suleiman, said widows did not all face the same problems as they fall into different categories.

“There are those who are self-reliant through business; those who depend on whatever they are given in their parents’ homes, and those whose search for assistance may expose to moral risks,” she said.

She emphasized that a self-reliant widow is less likely to face humiliation. “But one without a livelihood is seen as a burden and may even be taunted over food,” she noted.

Malama Juwairiya condemned the exploitation of widows by some men, especially during Ramadan, saying, “It is heartbreaking that some men say they will not assist a widow unless she agrees to immoral relations. That is an abuse of her dignity.”

She added that stigma and pressure could lead to emotional distress and health problems, such as hypertension. “When a woman leaves her husband’s home, she is treated as if she was at fault. But when a man becomes a widower, no one questions him,” she noted.

To address the problem, she urged parents to stop mistreating widowed daughters, and encouraged women to embrace vocational skills, saying, “Self-reliance is the dignity of a widow. Parents should fear God and stop treating their daughters as burdens.”

She concluded by stressing that widowhood is destiny, not a crime. “The society must change its mindset and respect widows. Widowhood is fate, not a lack of patience or character.”

As Ramadan continues, the question remains whether the society would heed these calls and truly embody the spirit of compassion by supporting widows who endure silent struggles.