Sitting on a crooked stove?

As Africans we are used to cooking on stoves made up of three stones arranged in a triangle. These need to be high enough for the firewood to go under, and closely set for the earthen pot to balance on. As the air flows from different direction, providing the oxygen required, the cook can occasionally […]

As Africans we are used to cooking on stoves made up of three stones arranged in a triangle. These need to be high enough for the firewood to go under, and closely set for the earthen pot to balance on. As the air flows from different direction, providing the oxygen required, the cook can occasionally approach the pot from the least smoky direction, stirring the mixture until the food is done. The stones remain where they are in the open kitchen, for tomorrow’s meals.
For many of us old enough to remember Buhari’s first coming, along with his trusted deputy, the late Tunde Idiabon, three things will remain indelible: their commitment to good governance, their attempt to root out corruption, and their war against indiscipline. In his recent reincarnation we seem to have settled for only two of his famed virtues. Which is a real pity. This pot will not sit well on a two-stone stove. The war against indiscipline, though never mentioned during the campaign, is part of the quintessential Buhari. It must be revived, not just as a tribute to Major General Tunde Idiabon, but also because the current two-stone arrangement is rather unstable.
As things are, Nigerians seem fixed on their old habits, cheering by the side as more revelations are made regarding grand theft and shameless official shenanigans, yet continue with their own disregard for laid down rules and regulations, and their discourteous and disorderly behaviour as if everything else does not matter. Indiscipline is not acceptable, and we cannot just sit, look and wait for others to tell us to correct ourselves.
You know we are still a sorry lot, for example, once you get on our roads. While you patiently join a crawling que of cars trying to get to an express way, or waiting for the lights to turn green, some bastard would just face the oncoming traffic and overtake thirty or so vehicles, only to be assisted by the police to conveniently pass when he gets to the front, as if nothing is amiss. If a traffic jam develops the police merely look on, waiting for a minor accident. Then thy get up from their seats under the shed and try to make some extra spending money. The Road Safety Corps is often worse. Though they had read somewhere that a learner driver should not be driving alone without a licenced driver by the side yet they will see a woman with many kids in her car, the ‘L’ plate prominently displayed, and just wave her on. This morning I saw some of them pretending to “investigate” the cause of an accident involving a fuel tanker and a tricycle taxi while it is clearly stated that the stupid two-stroke engine of the “Keke-NAPEP” is not suitable for the express way, and must not be on it. Even the shop keepers are not left out. They will spread their wares up to the edge of the tarred road, park their car on half of the road or put some heavy boulders to force cars, motor-cycles and pedestrians onto what is left of the narrow road.
The worse are the so-called government workers. They go to work when they feel like, and would tell you there is nothing to do at the office. Frankly, if you see anybody rushing to work very early in the morning they are likely to be on “road block” duty or some local government employees collecting taxes from Okada riders and hawkers, on roads they neither built nor ever maintain.
It is time PMB gets rid of the bosses in the National Orientation Agency and put some new hands who would re=start the War Against Indiscipline. We need the discipline to get to work on time, to follow the Budget and executive directives diligently, to wait for our turn at places, to respect the right of others, to punish cheating teachers, parents and students, to jail quack doctors and indifferent nurses, to scrutinise how judges end up stupendously wealth and jail those of them who are corrupt, ban politicians who take public service as business, among other things. Otherwise this pot of “change” will be sitting on a crooked stove. It may tilt and spill, and even put out the fire. Discipline is not only a guarantor of stability for the pot we are cooking in, but essential for the oxygen the fire requires to keep burning.

Ever heard of CPC?
Talking of which, how many have heard of the CPC? No, it is neither an acronym for some new wonder drug, nor a new political party being formed by stranded PDP orphans and disgruntled APC refugees. It is a fully established federal agency with formidable powers supposedly set up to protect consumers; meaning you and I. If any company, private or public, is providing shoddy and substandard good or service we, the consumers, should be able to rely on it to protect our interests. Or so it should be. Funded by the public, it is supposed to save us from the shoddy services, terrible products and crooked practices of all the racketeers busy milking us dry, or taking us for expensive rides. Take the recent promise by MTN to give free N10,000 air-time to all those who update their SIM card registration. After struggling for days to get that done, they claimed to have credited my account with the said amount. I only made one call which lasted less than two minutes, and they started telling me “You have one-minute left”! I thought it was a joke until I tried calling another number. Well, “Allah ya isa” I said, leaving God to judge the appropriate punishment for the N5,000-a-minute fraud. It is waste of time trying to call “Customer Care” because, like most companies, they recruit those chaps on very nepotistic or corrupt basis, so even if you manage to get through your complaints hardly matter.
Let me state why I suspect the N10,000 gift is a fraud anyway. First, many of my friends experienced the same thing; they got N10,000 “gift”, only for it to disappear as soon as they use a part of it. Secondly, as an incentive to come and correct lapses attributable to MTN’s agents, who only partially registered us and activated the services, I would be surprised if MTN does not try to claim tax rebate for giving about 20 million of us N10,000 free air-time each. Multiply 20,000,000 by 10,000 and you’ll see why I think the NCC and the FIRS would need to scrutinize MTN’s accounts and tax rebate claims next year.
But let us get back to CPC, and why I think it should sit up, or be disbanded. Take the matter of caller-tunes. At only N50 a month, or N20 for seven days, or whatever, we hardly pay attention. But once you accept to subscribe just one time you cannot opt out. They keep on charging you and selecting any crazy stuff they wish for you. With over 100,000,000 subscriber base these service providers make between N5 to N10 billion every month for ring tunes we do not even get to hear, and the caller probably hates. Just call your number from a friend’s line and you could be very unpleasantly shocked at the nonsense they have selected for you. They also hardly ever pay the artists whose copyright they are violating. Another racket is the endless adverts sent and even if you press nothing you get charged for useless “news”, weekly inspirational quotes, football score of “your team”, spiritual guidance from idiots who have no idea which God you worship. We grumble, yes. But because the amounts seem small to us, and the trouble of getting them to desist would be much, we often do nothing. Surely in America, Europe (or even South Africa) the default is not to subscribe you if you ignore the solicitation; here they have no respect for us and we end up with arrogant impunity, and no easy way of opting out. NCC is busy chasing frequency abuse and other violations, but why can’t CPC set up a complaints hotline for such “small” matters? Is change only required at the political level? Time we start insisting for respect and value for our Naira and Kobo.