Reasons why siblings need to quarrel

Children in many families today don’t get to share anything with their siblings. They don’t share meal times together, toys or favourite television channels. This is because their lives have been organized in a way that they don’t need to as their parents provide the facilities to take care of each person’s requirements specifically even […]

Children in many families today don’t get to share anything with their siblings. They don’t share meal times together, toys or favourite television channels. This is because their lives have been organized in a way that they don’t need to as their parents provide the facilities to take care of each person’s requirements specifically even though they may be common.

Some parents like Agnes Ibetum, a mother of three, say this is to avoid fights and quarrels in the house. “When my boys start screaming over channels or who is taking up the greater part of the bed space it drives me crazy. We decided to give them their own things. I think that since there is about four to three years between each of them, their interests may differ and need to be taken care of specifically.”

Partially agreeing with Ibetum, Prince Uzezi said though their needs may be taken care of specifically, I think this shouldn’t be on all levels. They will fight as all children do, but are these fights and quarrels not necessary for them to bond and unite?”

Another mother of three, Basira Bankole, said parents should learn not to give lame excuses for their inadequacies. “My children ages seven to three quarrel all the time over what cartoon channel they want to watch. Over time the eldest has learnt to sometimes let go and allow her younger ones have their way. When it is something she desperately wants she plays on their emotions by reminding them how many times before she had let them have their way. Reluctantly but eventually, I see her younger ones give in to her.”

The hair dresser said for her this is a lesson they have learnt about sharing and also being aware of other people’s needs.

“If you don’t fight or quarrel with your siblings how will you learn to be considerate to others within and outside your home?  Have you seen how siblings who are constantly at each other’s neck miss themselves when they are apart?”

Victor Ikoli, a journalist, described such a situation as, “breeding a family where the children grow up seeing themselves as rivals. There is no form of unity and bonding.”

Ikoli said that raising a family in this scenario will lead the children to see themselves as rivals. “What is the essence of a family without bonding, values and parental guidance,” he asks.

“It’s tantamount to indiscipline children whose rot and lack of values affects the larger society.”

Ibrahim Jimoh said “Although one may say it is the 21st century family model it is definitely not African. As Africans we raise our children to bond and look out for one another. It is a different thing if they do not tow this line but every parent usually grooms their children in way that binds them in love and appreciation of one another. So if because you are wealthy you now want them to have lives independent of one another even you as a parent will be lost out in their lives when they become adults because you have not taught them the value of love and caring for others.”

Elizabeth Ekpeyong said a house where the children have no basis for interaction and live a somewhat isolated life cannot at all be described as a family. “This is not a family,” the mother of one said. They are just members of a house sharing maybe a surname and the roof that covers the house.”

Eating together with his siblings and trying to be smart with the biggest piece of meat is the fondest memory 59-year-old Kennedy Mutuah has of his childhood. “As an adult, when I look back at my childhood I see how much fun it was to share a room with my brothers and eat with them. It was nice to be the first to snatch the biggest piece of meat when no one was looking. This was considered a taboo in my time as the eldest was supposed to make his choice first, before the others.

Mutuah said, “Thinking about the many hot slaps that followed on my hand when I got caught or the stern looks from my mother are the little memories that we share as a family now that make us laugh. They are not just joke matters for us but were a major unifying and bonding agents that have made us dependable and reliant on one another.”

The grandfather added that to think that anybody would deprive his children of such in this day and age is grave injustice on those kids.

Describing himself as a veteran in such matters, the pensioner said, “I think parents nowadays have misplaced priorities and are a bit careless with raising their children. Giving them separate rooms and all may be a status thing for them without their realising the havoc they are causing in the lives of the children.

“I hope those guilty get to read this piece and desist from it before they end up with total strangers under the same roof.”