Really, does time heal all wounds?

We are all familiar with the phrase “Time heals all wounds” This is one phrase we often hear people say as they try to brush aside traumas in their lives. When we experience heartbreak or difficult circumstances in our lives, we are often told by well-meaning family members and friends, that with time we will […]

We are all familiar with the phrase “Time heals all wounds” This is one phrase we often hear people say as they try to brush aside traumas in their lives. When we experience heartbreak or difficult circumstances in our lives, we are often told by well-meaning family members and friends, that with time we will be okay as time heals all wounds. Often times we are told that with enough time, we will be able to pick ourselves up and move forward. How can that happen? After many years have passed, we may still find ourselves wondering why we feel empty, uninspired or depressed, unable to move forward after a negative circumstance.

Most times when we go to condole bereaved people, we often hear sympathisers pacifying the bereaved, saying ‘all you need is just time, after all time heals all wounds’. It just sounds to one that these people seem to be saying to the bereaved ‘just sit back and in time you will no longer have the sadness, anguish, yearning, guilt, anger and fear that they be fell them as a result of losing dear ones. It is just like saying ‘relax, all these will fade away in no time as long as you let go’. Listening to this just props one question: how long is this time they are talking about that will heal the wound of the bereaved? Are we talking about two weeks, three months or even years for the wound to be eventually healed?

On a second thought, is it actually possible and enough for grief or a painful experience to just go away over a period of time without memories of the event always reliving itself in our lives at one point in time or the other and causing more pain?

Grief or loss is an individual thing and we all deal with it differently. Time passes after such incidences but somehow, it does not heal all the wounds, but its passage (time) makes us stronger and better opportuned to face life. We might feel better with the passage of time and the emotional wounds might gradually heal but there will definitely be a scar in our lives that we will never forget. The intensity of grief we attach to an incidence depends on how bad the emotional wound is and its location in our lives.

“When I hear people say ‘time heals all wounds’, I try to explain to them that time doesn’t heal anything, time simply passes. It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us, heals us or keeps us stuck in one position in life even after years of being bereaved,” says Nana Fatima Abdullahi, a media consultant.

Most people have the ability to accept the hurts and disappointments life has to offer them and then move ahead, while others get stuck and immersed in their pain and living life in a painful and pitiful way as if the disappointment and pain just happened in their lives despite the fact that it might have happened months and even years ago.

Though there are some emotional wounds we encounter in our lives that never heal. We have to live with things we have done and even regret. It makes us stronger people and makes us learn our mistakes. They can be forgotten but they can never get healed. Even if they healed, they would definitely leave scars. Just remember the lesson and move on with life.

The old adage time heals appears to be correct at one level as a broken relationship or the loss of special one hurts less as time goes by and most times emotional healing sets in. The saying that time heals does not tell the whole story as sometimes shock, grief and bitterness set in for a long period as most times even after years, tears still flow down the face of the bereaved.  If we find that the emotional wound is not healing, then it means there are things that we have failed to do that has impeded the emotional wound from healing.

A philosopher once said “do not cry in the rain and do not sit in the puddle. Whatever happens happens. Who knows what is good or bad? If you find happiness, enjoy it. If what made you happy disappears, remember it fondly and keep breathing. Strength comes not from the ability to stand but rather from the willingness to bend with time. Time, the great equalizer, will take everything from you including your pain”. With these words I leave most of us to determine if time really heals.