Should emotional blackmail be a weapon in relationships?

Quarrels are inevitable in relationships, be it mutual, marriage or even official. But is it right that when these problems come up, especially in a relationship involving two mature persons, then a partner is reminded how much has been spent or invested in them?  Here is a narration from a lady. “My problem is each […]

Quarrels are inevitable in relationships, be it mutual, marriage or even official. But is it right that when these problems come up, especially in a relationship involving two mature persons, then a partner is reminded how much has been spent or invested in them? 

Here is a narration from a lady. “My problem is each time we have a misunderstanding, he starts talking about how much he has spent on me, asking me if I think he is Santa Claus. This is becoming a recurring incidence and we aren’t married yet. I don’t know if I should continue with him.” 

Ebere Chukwu, 37-year- old civil servant, thinks she should call it quits as no one deserves to be treated like trash. “It is better she ends this game called a relationship or she will regret it later in life. Such a guy is the type that will always remind you of how much he paid for your bride price if you eventually marry him and I’m not sure that’s what any right thinking woman wants for the rest of her marital life.” 

Abisola Ajayi, 38-year-old civil servant, says “I once had an ex who always reminded me of how much he spent on me each time we had an argument. One day, I accidentally saw a piece of paper where he wrote down everything he has ever bought for me including gifts he gave to my siblings on their birthdays. I didn’t need a prophet to tell me that he didn’t love me as I thought he did. How can someone who loves you truly be reminding you of how much he has spent on you? I wasn’t ready to be ridiculed and brought to the level of such pettiness. So, I called it quits when it was best for both for us.”

Maryam Salisu, 42-year-old nurse, says “In a nutshell, I don’t think it’s wise thinking of having a future with a man who reminds you of how much he spends or has spent on you.  It’s a sign and you should never ignore the early signs/red flags in a relationship. This is a bad sign. He’s a very petty and immature person. Any man that loves a woman will never remind her of how much he has spent on her.That’s very rude and immature of him. If he loves you, he won’t count what he does for you because love comes with a lot which includes giving without resentment.”

Maryam’s colleague, Ike Johnson, has a different opinion though. The 43-year-old surgeon says “In as much as giving is a proof of love, some ladies turn men into ‘ATM machines’ and see a relationship as a career opportunity that should meet all their material needs. I’ll advise her not to be quick in calling off the relationship because no one is perfect. We are all learning to be better, love is all about patience.”

Nana Fatima Jaafar, 39-year-old pharmacist, agrees with Dr. Ike, “He is right; some ladies see a relationship as a job opportunity where the guy caters for all their needs including that of their parents and siblings. In fact, that’s what some women prefer, a man that will take care of all their family’s needs. A woman that wants this way of life should be ready to have her ears filled with how much have been spent on her and her family from her partner. So sometimes, a constant reminder of who pays the bills will bring them back to ‘reset mode’. But on the other hand, a woman that is independent and knows her worth will not find herself in such a situation because a man will respect her and will see no reason in insulting her by constantly reminding her of what he has done for her.”