Respecting an uneducated first wife

They easily forget the fact that probably they had taken the uneducated wives because at that material time they were not having the wherewithal of marrying the educated ones. They forget all that she went through during their hard days. She is now sheltered in a simple house with little or no furniture. She is […]

They easily forget the fact that probably they had taken the uneducated wives because at that material time they were not having the wherewithal of marrying the educated ones. They forget all that she went through during their hard days. She is now sheltered in a simple house with little or no furniture. She is not the type to go to supermarkets with, not the type to go to parks with nor go for vacation with.
In some cases the husband finds it shameful to go out with her in his car and she plays no role in running his family affairs; this is the work of the so-called educated wife. If his new position is politically acquired, she is not the first lady and nothing is heard about her till he finishes his tenure.
This is if she is not even sent packing. And on her part, the so called educated new wife will use the opportunity to treat the first wife as a house maid. She looks down on her and wonders how her husband married the woman in the first place.
Asabe Abdullahi (not real name) got married to her heart throb when he was poor. She was not opportuned to go to school but he was and as time goes on, he joined politics and became influential. Under her care was her cousin from her maternal uncle. The girl was enrolled into school and was able to obtain a first degree. As she blossomed in his house, Asabe’s husband decided to marry that her cousin.
When he eventually married the girl with the consent of her father; that is Asabe’s maternal uncle, the big politician abandoned his first wife. He built his apartment with that of the new wife at one axis of his compound and left Asabe at the other axis to herself. She knows nothing about the husband, he travels with the new wife without her notice, he gives her money through the new wife and that is how she is bearing it patiently in his house.
Asabe’s sin is that she is not educated and it is not his business to have her educated since there are many educated women around.
The question is, does she deserve such treatment from her husband?
Hauwa Adam observed that a woman’s illiteracy should not be used against her since the husband was aware of that when he married her.
He said a good husband can make his wife to become what he wants her to be by assisting her. “Let him put her in one of those adult schools that we have so that she could get basic education. Let him take her to beauty houses and pay for everything so that she can be coached on how to be good looking and presentable,” she said.
She added that this should not be a one day affair, “It should be a routine exercise so that within a short time, she will learn all the beauty tips and with available fund, he will make his wife be the talk of the town and she will respect and adore him the more.”
According to Hauwa, respecting his uneducated first wife is what will preserve his wealth. “Take it from me, any husband that decides to maltreat his first wife because she is uneducated will not have his new found wealth or position blessed. You know God is a just God. Why did he marry her in the first place, is it not because at that material time no educated lady would have agreed to marry him with his poor position?”
Ibrahim Musa, a husband said men that maltreat their uneducated wives when they become rich or when they get any position are bound to regret because at the end of it, when the wealth or position is gone, the new wife will not stay. “It will be the first wife that will stay and by then it will just be regrets for him,” he added.
Mukhtar Abdullahi on his part said husbands that disrespect this kind of women are themselves uneducated. He said there was nothing wrong in marrying an educated woman in the future but he should not forget the first wife or relegate her to a detestable position because this could be betrayal and the consequences might not be good for him. “He should respect her and appreciate the fact that she married him when he was nobody and if he decides to look down on her, her God will fight for her,” he said.