Should kids know about their parents’ past?

Everyone has a past, be it good or bad. Sometimes, as men and women become parents, they become aware of the need to share their past with their children, most times to either correct or warn. In correcting, the parent may be proud of that particular past behaviour. But in warning, he or she may […]

Everyone has a past, be it good or bad. Sometimes, as men and women become parents, they become aware of the need to share their past with their children, most times to either correct or warn. In correcting, the parent may be proud of that particular past behaviour. But in warning, he or she may be pointing to the nemesis of the bad deed.    
Cynthia Dieyi, a 26-year-old musician, says: “Not unless the aspect of the past is crucial to the development and mental well-being of the child. Nonetheless, if the child asks specific questions, they should be answered as truthfully as possible.”
Ephraim Akarah, a 30-year-old revenue officer, opines that it is often said that you don’t use your left hand to point the way to your home town: “Well for me it’s both ways; parents should exercise caution while doing so. A parent talking about his past on a platter of gold, to the children may turn out to be a nightmare if he does not handle it properly. If their child is facing a very perilous situation which makes decisions difficult, then such parents can tell their child an experience.”
He added that but when there is no sound basis doing so, it is better the parents keep their past to themselves: “Truth is that none of us want to be reminded of our past except they are good memories. Children have a funny way of seeing their parents in a different light after they’ve come to know their past.”
For Ladoye Olutade, parents should let their children know about their past, whether good or bad. “Yes, they should! I tell my kids about my past so they can learn from it … My mistakes, so they don’t repeat them and my successes so they can at least replicate or better still surpass them.”
Ogunmola King notes that: “Yes, children should be told of a selected past of their parents. I mean greatness achieved by parents should be passed on to the children not mistakes and bad deeds. In fact, bad deeds about parents should not be told to children because of stigma and low self-esteem that will result from the stories. A child wants to know how fast his father was during his school days not how many books or quantity of foodstuff he stole during his school days.”
Agbona Rilwan Olamide, a young unmarried teacher, said revealing a parent’s past to children would have to depend on several reasons: “First of all, depending on if the history is worth learning from. That is, will it benefit the kids hearing it? Secondly, if there is a reason for telling the kids like a family dispute they need to be aware of.” Otherwise, he said: “I am of the opinion that the past should be there, in the past.”
Adewodun Yemi Daniel Ipoola says that children want adults to be heroes and would rather hear stories of how strong daddy is or how mummy was the coolest girl: “I do not have kids but I think I can tell them about who I was before they came into the picture.”
But for others like Helen Folake Ajakaiye it is better to let sleeping dogs lie. She asked rhetorically: “What will they need that information for, for crying out loud?”
For Uju Nwabueze, a civil servant in her 30s and a mother of three concurs with Ajakaiye: “I don’t see the reason why I should share my secrets with my children. It is uncalled for and not necessary, I personally will not do that because it could lead to the child looking down on you and may want to be bold to challenge you when you want to correct him or her if they are towing that line of your mistake.”
Omamuyowhi Emmanuel, a civil engineer in his early 30s, says he will let his children into his past if there is a need for him to do so. “I can tell my children my secrets but it depends on the type of secret; if it is the one that can help them; then why not? But I just can’t share secrets with my children when it is not necessary and of no use to them at the time,” he stressed.
Thirtyish Esther Inyang, opines that there may be a reason for her to share secrets with her kids: “If I see a reason to share it with them, when advising them I could use an experience of my past to encourage them to be mindful of their deeds.”