The 419 Anti-Corruption Squad

–  “Alas that love whose view is muffled still, should without eyes, see pathways to its will. “ –   What is that? –   Shakespeare’s Romeo. –   The nation is burning and all you can think of is stupid love poem. Who’s the unfortunate girl you’re deceiving with love vibes? –   An excellent bride. –   Oh, […]

–  “Alas that love whose view is muffled still, should without eyes, see pathways to its will. “
–   What is that?
–   Shakespeare’s Romeo.
–   The nation is burning and all you can think of is stupid love poem. Who’s the unfortunate girl you’re deceiving with love vibes?
–   An excellent bride.
–   Oh, okay. I thought you were using sweet lies to deceive another woman.
–  At least I got your attention. It proves a point.
–  What point?
– That Naija people are gullible, anyone could press your button if they know how.
–   You should drop Romeo and Juliet and follow live drama.
–   419!
–   No, Nollywood.
–   Absolute Nollywood except that the plot thickens and the outcome is not as easy to predict.
–   What are you babbling about?
–   We’re almost on the same wavelength.
–   $800,000 cash stash!
–   Congratulations. It reminds me of the story of the man who has ten yams but went to town announcing that his barn is full.
–  By your opposition to the war on corruption, we will know you unpatriotic elements.
–   The blackmail won’t stick.
–  If the judges had known what hour the EFCC and DSS would be knocking, they probably would have asked to store them in your barns.
–   Pathological liars, schemers and scam artists. From my recollections, the money you people have found on paper, cesspools, and fictitious bank accounts; plus the ones recovered from the throats of goats who allegedly voluntarily vomited their loot, why is there still a recession? Ask yourself how much of that stash is being captured in the proposed 2017 budget or are they in our foreign reserves? Yet, you guys have plans to sell off the remainder of our common patrimony – 419 lots!
–   See you?
–  See me. What the hell is wrong with you people? So stupidly hoodwinked by gullibility? How much was allegedly recovered from Santa Dasuki?
–  Ah, we’re getting there; the corruptible judges have blindfolded the eyes of justice to tip the scales in favour of the rotten.
–  Moron! This gestapo style of shaming people before you have found evidence makes it impossible to successfully prosecute them in courts of law. Courts don’t convict based on hearsay or wishful thinking, cases are proved either beyond reasonable doubts or the balance of probabilities.
–   The judges are corrupt – simple!
–  Perhaps so, and using gang-style midnight raids and breaking down doors is your best bet. What happens to getting warrants from members of the bench loyal to your cause and carrying out a lawful daytime search and arrest? How do you present this midnight evidence in court to secure a conviction? At any rate when has it become unlawful for people to have money in their homes when your financial cluelessness is scaring people from banks? Your officials are openly canvassing for permission to steal retirement funds. This is pure charade.
–   They are corrupt!
–  This is my problem with you guys; gullibility has divested all regime parrots of the capacity to reason. How do you make this midnight evidence stick? How are you sure that these judges don’t have registered bureau de change just like the general who bought Dubai homes from his snake farming? This is how you bungle things up, then they go to ECOWAS court to get your judicial noses bloodied and you’re ordered to fritter the little you have in paying compensation.
–   I don’t care, they did the crime, and they should be prepared to do the time.
–   So what happened to the millions you found buried in a cesspools?
–   I don’t know.
–   Shouldn’t you? Knowing that this is not the first time that this epic drama is unfolding in Naija. Remember the Naira on the mace under Umar Ghali Na’Abba? Where did it end? Remember the alleged $15 million bribe that Ibori gave to Ribadu? Where did it end?
–   Your hero was convicted in London, that’s evidence there. All doubting Uches would eat their words and cover their faces in shame.
–  Amen. All I am saying is that this whole saga reeks of official 419. If I were your hero, I would concentrate on governance; publish what I have recovered so far and from whom, then go ahead to give an official roadmap to Naija out of recession. In the absence of facts, these are titillating tales by moonlight.
–   It’s not a ruse.
– Fact: the behemoths of corruption have only been changing parties, not their ways. Besides, whenever any member of the inner caucus is accused of the same corruption, they are quickly ‘investigated’ and exonerated. Its either you’re fighting a real war or you’re all political 419.
–   Its real.
– Evidence my friend, evidence is what convicts, not faith.
–   We have the evidence.
–   Gathered under the cover of darkness.
–   What do you people want, we’re fighting corruption and you’re querying the means. You want to stay with the status quo, Tufiakpa. We’ll soon start identifying and shaming those who support the eaters of our yams.
–   It’s cheaper to build goat-proof barns than gather vomits.