Sai Baba’s wrestling tactics
When it comes to the sports, I am not considered a patriot. Every other authentic Naija supports an European Football League team. Naija fans are worse in proving their loyalty to those clubs than English fans are known for bleeding for theirs. Not even Trump could separate my love for the WWE. My Canadian hosts […]
When it comes to the sports, I am not considered a patriot. Every other authentic Naija supports an European Football League team. Naija fans are worse in proving their loyalty to those clubs than English fans are known for bleeding for theirs. Not even Trump could separate my love for the WWE. My Canadian hosts call it fake sport but as I breathe in (apology to Chris Jericho) the return of President Buhari after the intrigues, it reminds me of a typical WWE match.
In WWE fights, a wrestler throws his opponent outside the ring and tries to incapacitate him there; after a warning, the referee starts the slow countdown. Except in a falls count anywhere match, if both wrestlers are still outside the ring after the count of ten, the match is declared a draw. In a title match, the champion still retains his title. To lose a title, a champion must be beaten fair and square inside the ring.
Experienced wrestlers know how to beat the countdown; they keep pummeling their opponent until the dying minutes of the ten-count, then they rush back into the ring and jump back to finish the job. When this happens; the referee mildly protests, but must start the count all over again.
This best describes Sai Baba’s triumphal return on March 10 and his sagacious decision to allow Osinbade (sorry, I meant Osinbajo) to continue to act all weekend. It is a classical experienced wrestler’s tactic of beating the count. Constitutional lawyers argue that if the President had remained in his London hideout for three solid months even with his letter to the national assembly, he would have counted himself out of power. So, what he has done thus far is to step back into the ring, to avoid being counted out. Lawyers say that a 90-day absence causes parliamentary invocation of a clause rendering the president legally incapacitated and enabling Osinbajo to become de-facto president. In that scenario the quondam foe – Bukola Saraki would have inched one step closer to his vaunted ambition by becoming vice president.
Well, the envisaged riots aside, no worse scenario could be imagined. A situation in which the ruling party loses the ‘control’ of the sinnate, (if ever they had one), to Ike Ekweremadu puts the PDP back in power. That scenario is not only undesirable, but unimaginable, and to the hawks who stand to gain, totally unbearable.
Remember always that there are those who would rather drag Naija back to the locust years. These ones argue that the Naira was at least stronger with easy money flowing. But incurably optimistic Sai Barbarians vow that the path of reconstruction is paved with noble intentions and tarred with incredible pain, and that a revert to status quo ante would’ve seen the complete collapse of Lugard’s house of incongruity. When the future is bleak even a sordid past seems preferable.
So, let us welcome back Sai Baba with loads of kalangu music. As he returned to his desk, let us recreate the circus for which we are known – queuing up to show our loyalty and solidarity even if it’s a distraction and he is evidently not 100 per cent. Those who snigger that even at 100 per cent, the impact of Sai Baba on governance was nothing to write home about are wicked. Those who refer to the Naira’s free fall are insane, those who alleged that companies are folding up and that the cost of living is rising beyond the means of the majority are liars.
They claim that the jury is out on Sai Baba’s scorecard on security. Sai Babarians point to the decimation or the respite they enjoy from Boko Haram attacks as the greatest achievement, but those who have lost loved ones to the resurgence of ethnic cleansing are not that enthusiastic, nor are victims of violent robberies and increased kidnapping.
All these fizzle into the background as some try to poison the good relationship between Osinbajo and his boss. They claim that the vice president has shown more leadership clout and mileage in two months than his boss has shown in a year and a half. Such claims are not only in bad light, they are neither verifiable nor should they be verified because the presidency is a single ticket. Those saying that if Sai Baba was their father, they would have forced him to relinquish power should hear this – Zahra and co are not complaining.
Only Sai Baba and his secret doctors are in the best position to say what he should or should not do in spite of his apparent frailty. If the president feels strong enough to return to work as he did on Monday, let us pray along that he remains on his desk and not play the tactical wrestler with our present and our destiny. Let us remind him that his desk is full. Less than a quarter of Naija agencies are working with substantive heads. With less than half of his term consumed, INEC is functioning while awaiting 33 Residential Electoral Commissioners. At this pace, we have nothing against Mugabe!