Should our lives be based on the perception of others?

“It is really frustrating. I have worked so hard to be the good wife and all I get is ingratitude. What more do they want me to do. I have gone outside my way to try to impress and satisfy everybody but it has really not yielded any good results. When I have I make […]

“It is really frustrating. I have worked so hard to be the good wife and all I get is ingratitude. What more do they want me to do. I have gone outside my way to try to impress and satisfy everybody but it has really not yielded any good results. When I have I make sure that I try my best to satisfy all no matter how small but as soon as I can’t meet up their needs I become the bad person. Is it right to live my live based on the perception of others”
The above was a comment by a participant at the older wives younger wives forum on how to live in an everlasting marriage which held in Abuja last month. Interestingly one of the termed older wives who have been married for more than twenty years who responded to the question asked “Does our being termed good really belong to people. Who and what defines that we are good or what is good in us?” asks Mrs Adeshola Adeniran, a Lagos based media consultant.
That is one question most of us would want to answer in the affirmative. Why should allow ourselves to be defined based on other people’s opinions or perceptions? We generally live in a society, where our personality and relevance is based on the judgment of people. We have situations where most people are obsessed about what people think and say about them and they strive to do whatever keeps them in the good books of the people. Forgetting that they have a life entirely not based on people but on how it has been destined to be by God.
“I don’t care at all what people think of me. As long as I am sure that what I am doing is not against my creator, I don’t really bother. You cannot please everyone in this world. If you strive to do so then you will automatically end up being a puppet in this world because you will never achieve anything for yourself. Have we ever really reflected on why people that are hated by almost all are those that try their best to live their lives the best way God has directed we should? The worst people will say is that ‘na Holy Holy you be’. But then what does one gain by pleasing the world and forsaking our creator. For me, no one can define what my personality is or should be. I have a mind of my own and should be able to make good use of it. It does not mean I am not open to advise when I do wrong but when I have a strong believe that what I am doing is not against my creator then I’m sorry, your opinion just doesn’t count anymore” says Mrs. Helen Adeleye Kassim, an educationist.
If you want to please people, you have to lie most of time in order not to hurt their feelings. But if you are sincere with yourself and you will find out that you will step on the toes of many if you have to keep your policies and faith strong. For Hajiya Fatima Aliyu, a Kaduna based house wife and business women. “To remain stead fast in life the issue of being good isn’t on your priority list. When you have a particular standard you want to set for yourself in life, you will surely have to automatically be bad to some people if not a majority. What is good and what is bad by the way. Do not forget we are all humans and we all have an element of bad in us. No one is perfect but when you live your live based on what people will think of you, then you are sure on no progress coming your way. You are only living the lives of others and not yours. Everyone has his/her life to live and so are our characters. Even twins don’t have the same characteristics; they sure differ in a way.  I would say that you should continue to do what you feel is good; your reward is not with the people but from the Almighty. That doesn’t mean if you are used to backbiting, gossip, extravagance etc you should go on doing it because you feel you are doing good.  If you want to please God you always have to tell the truth even if it is against your own parents. People who were hated by most of people, God loved them the most. Examples are all prophets. And Allah knows best who is truthful because only He knows your sins, good deeds and your intentions, not the people,” Hajiya Fatima says.
Always try to be a good person but everybody must have a good and bad side. No one can claim to be perfect. It’s true that we can’t please everyone but, it’s true that we can give all our best to everyone so that, they themselves will see that no matter how hard they try to bring us down or make us look bad, we will always remain good. Never pay ingratitude with bad deeds.
On the other hand, we should never ever think ourselves as good enough because everyone testifies to that that we are good. When we allow that kind of perception sink in us then we will stop learning and assume we are the perfect being. Naturally, when that happens we begin to see ourselves above any human being.
Perfection belongs to God and him alone. We can’t please people no matter how much try so, always do good and be good and learn to be better person no matter the ingratitude that comes our way. Most of all we should learn to stop thinking about whatever pessimists have to say about your character. Because the most important thing is how we value ourselves before our creator. He alone should be the judge of whom and what we are.