Should language be a marriage barrier?

Last week there was a mild drama in Lagos where a man sent his wife of eight years packing simply because she was fond of using her language to communicate to her children. Since husband and wife are from different ethnic groups, the main means of communication in the family should ordinarily be English or […]

Last week there was a mild drama in Lagos where a man sent his wife of eight years packing simply because she was fond of using her language to communicate to her children. Since husband and wife are from different ethnic groups, the main means of communication in the family should ordinarily be English or the man’s language, the aggrieved husband argued. He said he had given his wife explicit instructions not to speak her own language to the children, but instead try and learn his language and speak it with the children so that they too could learn it in the process. Nothing wrong it may appear, but the truth is most women in exogamous marriages speak their mother tongue to their kids. So, is barring the woman from teaching her children her own mother tongue the right way to achieve peace and tranquility in the home?
Mr. Kunle Adeniji, a civil servant says: “What rubbish, is he now banning her from completely speaking her language in her matrimonial home? It’s just inevitable that she speaks it to her children; I mean it is a mother’s instinct to speak her language to her children. It comes naturally.  How is it bad if a mother speaks her language to her children? Sorry to use this word, but I think he must be a stupid man.  Why did he marry outside his tribe in the first place if he really wanted his children to be taught his language?
Sister Cynthia Paul thinks the problem may not in the woman speaking her own language, but in disobeying her husband.
“I don’t think merely speaking a language could have been the main reason for a husband to send his wife packing. I would also want to know if they discussed this particular issue of which language to speak before their marriage? Second, is the woman interested in learning the man’s language? Last, what was the husband’s reason for saying she should not speak her dialect to their children? If there is no response to any of these questions, then the man should open up and say exactly whatever grouse he has with his wife and move on with life.”
Olabode Adedamola Taibat says: “It’s not bad for a mother to speak her mother tongue to the children, but since her husband didn’t support the idea she shouldn’t have disobeyed him. For the husband sending her packing was extreme. Did he think it was going to be easy getting married to someone from a different tribe and culture and still expecting her to learn his language before she could speak to their children?”
Mariah Abdullahi is of the opinion that language is one of the major factors we need to take into consideration in the family.
“In a situation where we have our languages going extinct in the society, he should be glad that his wife is at least speaking her language to help preserve the dignity of the family name. Did he expect her to speak a language she did not understand to the children? If I were to advise her, she should go to court and fight him. That child will be granted to her and finally get the chance to learn her language fully. What is wrong if they both speak their languages to their children, at the rate at which things are going in the country and the world in general, it is all for the good of the children as they would be at an advantage if they can understand and speak more than two languages. He should better come back to his senses and bring his wife back home. Some people will pay to have such a woman as a wife.”
Precious Nqobile Mabhena, a Zimbabwean, says:  “I speak Ndebele and English to my children, my husband is Nigerian and he speaks his language (Yoruba) to his children and family members and speaks English with me.  Over time I have been able to learn Yoruba gradually and also speak with my children from time to time and they in turn correct me when I go wrong. The approach the man in question took was wrong, because the marriage isn’t one of a common language. If he wants his children to speak the same language, he should be willing to sacrifice time to be with them and teach both his children and wife his language. The wife is always with the children and so she is obliged to teach and speak her language to them if a case of passing on a message to the child if visitors are around arises. He should stop being jealous and not deprive the children of their motherly love.”
For Mr. Taiwo Owolabi, a child who speaks more than one language has many advantages over one who speaks only one.
“I wish I could speak my mum and dad’s languages fluently, it has a lot of positive influence on the child’s future. What was he thinking when he asked for her hand in marriage? That she would automatically stop speaking her language and start speaking his? He is in a world of his own. Can’t he see the benefits the child would get from it? Learning to speak two different languages and learning about two different traditions is something many people will die for. The man should go back to the drawing board and snap back to reality. Imagine you speak English, Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa wouldn’t that be great especially in the trying times we are facing now in Nigeria.”
Crystal Neufeld thinks: “that’s crazy! I’m Mexican my husband is Yoruba. Our children know English as their first language, then Yoruba and Spanish as their second and now are in French immersion school. I encourage the different languages it’s only better for them later on in life. They should be able to communicate with both sides of the family as well. Not just mine or just his, they should be able to communicate with anyone wherever they see themselves in the future. We, as parents should not make their lives difficult by restricting them to a particular language based on our personal selfish interest.”
The bottom line is that no language is inferior, and it will be a great privilege if a child can understand and speak more than one language.There is nothing bad in learning both of the parents’ languages and a general language probably, English. It is not bad to speak languages to children; in a situation like this the man should understand that mothers are naturally closer to their children than fathers and speaking their languages comes naturally.
There is a Yoruba proverb that says ‘kiniile baba ka ma nitiya,’ meaning a child belongs to both parents and they have equal share to the origin of both parents. An amicable way of resolving this issue should have been applied instead of the irrational way of the man sending away his wife. Languages are important and none should be looked upon as inferior, not by the mother, father or anyone in the society.