Should your hands be in your pocket when speaking to elders?

Customs and etiquettes vary from one country to another. What some may consider as respect may be seen as disrespect in others. For example, in almost every Nigerian home, talking while eating, looking an older person in the face while he’s speaking, and even singing or humming a tune while an elderly person talks are […]

Customs and etiquettes vary from one country to another. What some may consider as respect may be seen as disrespect in others. For example, in almost every Nigerian home, talking while eating, looking an older person in the face while he’s speaking, and even singing or humming a tune while an elderly person talks are viewed as acts of disrespect.
This brings us to another controversial issue: Should your hands be in your pocket while speaking to an elderly person or while an elderly person talks to you? The following is what a cross section of people thinks of the issues. Their responses are as varied as they are interesting.
Architect Jude Abanobi, says: “In our culture, it is absolutely disrespectful for you to put your hand in your pocket when speaking to someone, especially an elderly person. It is seen as a mark of rudeness, or probably looking down on the person, or not seeing relevance in what the person is saying to you. But if you go outside the shores of Nigeria, precisely the Western world, the reverse is the case.” He adds that: “When you put your hand in your pocket, it means a lot of things, including to shield your hands from the cold or to feel more relaxed during a conversation.”
Relating a personal experience, Mrs. Oluchi Edward, a lawyer, recalls how she was lashed at by her boss who got angry with her while she was trying to pass an instruction. “I was absent minded and had my hands were in my pockets while she was speaking to me. She then lashed out at me and concluded that I was being rude and disrespectful. But sincerely that wasn’t it at all; I didn’t even think of it that way. I never knew it was a sign of disrespect,” she explained.
She added that her boss even went as far as asking her if that was how she related with elderly people and also stating how she was old enough to be her mother. “Initially I wanted to pick offence from what she said but then again I thought of it and realised that it was just a sign of misinterpretation from both of us. From then on, I became cautious while relating with my boss and other people around me,” she remarked.
Aisha Musa, a mother and banker, puts it this way: “When relating with others, especially elders, we need to be well coordinated as a sign of respect. Our culture tells a lot about how we show respect to our elders, one of which is not putting our hands in our pockets when speaking to elders. As a matter of fact, it is expected that your head should be down and not looking at the person in the eyes. Curtseying or bowing down when necessary was important and seen as a sign of respect.”
She adds that: “These are all signs of respect which should not be looked down on. Our culture is our pride; the morals instilled in us by our parents cannot be compared to another and hence should be upheld. I will spank my child if he has his hands in his pockets and I am speaking to him, even when he becomes an adult.”
In response to a survey carried out by quora.com on what hands in the pockets symbolise, Elizabeth Felix notes that pocketed hands indicate unwillingness, mistrust and reluctance. If a person keeps his hands in his pockets, you will need to first gain his interest as well as his trust.
She adds that: “Even if someone tries to hide what he’s really thinking, his hand signals can tell you the truth. If you are sensitive to the language of his hands, you can make an appropriate course of action and even get a good response.”
So what do you think about a child or youth who speaks to you with his or her hands in the pockets?