Should ‘silent treatment’ be applied to relationships?

Isi and Shema were in a relationship for a year and six months. They were well known by their immediate families. Both of them seemed happy with the relationship and got married.  However, seven months after the wedding, things changed. Isi was no longer the forgiving man Shema knew during their courtship. He got angry […]

Isi and Shema were in a relationship for a year and six months. They were well known by their immediate families. Both of them seemed happy with the relationship and got married. 

However, seven months after the wedding, things changed. Isi was no longer the forgiving man Shema knew during their courtship. He got angry at the slightest provocation and did not let go of anything Shema did to him. 

Shema on the other hand noticed that her husband’s behaviour towards her changed and she asked him many times if she did anything wrong. Rather than respond, he would remain silent while lying on the sofa in their living room or in the bedroom. He kept giving her the ‘silent treatment until she could not take it anymore and so she also used it as a way to get back at him.

In the scenario painted above; this is one of the ways many couples whether married or not choose to relate with each other rather than letting go of whatever offence one might have committed against the other. 

What is ‘silent treatment’? Should it be used as a weapon in a relationship/marriage?

Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. It is when a person in a relationship ignores the other or refuses to acknowledge them verbally or through any other method. In other words, it is a way of inflicting pain without getting physical. 

Lifextra sought to know how people felt about it across the country and the responses were very interesting and informative.

Adamu Usman Garko, a teenager, said: “The silent treatment came from early cultures long ago, when ostracism or being expelled was a form of punishment. Even today, not being included in a group or community is a terrible thing to experience. In early cultures, being ostracised meant almost certain death because people couldn’t live without the protection of a society.

 “Today the silent treatment isn’t about life or death, but it can affect the longevity and health of your relationship. That’s another reason learning how to deal with silent treatment in relationships is so important: it can make or break your bond.”

 Salim Yunusa, an Abuja-based 23-year-old corp member, told Lifextra: “I believe it is good. It is much better than yelling and it gives the erring partner a chance to think over what he/she had done wrong, and to apologise. Dialogue is the best answer, but the silent treatment works.”

 Kano-based Goni Victor responded with a resounding yes. “I see it as a final test of compatibility. Because most times when partners voice out their complaints, they are being judged as over reacting. Hence if silence is employed, erring partners should be wise enough to understand the language and know that something is wrong somewhere and quickly adjust or try to troubleshoot where the problem is, starting from the last time things were normal. So I strongly support it,” he concluded.

 However, Aliyu Jalal from Kaduna State has a different thought on the matter. He said it shouldn’t be practiced. “Smooth relationship is about being open, knowing one’s stand, and about transparency. Once could give silent treatment it would be misinterpreted in another unfavourable way by the other partner and then if they react, it might be horrible. So I think laying all facts down and discussing them at once is better,” he said.