Should you bear your father’s name after you marry?

Marriage is an institution that plays a vital role in every society because it is the legal union of a man and woman. However, some people face the dilemma of choosing between sticking to their maiden name or answering their husband’s name after marriage. Some men have a problem with their wives still holding on […]

Marriage is an institution that plays a vital role in every society because it is the legal union of a man and woman. However, some people face the dilemma of choosing between sticking to their maiden name or answering their husband’s name after marriage. Some men have a problem with their wives still holding on to their father’s names after marriage. Should ladies change their surnames after marriage? A cross-section of people who spoke with Life Xtra had different responses to the issue.
Nurudeen Saeed, a civil servant in his mid-30s, believes that a woman should not hold on to her maiden name after marriage because she is no longer her father’s responsibility, adding that ethically, it was not appropriate for a lady to use her father’s name after marriage. “The responsibilities of the woman have been transferred from her father to her husband now so I don’t think sticking to her father’s name is a good idea at all,” Saeed noted. “The husband deserves some respect and from my point of view, the best way the husband would feel respected is when the wife bears his name. It makes men proud when their wives carry their names and not otherwise. Therefore, the idea of a lady using her surname after marriage is not ideal.”
Felicia Joseph, a 26-year-old youth corps member, says the issue should not even come up for debate because every lady should bear her surname after she is married. She explained that it was her father that took care of her education right from her pre-nursery up to university level so why would she just change her name to someone else’s overnight. She adds that she detests ladies changing their surnames after marriage because it just doesn’t add up in any way.
Joseph cited the case one of her friends who changed her surname and things didn’t turn out well at all at the end of the day: “My friend was married for six years until when problems started arising and eventually she had to divorce her husband. It was really a painful moment for her because she had changed her name to his and after the break-up she had to change back to her father’s name.
“She complained to me bitterly on how people still kept on addressing her by her ex-husband’s name even after the divorce. In fact, she regretted changing her name in the first place because eventually, she had to do change of name on all her important documents. Honestly, I don’t think a woman should change her name just because she is married, it is uncalled for.”
For 40-year-old businesswoman and mother of five Aisha Yusuf, using one’s maiden name shouldn’t be a big deal at all: “I am still using my surname on all my documents and sincerely speaking, I don’t see any big deal in not changing your surname or adding it together with your husband’s own, neither does my husband have a problem with that. Nevertheless, people do address me with his surname, which I absolutely don’t mind. I think it all depends on your partner also. If you have an understanding husband, then he wouldn’t have a problem with whatever decision the woman makes. He should support her in every way he can because the most important thing is their happiness and not what surname the wife bears.”
Obinna Ugochuku, a mechanic in his late 20s, says people try to make an issue out of this but if one looks at it from a positive perspective, one would realise that this is not very relevant. He however, advises couples-to-be to discuss the matter before marriage so they can come to an agreement that would suit both parties.
“Before I got married to my wife, we had a long and clear conversation where we talked about issues like change of surname, the size of our family and other important things related to our marriage. I believe when you sit and discuss vital issues with your partner, things turn out well and everything falls in place,” Ugochukwu says.
“Right from time, I have never had a problem with my wife holding on to her father’s name after our wedding. However, I made it clear to her that she has to add my name. Thus, she uses her first name, her surname and my name as her last name. Interesting, most friends of hers and some of my family members also address her as Mrs. Obinna, which she is totally fine with,” he added.
For Fadilat Abdulkadir, a student, women shouldn’t change their surnames after marriage but stick to their fathers’ names because that is the right and wisest thing to do: “I am using my father’s name because Islam permits a woman to stick to her father’s name in marriage. The woman had an identity before she got married so why just delete it because she is now married. My husband is comfortable with me bearing my father’s name because he knows that is how it should be.”
But Solomon Maigari, an engineer, won’t take that: “Of course, she has to change her name and bear mine. Do you think I paid her bride price for her to still use her father’s name? This is something that doesn’t need to be argued. She would bear my name period!”