The Anguish of a parent
It has been a while that I have thought to write a column. Much as I have wanted to keep it regular with my column, I am a victim alas, of many distractions. A writer of my type suffers from a cocktail of distractions, as if it were not a cocktail of attractions that fire […]
It has been a while that I have thought to write a column. Much as I have wanted to keep it regular with my column, I am a victim alas, of many distractions. A writer of my type suffers from a cocktail of distractions, as if it were not a cocktail of attractions that fire up the ink in the pen. More so given a country like ours. So much happens every new day, such that pricks the conscience of an ombudsman which a columnist lays claim to being.
For days now, my mind has dwelt on the anguish of parents. How does anyone imagine the pain and anguish of former PDP Chairman Bello Halliru, whose look alike son, supposedly in a blissful marriage dies in a pool of his own blood, with lethal wounds circumstantial to an altercation with his lovely wedded wife? It is a bizarre turn of events. What more could the senior Bello have done to assure his son of a long life of matrimonial bliss and comfort? Education? An owned posh house? A career?
What of Maimuna Aliyu, the mother of the girl Mariam, now in the hands of the jailers. How does anyone imagine the anguish of a Mother, and Mother in Law, holding her cherished grandchild, yet mourning the death of a son-in-law and still, looking at her daughter in the hands of the law, charged with complicity in her husband’s death? What more could Maimuna have done to ensure her daughter’s future in a life of matrimonial bliss and comfort? Education? An owned posh house? A career?
These are two young children well catered for in life, given good education and living in owned property in highbrow area of Abuja. They hardly have any earthly need other than their own happiness – a matter even of their choice! Today, patriarch Bello Haliru’s hopes are dashed as he accepts the will of Allah in the destiny of his promising son’s demise. Matriarch Mariam Aliyu must eyes closed be praying, I imagine, that the hands of the clock could turn backwards, the tragedy reversed, and time reset. Painful.
Every parent in Nigeria feels their anguish. Knowing them, I share the heartaches of Malam Bello Haliru and Malama Maimuna Aliyu in this most trying time. Certainly this tragic turn of events is not what was hoped and prayed for when their children came together in matrimony. Oh how one could wish they could deal with the tragedy away from the circus of media that we see every day. They are deserving of prayer and all forms of emotional support.
Every child is an arrow taken out of a quiver. Once sent forth in life, the arrow has been shot, the rest is for the child to fly, soar, and deal with the winds of fortune. A parent does not shoot an arrow and run with it to ensure that it hits the mark, even when hitting the mark is for the good of that arrow. A parent can only wish and pray – and a parent’s wish and prayer can give the shot arrow more speed. A parent’s prayer can enable a failing arrow change course, reconfigure the flight, and home in onto the parent’s best wishes.
Parents suffer untold anguish when as much and as hard as we try for our offspring, our children could miss a turn and go off the smooth path we have laid for them and on to a bumpy road, needing rescue. A parent lives in perpetual fear of an unknown threat. What bad would my offspring fall into in this vast wicked world? Kidnappers? An altercation with a trigger happy police stop and search? A security sweep of nightspots and your offspring is in the dragnet? Or is it that you looked on the tv and found that one or two of those wretched young men being sold into a modern day slavery are your sons?
The lot of us parents is that we remain unaware of the full spectrum of the vast world our children are exposed to. Our children live in a world made much smaller by television, the internet and the powerful social media. How are we to know the impact of Hollywood, Bollywood Nollywood, Kannywood, away from our religious, cultural, and traditional tenets? Do we even imagine that our children have an altar in their homes dedicated to the smoking of Shisha? How are we to know their mindsets given these exposures? The unknown truth is buried with the deceased. The known pain and angst stays with us the living parents as we plead grace from the mercy seat of the Almighty.
Scriptures admonish us to give words to our children, even as they too are admonished to “pay attention” to our words and “incline their ears to (our) sayings”. With words, we give children the set of values they require to run the course of their lives, and upon all of this, we hope and pray for good without ceasing. But our responsibilities over our children are our burden to bear for all of our life. To give nothing but a blessed word, breathed into a blessed ear. There is nothing whose value surpasses the value of the words that we speak parentally into the ears of our children. Not the education, not the mansions, not the flashy cars, not the cash, and certainly not the gold and silver. Just our words.