Should physical disability be a barrier to love?

There is the story of an Australian motivational speaker, Nicholas ‘Nick’ Vujicic, who was born with tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare congenital disorder characterised by the absence of all four limbs. As a child, he struggled mentally and emotionally as well as physically, but eventually came to terms with his disability. During his days in secondary […]

There is the story of an Australian motivational speaker, Nicholas ‘Nick’ Vujicic, who was born with tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare congenital disorder characterised by the absence of all four limbs. As a child, he struggled mentally and emotionally as well as physically, but eventually came to terms with his disability. During his days in secondary school, he worked with the student council on fundraising events for local charities and disability campaigns. When he was 17 years old, he started giving talks at his prayer group and later founded a non-profit organisation, ‘Life Without Limbs.’ He later married Kanae Miyahara and today, the couple has a son and is expecting a second child.
Could this have happened back home in Nigeria, where there is more emphasis on physical appearance than feelings, which ought to always follow in the pursuit of true happiness. But feelings can also be fickle and fleeting and could be very tricky. So, should physical disability be a barrier to true love? Following is what some respondents have to say on the contentious matter.
Taiwo Omotayo, who is in his mid-30s, says: “It depends on ones disposition on the word true love. But judging from the true essence of love, physical disability should not be a barrier.” He adds that once such love is from the heart and pure, it will remain a sweet one and it can stand even the toughest of times no matter the circumstances.
Same for thirtyish Ibrahim Faruk who works with a non-governmental organisation, who also doesn’t think that physical disability should be a barrier to true love. “Love has an element of physical attraction but when that is all there is; it’s not really true love. The question that comes to mind is, would you leave your partner that you are married to because he/she became physically disabled?”
For Oluwadamilare Awe, a writer and poet in her mid-20s, believes that when you put true love in the equation then everyone will agree that physical disability shouldn’t be a barrier: “True love stands for everything good or bad. So disability shouldn’t be a barrier.”
But for other respondents, it would depend on the type of disability of the other person and when it occurred. Anne Ani, a 29-year-old hairdresser, says: “Well, if the disability occurred after we got married, I can remain with him but if I met him with it then I would have to decide whether to love and remain with him or not.” She adds that she could also consider getting married to him if it is a minor disability such as having just an arm, or any minor incapacity.
Like they say, it is different strokes for different folks, so for people like Busari Oluwatoyin Monsurat, a national youth corps member, what matters is not the physical but what’s in the heart. “No, it’s not about the physical appearance; it’s about having a good heart,” she stresses.
Vou Dalyop, an Abuja-based civil servant, also says it depends on the person and also the type of his disability. “It’s really not an easy task to care for a person living with a disability,” she points out, stressing that: “For instance, I’m not certain I can love a person living with Asperger’s Syndrome (an autism spectrum disorder). But I think I can live with a person in a wheelchair but I’m not certain I can live with a blind man.”
In Gafere in Gwagwalada area council of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) this reporter met a deaf and dumb craftsman who fabricates farming implements such as hoes, cutlasses and even iron cooking pots. The 29-year-old craftsman using sign language through an interpreter, said efforts to get him a wife within the village were futile as the girl he was courting and who was ready to marry him, was discouraged by her friends because of his disabilities.
His uncle Zubairu Pada said it is unfortunate that young girls now look at the physical nature of the man instead of his ability to cater for the needs of his family.
Reacting to Pada’s statement, Comfort Ali who resides in the Life Camp area of Abuja stated that no girl wants to be stressed. “I can’t imagine having a deaf and dumb man or blind person as a husband. I already have enough problems on my hands in the home-front as a wife so why should I add another person’s burden to mine?” she asked rhetorically.
“In the case of someone who is deaf and dumb, how would we communicate when I don’t understand sign language? But said it’s still better than being married to someone who is blind,” Ali submitted.