Should children take revengeon their parents?

“My father abandoned my mum and us when we were little. I’m over 30 and preparing for my wedding. My father whonever spent a dime on me now comes up with all sorts of personal demands, insisting he won’t go ahead with my traditional marriage if I don’t give him what he wants. He even […]

“My father abandoned my mum and us when we were little. I’m over 30 and preparing for my wedding. My father whonever spent a dime on me now comes up with all sorts of personal demands, insisting he won’t go ahead with my traditional marriage if I don’t give him what he wants. He even threatened to curse me. Is traditional marriage really necessary? I’m not ready to neither start a war nor give in to my father’s crazy demands and I want to get married. What can I do?” these are the words of a bride to be.
Womanhood sampledthe opinions of some people on the vexing issue:
Akanni Omolola, a 38-year-old civil servant, thinks that the past should be buried:  “Let sleeping dogs lie. Let him take whatever he wants; the Bible says ‘if your enemy is hungry feed him, if your enemy is thirsty give him water to drink.’ You do not need to take vengeance on him personally, vengeance is for God”
Ewomazino Ifeoma says the bride-to-be isn’t alone on this issue: “My dear, don’t ignore him, give him all he wants, plenty fathers are like that dear. You are not alone, pamper him and get his blessings, make sure he has no hold on you. He is doing this because he knows this is the only opportunity he has to extort you. There is nothing you can do about it, he is your father and you can’t change it.”
Mariam Usman thinks parents are important no matter what:  “It doesn’t matter who your parents are, you must respect and honour them, be wise my dear, discuss what you can give to him and make him understand you don’t have as much as he wants. My dear, a father’s blessingsare important. He may have been very careless but he donated his spermatozoa. White wedding and court wedding are borrowed culture. I will advise you pray and fast, and you will see him coming down on his demands. If he persists, give him what he wants as long as he gives you his blessings. It is only your mum and dad who know what caused their separation. Remember, you said you were just a child then. Make your marriage a success, start on the right foundation by getting him to give you his blessings. Most importantly, please never say anything negative about your father to your husband or in-laws because it will mean that you are a product of a bad father.”
Adefarakan Adebola Ogungbemi agrees with Mariam on the importance of parents’ blessings for a marriage: “You will not only give him what he wants, you will honour him, that he abandoned you then is his problem. Do your part and get your blessings from him. A good pastor will not join you together, if you do not make peace with your parents.”
Though some people are against neglecting the blessings of parents, some are of the opinion that a wedding can go on without such blessings. Miranda Jane Paul argues that: “It’s your wedding, do what you want. This man is not your father he left you when you were a young child. And never looked back, he wasn’t there when you needed him growing up. He is not a father, just a sperm donor. It takes more than sperm to be a father. If there is a male figure that you look up to in your life for advice and reassurance, ask them to give you away at your wedding. They have already offered you more than this man can ever do in his life.”
Adesua Erewele is also on the same page as Miranda: “I am sorry, but my idea of a father is not one whose sperm fertilised the ovary but one who gives moral, spiritual and physical support. Regardless, I think the impostor calling himself your dad should be greatly ignored. It’s not about he that fathers a child, it’s about he that holds the child’s hand to lead him/her.”
Odebanjo Alabi says: “Do not give him a dime because if you do, he will see you as a money-making bag. Use another person in the family to represent him maybe his brother or a just a close family member. After all, if he were dead or away from where he could be reached you would still have gone ahead with the wedding, representing him with someone else. A father who will threaten you with a curse isn’t fit to be called a father and is not a good man.”
Abike Abioyose uses an adage to simplify the matter: “There is an adage in Yoruba that says ‘let’s call a mad man ‘okoiyawo,’ so that he can allow us pass.’ Give your dad all he wants and even more so that you can go ahead with your wedding. Let his conscience judge him.”
These varied opinions notwithstanding, no religion preaches vengeance against a parent, even if they did us wrong. Whether you father left you or not, you have to do his bidding so that God will bless you. Don’t allow anybody to talk down on your father, it is a sin. In no circumstance should we neglect our parents. A father’s blessings have a long way to go. Not taking care of you was bad enough of him but you have to forgive him because any curse he places on you will stand. Honour your father and mother that things may go well with you.
Secondly, I would advise that you don’t listen to those telling you to judge your father or even mum. Never judge your parents. We don’t have the right to judge our parents. Read religious books very well, be it the Quran or the Bible, it is only God who has the right to judge them.
Make peace with your parents for their blessings in that union will go a long way. I will also agree with one of the respondents who says never speak negatively to your spouse or anyone for that matter about your parents. If you have reason to speak out about what a parent has done to you call out on God as no human being can rectify the problem but they will only make it worse.