Sanusi’s subsidised troubles
When you are governor of Central bank, it is expected that you – see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil of government. If your slim glasses makes it difficult, you are to make nocturnal trips to Hassle Rock to whisper in the ears of your principal, return home before dawn and never […]
When you are governor of Central bank, it is expected that you – see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil of government. If your slim glasses makes it difficult, you are to make nocturnal trips to Hassle Rock to whisper in the ears of your principal, return home before dawn and never even tell your significant half why you were late to bed.
In case Mr. President is indisposed, the shitstem made alternatives. It created an inner caucus called the economic team. A female prime minister who oversees two ministries without shaking heads this team and is said to be good company except at the Dome. So, from time to time, Sanusi is expected to wine, dine and scoff at the rest of us who know little or nothing about money outside what we read in papers.
Who wouldn’t trade places with the man occupying such a position. Even Nasir el-Rufai was over the moon the other day with people who abuse him on social media but can’t resist a joint picture when they meet in real life. It’s been a long time since el-Rufai was an Accidental Evil, (sorry Civil) Servant. But unlike el-Rufai, Sanusi has it all, and believe me; it looks like the man wants to throw it all away.
Sanusi keeps all that we have – the petronaira, the VAT and the taxes. If we earned anything at all, it should get to the Central Bank. But like all things Naija, revenue-generating agencies tend to play smart and short-change the nation. That appears to happen more often than makes Sanusi comfortable and whenever it does, Sanusi forgets that he is supposed to be a part of a team and squeals.
People who live with money should never squeal just because a few dollars of people’s money is missing. After all, the people have no idea what they actually make. In fact, the general rule is to believe the papers, not to sit down and count the dollars and cents. Exercise faith, sign the papers, and send the messengers away. But Sanusi is a non-conformist who lives to break the rules. When the papers come, he scrutinizes them, perhaps conjures the god of money and quickly determines how much is missing. Then he suffers a headache.
If you ask those who know how to count, including the headscarfed prime minister and Madam Globe whose department takes rent from oil magnates without knowing how much they pumped or lifted, not all that is earned is kept. Some cater for the sumptuous meals served in cash cow towers. Sanusi disagrees.
Sanusi gets invited to the Dome with increasing frequency these days. We all know that the Green Chamber shoots below the hips, but its occupants seem to like the CBN governor. Each time he goes, the financial temperature of the nation rises beyond normal. The last time, he swore $50 billion was missing. It was reduced to $20; the rest had gone as tea allowance. Who gets a headache over tea allowances except miserable desert princes?
Sorry, I forgot to mention that Sanusi earns a big salary, lives in the opulence befitting a royal, travels in first class cabin, has access to fully furnished guesthouses and five star hotels – as an incidental public servant. Am not allowed to mention controversial donations to causes some would swear either ethnically or religiously determined. Can you imagine that in spite of all these, Sanusi fastidiously checks the pump price of – wait for it, kerosene?
Kerosene? I mean, if the guy eats a dinner cooked on kerosene stoves he’ll get constipation – the type that takes Lame Pat to Germany for canonisation. Why should Sanusi care? Traditionally, Kano has no trees – it’s supposed to be arid desert. If Naija-Delta, which has the densest forests in the pantheon, is not complaining, why should a desert dweller? And what’s the value of a paltry $20 billion? Sanusi swears his late kinsman removed the subsidy kerosene, the towers swore they never saw it. People are shocked in a country where whole people disappear without trace and official files walk into exile.
The most potent argument is, why worry about subsidy if kerosene is available. Omiyaa launched his guber campaign in Osun on kerosene tanks. Governors are known to mention its supply as dividends of democracy after personally auctioning the product to the poor. Now Sanusi is getting to know that there are two chambers at the Dome. The red chamber wants his head over his bank’s spending of N252 billion in four years? See what kerosene politics can cause.