Some kind of lonely lady

‘Yes it’s me’ I replied smiling back, because though she looked familiar I wasn’t sure who she was. ‘I am Larai, we worked together some time ago …’ she began to explain before I suddenly recognised her.‘Of course I know you.’ I said interrupting her and giving her a hug. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t recognise […]

‘Yes it’s me’ I replied smiling back, because though she looked familiar I wasn’t sure who she was.
‘I am Larai, we worked together some time ago …’ she began to explain before I suddenly recognised her.
‘Of course I know you.’ I said interrupting her and giving her a hug. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t recognise you earlier. It’s been quite a while since we last met. Where have you been all this time?’ I asked.
‘Oh here and there’ she answered.  
‘Come on let’s go back into the mall to that coffee shop. We should greet properly and catch up on old times.’ I suggested.
‘Ok’ she replied a bit reluctantly, looking at her watch.
‘Oh I’m sorry you must be in a hurry since you have finished your shopping. May be we should meet another time, let me just take your phone number.’ I offered.
‘No there’s no problem, we can go to the coffee shop. I think I have an hour to spare.’ Larai urged.
‘You know the first reason I didn’t recognise you,’ I said as soon as we sat at the table in the coffee shop, ‘It’s because you now wear glasses. You didn’t use to when we worked together. Otherwise you still look exactly the same as you did then. It’s almost as if nothing changed for you in the last several years. How long has it been since you left our office?’ I asked.
‘It’s over 15 years. In fact we last met the day you returned from your maternity leave.’ She recalled.
‘Yes that maternity leave was over 15years ago because my son is already 16 now.  You do have an excellent memory.’ I observed.
‘Thank you and how many children do you have now?’ Larai asked.
‘I have four. The one you just referred to was number two, he has two younger siblings, one of them, Little Bint is named after you-can-guess-who.’ I joked.
‘How nice, to have your own namesake from among your children.’ She remarked, with a hint of sadness. Does she not have children of her own, or did she lose a child? I wondered.
‘So how about you, how many do you have?’ I asked with a smile.
‘I have none’ Larai replied, looking down at her hands holding the fruit juice she ordered.
‘Oh I’m sorry to hear this. May Almighty Allah give you one soon, amin. With Him everything is possible.’ I said consolingly.
‘Amin’ she echoed after me, still looking at her cup.
‘No wonder you look exactly as cool and elegant as you were back then.’ I said trying to lighten up the conversation, ‘apparently children haven’t dealt you their aging blow. There is nothing like a child to wear you down. But you just look the same.’ I observed.
‘Life is the same for me, Hajia Bint. I am not married.’ She said.
‘I see, did you get divorced because of childlessness?’ I asked carefully.
‘No Hajia, I never got married at all. If I did I would have invited you.’ Larai explained with a smile.
‘You were never married at all? But it can’t be for lack of suitors, I’m sure. I mean you are far too elegant and eligible not to attract them. What is the problem?’ I demanded.
‘I’m not really sure. I just couldn’t seem to attract the right man. When I was younger my friends were getting married to young eligible bachelors but all I seemed to attract were married men.  I kept running away from them and kept hoping my eligible single Romeo will somehow appear. Well he never did. I kept waiting for him and in the process my friends finished getting married. I began to attend the weddings of their younger siblings and my own too, for that matter, because all my younger sisters are now married. Today I am attending or dodging the weddings of my nieces and friends’ daughters, depending on if I feel up to facing the crowds and enduring the gossip.’ She concluded.
‘I am truly sorry about this Larai. Does this mean there is no one courting you now?’ I asked.
‘Not really, I have some young admirers at work but I don’t even give them the chance to come close. That’s because I can’t help feeling like they see me as some lonely lady that they can befriend and take advantage of. Or even marry and live off my toil and sweat. I just can’t believe they are not sincere. So I’m still waiting and praying for the right husband to come along. I have very limited social life, apart from the office and occasional shopping. I just attend a weekend Islamiyyah school. I don’t want to allow people to hurt me.’ Larai explained.
‘But these young admirers that you dismiss as insincere, how can you tell when you didn’t give them the chance to prove themselves?’ I enquired.
‘I can tell because I am way older than them. Such young, eligible bachelors going for an almost middle-aged lady like me can only have mercenary motives for doing so. Otherwise there are young women all over town they could choose from. This is why I find it impossible to even encourage their advances. In any case they seem to believe that I was either widowed or divorced. And I am aware of the fact that as a general manager in the company, my pay is an added attraction. This is why I can’t allow myself to be exploited.’ She argued with passion.
‘Isn’t this ironic? As a young woman you wanted an eligible young man to marry, all you got were married men and you didn’t want to be wife No. 2 or 3, now you are looking for those same matured married men to settle with and all you get are the same eligible young men you couldn’t get 20 years ago. You see you have to lower your standards if you are serious about getting married at all. You can’t continue saying he has to be this and he has to be that while time is no longer on your side. Consider one of these young men, the one who seems most responsible and give him the chance to know his intentions.’ I urged.
‘No Hajia Bint, do you know how young they are? I am talking about men in their late twenties and early thirties and I will soon be forty-three.’ Larai protested.
‘Forty-three? MashaAllah you are lucky, you don’t look a day older than 35. But the point I’m making is, there is no law against marrying a younger man. Our Rasulullah SAW, first married a woman 15 years his senior. Even though she was the one who proposed marriage to him, he could have rejected her offer if it wasn’t meant to be an example for the rest of us. Again what reason is there for you to believe that the matured, elderly man you now prefer will not harbour any mercenary motives too? Yes a lot of married men with families to support will not mind marrying a woman who can support them financially.
It isn’t only the young men who can recognise a cash cow. Men always have their motives for marrying us, and it isn’t always love. Even Rasulullah SAW had alluded to those motives when he said: “A woman may be married for any of four reasons; her wealth, her beauty, her pedigree and her faith (depth of religious commitment); marry the woman of faith and prosper.” So you see, these motives have always been there. You too can apply it to your young admirers and make a choice, without minding what their own motives are. By this I mean you also should choose the man and of faith and prosper.’ I advised.
‘But Hajia Bint what if I give one a chance only to find out that he is not serious about marriage? You know I told you they mostly think I am widowed or divorced. With that frame of mind they might want to hang around for long without making a commitment, or might think I am desperate so could settle for anything. Meanwhile, as old as I am still eh, I am still…’ her voice trailed off.
‘A virgin.’ I concluded for her. ‘I guessed as much. God will surely reward your ability to keep from sin and save yourself for marriage. I will mobilise friends and relations to all pray for you to find a suitable husband inshaAllah. We will also be on the lookout for the matured types you prefer. Like I said earlier, with God everything is possible. We just have to have faith.’ I advised, patting her hand assuringly.