Stampede to Kwankwobilo

Anytime you approach a checkpoint in a Hilux, you will see how soldiers and policemen are looking at you. Especially if, like me, you sport a beard. They peep here and there to see if you are an insurgent. That was why I was reluctant to ride in a Hilux when it was still dark […]

Anytime you approach a checkpoint in a Hilux, you will see how soldiers and policemen are looking at you. Especially if, like me, you sport a beard. They peep here and there to see if you are an insurgent. That was why I was reluctant to ride in a Hilux when it was still dark but Maikahon Karo pointed out that this is the height of the rainy season. With ponds and flooded streams everywhere on the route we needed a Hilux, so in it we went.
The last time we went to Kwankwobilo sometime last year, the road was very lonely and we did not meet anyone on the road. This time however, we overtook several cars on the dirt road and we also met several cars coming back from that direction. With his encyclopaedic knowledge of politicians in Tafki State, Maikahon Karo recognised many of the cars. “Ah!” he said. “That is Distinguished Senator’s car. He is a regular customer of Boka Maikunkeli. I am sure he is coming from there.” A few minutes later, Maikaho again exclaimed, “That Peugeot car belongs to Goshin Bauna! He uses it for his secret meetings with girlfriends. He must be coming from Kwankwobilo too.”
It is no surprise that many people are going to see Tafki State’s most powerful native doctor. Our party has just released the timetable for primary elections. Our own gubernatorial primaries are only six weeks away. As soon as we heard the timetable, we had an all-night strategy meeting. Everything was discussed in that meeting—money, organisation, power brokers, publicity, security, printing, souvenirs, delegates, logistics, everything. We however agreed that the top priority is to consult Boka Maikunkeli. He had said we should immediately go and see him as soon as the primary election time table is released. He said there are some things he will do to tie up the mouth of power brokers, to tie up the pens of journalists, to tie up the legs of policemen, to tie up the stomachs of our main election opponents and also to tie up the fingers of delegates to the party congress. I was sceptical, but my aides are convinced that Maikunkeli can do it, hence our dawn rush to his house.
It was not easy to see Maikunkeli that day. Many people were waiting to see him, and his aides distributed his clients to various parts of the bush so that they will not see one another. Some clients were made to see in a mud pit; others were made to lie down under some thorny shrubs while still others were made to sit on large, sharp boulders of stone. We were lucky because we were taken to an empty cow shed. The cows had gone for the day’s grazing but their dung and urine was everywhere, so we used our hands and cleared a small patch to sit down. The aides told us that a client must be cleaned of evil spirits before he sees Maikunkeli.
We were ushered into his inner chamber three hours later. The native doctor had only loin cloth around his waist when we went in. He was holding a large horn and was drinking from a cow’s bladder. As soon as we entered, he shouted some incantations and pronounced that we were in luck.  He said we have nothing to worry about because he released some black crows to go and aggravate the quarrel between the Governor and Goshin Bauna. He said the crows will fly over the Government House tonight and urinate on the Governor’s cloth that is hung out to dry. That will make him to go after Goshin Bauna full throttle, he said.
Maikaho however interrupted the native doctor and said, “Look here Maikunkeli, I don’t like deception. How are we sure that you are helping us? On our way here we saw Goshin Bauna’s car. What was he doing here? Are you helping him to overcome his quarrel with His Excellency and now you are telling us that you will send a crow to aggravate it?” Maikunkeli admitted that Goshin Bauna came to see him but that he made him to sit in the toilet all night and sent him away empty handed. I was worried to hear that because he also made us to sit in a toilet, that of cows.
Anyway, before we left, Maikunkeli handed to us a long list of things that he needs in order to tie up the hands of delegates who will vote in the party primaries. They include two white bulls, three black goats, ten red-tailed chickens, a calabash of big white kola nuts and ten green weaved blankets. Just before we stepped out, he whispered to Tsinin Kusa another thing that he said we must bring. My heart sank when I heard it as we entered the car. Maikunkeli said he needs mucus from the nose of an adolescent lion as well as late night urine of a baby buffalo. I screamed and said, “How can we get that? Who is it that will go to an adolescent lion and scrape mucus from its nose?” My aides however told me not to worry, that we will only pay for the native doctor’s boys to go and get it.
The following day, as we were assembling all the white, black and red animals that Maikunkeli demanded, our Youth Wing Leader Maitawaye came in with troubling information. He said the previous night, his scouts saw Goshin Bauna, his campaign manager and his close friend the Commissioner for Health. That the three of them were seen at the riverside late at night bathing in horse dung. After covering themselves in dung, they wore black sheep skin and then spent the whole night inside a cemetery. Boka Maikunkeli was sighted at dawn visiting them in the cemetery.