Signs that a relationship is about to crash

In 2014, a US website Mail Online published a report ‘Death of the seven year itch: Average relationship is now just 2 years and 9 months’. The report stemmed from a research conducted by www.VoucherCodesPro.co.uk. The findings put forward that the average length of a relationship is 2 years and 9 months. “Our findings seem […]

In 2014, a US website Mail Online published a report ‘Death of the seven year itch: Average relationship is now just 2 years and 9 months’. The report stemmed from a research conducted by www.VoucherCodesPro.co.uk.

The findings put forward that the average length of a relationship is 2 years and 9 months.

“Our findings seem to suggest that modern relationships have a shorter shelf life as a result of our hectic and technology dominated social lives,” says George Charles, a spokesman of the company.

If this research holds true, then it means there are a lot of broken relationships, as such, LifeXtra sought people’s opinion on the signs that a relationship is about to crash.

Doreen David, an entrepreneur and a social media influencer, said although there are obvious signs of knowing when a relationship is about to crash, many people don’t even know it until it happens.

She said she did not realize her relationship was hitting a point-of-no-return until it happened, and that was when she began recalling all the signs that she ignored.

“For me, I realized it after we broke up. I then noticed we were no longer on the same page when discussing issues. We used to communicate well on several topics especially politics, economics and football. And we always loved it because it made us explore varying ideas and I sometimes include that on my blog,” she said.

“Then we started talking less, and even when we do, we only argued like we are fighting and everyone is always on the defensive. We stopped talking about politics and when I bring it up, he brushes me aside. He was giving me the silent treatment all the time and I still failed to realize it until he stopped calling or responding to my text messages. That was when I realized he was sending a message,” Doreen narrated.

Jubril Yacub, a Lagos-based trader, said he knew his relationship was hitting the rocks when she stopped being herself and started putting up an act.

Yacub said he dated a lady for about five months and when he proposed to her, she began acting like she needed to impress him at all times.

“She was no longer acting like herself and I noticed all her finer qualities were getting covered by her act. I also stopped being patient with her. She will do little things and I would yell at her and walk out on her, it was pretty frustrating. So, when she called me to break off the engagement, I didn’t object,” he said.

Jatau Moses, an Abuja-based teacher, said his marriage ended as a result of buried resentments which festered for years between him and his then wife. He said through the course of the five-year marriage, they would sweep issues bothering them under the carpet and that created the resentments they had for each other that they found difficult to forgive.

“We were saving up money for our house rent and because she was more prudent in spending than I was, we agreed she would be the one to keep the money. But then her daddy had medical emergency and she took part of the money for his surgery without telling me. When it was time to pay the rent and we could not meet up with the payment, and because the landlord got someone who was willing to pay, we were asked to vacate the house,” he said.

Moses confessed he didn’t handle the situation well because “I was really angry and I know I over reacted. I said so many things in the heat of the difficulty we faced, and I knew it broke her. From then, we only lived under the same roof but we were no longer as close as we were. I saw how she resented me and I knew there was little I could do to make it work. So I asked for a divorce.”

Jummai Yusuf, a student, said the minute her boyfriend began ignoring and verbally abusing her, she knew it is time to walk away.

“I had a boyfriend who started calling me ‘ode’ (fool) whenever I said something that was not right or he was not okay with. I told him to stop; he refused and began ignoring me. You can imagine!” Jummai exclaimed.

“His excuse for ignoring me according to my friends who tried to intervene was that I was ordering him around and that he can’t have a lady that he has not even considered marrying telling him what to do. That was when I told him bye bye,” she said.

She said if in a relationship one party is expected to like and accept whatever the other does even if it hurts, then that relationship will not last at all.

“In my case, communication was impossible. The minute I open my mouth, he flies on the defensive and our every discussion becomes a shouting match. It was no longer healthy and I knew it was time to move on,” she said.