Should women be seen as outsiders when married in a place?

The level of discrimination varies from one place or family to the other and the women are often viewed and called ‘outsiders’ in such places even when they have been married there for decades. Some of them are regarded as inferior in status. A woman could be regarded as an outsider if she is married to […]

The level of discrimination varies from one place or family to the other and the women are often viewed and called ‘outsiders’ in such places even when they have been married there for decades. Some of them are regarded as inferior in status.
 A woman could be regarded as an outsider if she is married to someone from a different village, town, state, ethnic group or nationality. In this country, the degree of her being regarded as a outsider  is worse if she is from a different tribe or ethnic group from her husband.
In some cases because she is from a different place she may not be entitled to what other wives, mothers or women from that place are entitled to.
Till date tongues wag,  sentiments are whipped and people resort to protests or  outright violence when such women are being given appointment or want to contest election into an office in her husband’s place. You hear statements like ‘she is not from here, that slot is meant for an indigene’ ‘she is not from our tribe’, among others.
 Sometimes the women may not be seen as outsiders until their husbands attain positions of power or become materially wealthier. The people then suddenly realise their son’s anomaly in not marrying  a ‘daughter of the soil’ and even mount pressure on  him to take another wife from their place.
In some cultures the children of a woman who is not from her husband’s village are not allowed to become kings, inherit or hold chieftaincy titles, inherit property  or have certain rights even when their mother is the first wife or they are next in line to the throne.  Some of these women were married very early, lived most of their lives in their husband’s place  and may even have forgotten how to speak their own language.
A few weeks ago the Home Front ran a story on some  women from two states of the country who feel cheated that it is women from other places married to their governor s that are the first ladies.  The fact that such women have children, and may have suffered with  the men through thick and thin not withstanding.
There are instances where a man who is happily married to a woman that is not from his place is not believed to be married by his people until they arrange or make him marry someone from their place. Several marriages have broken down as a result of this particular practice.
According to Mrs Oba Enemali, a civil servant, it is a practice that has been there since man began to dwell in communities  and may remain for a very long time. She recalled the story of a governor whose people took it upon themselves to seek a wife for him from his tribe immediately he won an election because they felt his wife was not suitable as the first lady being from another tribe. However, the governor refused saying his wife had being with him when he had nothing.
Enemali  said discrimination against women termed outsiders  is more or less a natural filial feeling that education, civilization may not be able to wipe completely adding that it is advisable for girls to marry from their own place or avoid marrying into families or places renown for discrimination  to avoid such situations.
Mary- Anne Okeke, another respondent said it is not right for a married woman to be seen as an outsider or deprived of certain rights because she is from a different place.
“The bible says when a man and woman marry they become one. So by marriage the women has become  part  and parcel of the man. More so, she is now bearing the man’s name,” she said.
Regina Lukman, a journalist on her part said there is no reason why  a woman should be seen as  an outsider or  foreigner simply because she is married to someone from a different tribe or place.
She said as a girl the person uses her father’s name and when she marries, she uses her husband’s family name meaning her husband is now her identity. She said it not plausible for the children of that women to be considered as people from the husband’s place while the married women on the other hand  is not seen that way.
Mallam  Ibrahim Umar, a business man said there shouldn’t be discrimination or denial of rights  for women married outside their place adding that such discrimination was minimal in the northern states of the country.
“Women from other tribes or areas enjoy the same privileges or whatever women from her husbands’ place are entitled to. For instance I know a woman who is from Kano state but married to someone from Niger state. She has worked all her life and attained whatever she is today in her husband’s place. There are women who freely contest and win elections in their husband’s place too,” he said.  
Abdullahi Momoh on his part said while it entirely wrong for women to be seen as outsiders  when married  to men from a different place, some women make their in- laws or  people from their husband’s place to see them as outsiders.
“A woman for instance who is hostile towards her in laws or behaves badly to them is indirectly telling her husband’s people that she is not a part of them. This can make them deprive her of the rights women there are entitled to,” he said.
Abba Taoheed  on his part said a woman that is married into a place is entitled to everything women are entitled to except  when she dies or become divorced. He said religion wise that she has privileges in her fathers’ house doesn’t stop her from enjoying rights and privileges as a married woman in her husband’s place. He cited the case of Sarah who moved from Syria where she comes from with her husband to Iraq and still enjoyed privileges there.
A business man who gave his name simply as Arinze said people may be justified for protesting against a position being given to a woman married in their place  “For instance if each place has one slot, when that married woman is given that slot from her husband’s place,  somebody from her own original place will  take their own slot while those originally from her husband’s place  get nothing it is not fair,” he explained.
A mother Fransisca Udema said each place has its own culture and advised women who marry into other places to try to learn the culture of the places or families they marry into and also endear themselves to them. “When you behave like them, learn their language  and treat them well they will begin to see you as one of their own. But if  you talk and behave in a way that is offensive to them or that they regard as a taboo they will continue to see you as an outsider,” she advised.