Saying no and being positive about it

The word no is perhaps the most important and certainly the most powerful. Every day, we find ourselves in situations where we need to say no, but as we all know, the wrong no can be very expensive and disastrous as most times we find that we just say it without thinking about how the […]

The word no is perhaps the most important and certainly the most powerful. Every day, we find ourselves in situations where we need to say no, but as we all know, the wrong no can be very expensive and disastrous as most times we find that we just say it without thinking about how the other person would feel.

For example, the friend I talked about above explained that he’d asked his girlfriend if she would have the opportunity to go out for lunch with him and instead of her to politely decline or even give a simple excuse, all she could say by text was, “Well, if it exceeds 3pm, forget it because I have got other things to do”. This is a very good example of a negative and demoralising no as it will not speak well about whoever utters such.

A positive no has the power to profoundly transform our lives, needs, values and priorities. Saying no can be a positive experience with a little bit of foresight. If we really have to say no or turn down an offer, we should be able to say it with respect and if possible give reasons why we cannot meet the proposed offer or suggest an alternative, but turning down the offer outright will only make us seem very rude.  

Every relationship, whether personal or professional, will present us with requests for our time and energy and there is that tendency for us to turn down these requests, but we can do so in a mature and polite way so as not to cause any friction or misunderstanding. Saying no politely can help to build and make the relationship stronger rather than straining it. Turning down a request or proposal can take nerves, but when it is necessary, you can do it politely without rubbing it in the other person’s face.

Since there are not enough hours in a day to meet up with and appease everyone that wants your attention or assistance, learning the art of saying no without hurting people is one that we have to learn. Though it will not be out of place to state that some people find it difficult to say no and go out of their way to satisfy and meet the demands of others, saying no respectfully and humbly will go a long way to show that you would have loved to, but due to time constraints or other commitments, you cannot make it.

In this life, people are always going to ask you to do things that are way out of your control and rejecting is the only way you could be doing yourself and others a lot of favour, but be polite about it and in the process be free of any guilt. Saying no without taking into consideration the other person’s feelings will only make you appear inconsiderate and even give an impression that you are being dishonest.

According to a book by William Ury, “The power of a positive no” is the most difficult word in the language and the most difficult to say and still maintain a healthy relationship, but if used appropriately could be the most effective in building relationships and showing how humble you are. So next time you want to turn down a request, maybe you should think about what you have at stake and rephrase the way you want your no to sound. Ury further said, “We can say no, mean and make it stick without feeling guilty about it or starting an argument”.

Just understand that you need to be civil in all you do.