Reminiscences of a political transition

This time in 2015, most people thought they knew where their country was heading. Muhammadu Buhari was making his fourth attempt at the presidency. He knew it was a bad gamble. The third attempt had ended in tears for him. It was painful to see the man who gave us quotes like – this generation […]

This time in 2015, most people thought they knew where their country was heading. Muhammadu Buhari was making his fourth attempt at the presidency. He knew it was a bad gamble. The third attempt had ended in tears for him. It was painful to see the man who gave us quotes like – this generation and indeed future generations have no country other than Nigeria, we shall stay here and salvage it together – was crying for us!

We were all pinning on what appeared to be the last hope to redeem our dear country. The rumour mills were at their best. It was said that this man is detribalized, that one of his daughters was married to an Ibo man, that his driver and cook were Christians who got Sundays off to serve their chi.

It was said that the man, a former petroleum minister, chairman of PTF and ex-head of state was so poor his last landlord in Abuja had thrown his chattels out of Abuja forcing the man to hire a trailer to move them back to Kaduna. Mai Gaskiya debunked a few of these tales by moonlight. He countered the narrative that one of his daughters had married an Ibo man. Some of us lunched into that, saying his integrity wouldn’t let him accept a blatant lie even if it had potentials to help him at the polls.

I could speak for myself. Much as I enjoyed his wife’s jabs, I did not want Goodluck Jonathan back in Aso Rock. In the four years of his mandate, Jonathan hopped, stepped and jumped off the ladder of opportunities to be a statesman. It is gladdening to know that even in his memoirs, he has not tried to change the narrative. If anything, it has shown that you can’t fix stupid.

Jonathan was in Kano dancing, a day after the Nyanya bombing. It was the height of insouciance. Neither he nor his wife believed the Chibok abduction. They believed the ubiquitous north staged it to smite a poor southern boy. Years later, they still do! His wife shed crocodile tears on it. People like Goodjoe are leadership accidents that should never happen to a nation more than once.

But be careful what you wish for, because if you get it, you might not be prepared for what it truly is. On this day, January 2, 2019 Muhammadu Buhari has , according to him done his best for the nation. Not having hit the ground running, he had embarked on a journey of self-demystification. Those who call him Baba-Go-Slow forget that even a good engine in traffic runs. Where do we begin? First, we had to harangue him into declaring his assets. He blamed us, the media for not doing our jobs. He said his assets were an open book in the registry. But the registry say its an official secret.

When we got a lame duck statement of assets, we discovered that the man for whom poor retirees, orphans and school children had donated their lunch money is not poor. Well, not except you believe that his 130 cows have been smitten with barrenness for nearly a decade. Not if you didn’t know that aside the house in Daura and Kaduna, he actually had houses in Abuja!

You wouldn’t believe it. But why wouldn’t you? Buhari was a former head of state. Our country takes good care of its ruiners more than those who serve it with diligence. The pensions, like our lawmaker’s perks were out of this world. You’ll hear of pensioners dying on the verification queue – what you wouldn’t see is a governor, local government chairman, retired president or head of state on those death queues. Our poor president had more than one child in schools in London.

While we were all obsessed with Santa Dasuki’s largesse who would have believed that among the beneficiaries was a certain General Muhammadu Buhari who got three SUVs? In our blinding love for our new ‘saviour’, we justified this as part of the legitimate perks allotted to ex-rulers and that Buhari would soon change it. There was even a story that the man rejected the bogus allowance paid to his peers and returned the excess to treasury, fixing an ascetic sustenance allowance for himself instead. Dasuki was sent to jail and we justified it as reward for the insecurity that Boko Haram foists on the nation.

Jonathan would not go to Chibok, nor would he venture to Maiduguri where Boko Haram was claiming territory faster than desert encroachment. It was not safe for the C-in-C, not even when we suggested that American presidents sneaked to battle zones and sneak out. Come campaign season and Jonathan found his C-in-C uniform and swagger stick to go to Chibok and to make it to Maiduguri. We swore Buhari would lead by example. We wanted Barabbas to replace Judas.

Well, who was not glued to their television set when Buhari was pronounced President – again? Only locusts and their friends. Who could forget the euphoria, as Buhari became leader again? We were on the redemption train or so we thought. Then Buhari spent six months getting us a cabinet. Then Buhari would not auction the ten planes he inherited – he loves flying. Then Buhari went to London for 100 days with one plane parked on the Heathrow tarmac – a symbol of authority. Then the cabal switched into action and wouldn’t tell what ails our leader.

Then Buhari who promised to end Boko Haram as a US-trained military strategist announced that the group has been ‘technically defeated’. Our soldiers were dying in trenches succumbing to Boko Haram’s superior firepower and we were blaming Jonathan for not equipping the army enough. Jonathan had blamed successive governments. Then girls were kidnapped in Dapchi and Buhari would not go there and when he did, they spread the red carpet for him as a sign of mourning.

…to be continued.