Tribute • Created April 1, 2017 02:00

Saying goodbye to a mother and a friend

  ‘Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Respect is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely. – Roy T Bennet You were the truest and dearest, more than a mother to all of us. […]

Saying goodbye to a mother and a friend

 

‘Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Respect is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely. – Roy T Bennet

You were the truest and dearest, more than a mother to all of us. We called you friend, because that’s what you were to us. Only God knows the inner strength you had, to come through for us always. Your strength and smile, when all was bleak and dreary, lit up a dark, lonely, winding path, and it gave comfort and much-needed company. Mother, you seemed invincible. You never quit, and you truly practiced what you preached: ‘never give up’. And even when you heard God’s gentle whisper calling you home, you didn’t want to leave us. I saw you fight, really fight to stay for us. You loved us so much that you held on tight, despite the pain, until all your strength was gone and you could no longer hold on.

To the rest of the world, Mother was Kande Martha Audu, trailblazer for women, long before gender equality became a buzz word. She has always been a strong personality with a soft voice who would rather persuade than dictate. She was a staunch supporter of gender issues and believed the only demarcation was in the mind. The then Premier of Northern Nigeria, Sir Ahmadu Bello, Sardaunan Sokoto nick-named her ‘Kallabi Cikin Huluna’ meaning ‘Headscarf Amongst Hats’ in reference to her exemplary accomplishments in what was a man’s world. She was among the first two foreigners inducted into the American Women in Media Association, as she was progressive and restless in a most positive way. But to us her children, and indeed many others, she will always be ‘Mother’.

I will always salute you, mother. You’ve been all we’ve ever needed. You taught us to be dogged, to persevere and never give up on our dreams. It’s no wonder that we miss you severely and deeply. She helped mould and organise people, encouraging the youth to excel and be the best they could. Generous, sweet, caring, brave, loving, honest, thoughtful, hopeful, bubbly, selfless, kind, elegant, resilient are all words which comfortably describe her, as she possessed all these qualities. Her joy came from touching the lives of people, and it made her who she was. He  personal slogan must have been ‘it’s better to give than to receive’. Throughout her life, she took in people who needed help. A friend recently said that assisting people was integral to who she was, that it was in her DNA and it transcended culture, class and religion. Truer words couldn’t have been said. 

Mother was the go-to person for friends who couldn’t go to their parents for help. People liked being in our home because my mom welcomed everyone without judgement (not to mention the fact that she always had great food!) She didn’t just provide food, she nourished us. Her prayers, guidance and tutelage are tools and sign posts to survive this maze, this labyrinth called life. I feel naked and exposed all of a sudden because I knew her prayers and presence kept me safe. But then I remember her words, ‘ Trust in God and God only’ and it gives me hope and it emboldens me for I know she is watching over us all. From this I get strength.

For those who didn’t know her, my mother was always there for my sister and brothers. She took her role seriously, just as she personified the textbook definition of ‘super-mom’ and her love for us was bottomless and over-pouring. By ‘us’, I mean all of our friends and family she saw and treated as her children. I once walked into her conversation with a family friend who had just told her he was getting married and she was the first to know. He even asked her not to tell anyone yet, because he had not told his own mother.

In December of 2016, about two months before we lost her, she was frail, gaunt and weak from sickness, but her only preoccupation – no, obsession – was with making sure that she not only made but served her traditional Christmas lunch to our friends and family. This was where she received her greatest joy. Even when bed-ridden, we heard stories of how she helped people, with prayers, support and financial assistance. 

Her legacy is strong, beautiful and vibrant. What can we say, if not ‘Thank you, Mom, for enabling the crazy dreams within.’ Thank you for creating order in our lives, thank you for letting us know we have no limits. Thank you for being our biggest fan. Thank you for introducing us to people with such pride. Thank you for showing me how to be a real friend. Thank you for teaching us how to be compassionate and forgiving. Thank you for not only telling us you loved us, but by showing it every day. You chose well, Mom.

Mother’s trust and faith in God was exemplary, and she fought the good fight of faith. She was well-anchored, and so I know she is in a better place. In this I find succour and it eases the inestimable loss and the deep, deep pain. To her, I pen the next lines: Dear Mother, you inspire me. You inspire us all. You are my beacon, our guiding light, and I love you dearly. We all love you. Goodbye for now, our rock. 

Audu wrote in from Ungwan Rimi, Kaduna.

 

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