The art of a positive ‘no’

There are times in relationships that we say ‘no’ the wrong way and end up hurting the feelings of those we love most. Saying ‘no’ the wrong way could have adverse effects on our relationships. A friend once complained that his friend was always in the habit of saying and declining his good intentions in […]

There are times in relationships that we say ‘no’ the wrong way and end up hurting the feelings of those we love most. Saying ‘no’ the wrong way could have adverse effects on our relationships. A friend once complained that his friend was always in the habit of saying and declining his good intentions in a very humiliating and derogatory way. In the long run puts him off and makes him start thinking if he should continue with the relationship.

Saying ‘no’ the wrong way can destroy what we treasure and value most by alienating and angering people. That is why saying ‘no’ the right way without hurting people’s feelings is crucial.

Every day we find ourselves in situations where we need to say ‘no’, but as we all know, the wrong ‘no’ can be very expensive and disastrous. For example, a friend of mine explained that he asked if she will be opportune to go out for lunch with him and instead of her to decline or even give a simple excuse, all she could say by text was “well if it exceeds 3pm, forget it because I have got other things to do”. This is a very good example of a negative and demoralising no as it will not speak well about whoever utters such negative responses.

For Hajiya Ramatu Nuhu, a guidance and councillor, “A positive ‘no’ has the power to profoundly transform our lives, needs, values and priorities. Saying ‘no’ can be positive experience with a little bit of foresight, if we really have to say ‘no’ or turn down an offer, we should be able to say it with respect and if possible give reasons why you cannot meet the proposed offer or better still suggest an alternative for the proposal. But not by out rightly turning down the offer, that will only be cynical of you.”

Every relationship, whether personal or professional, will present us with requests for our time. And there is that tendency for us to turn down these requests but it can be done in a mature and polite way so as not to cause any misunderstanding. Saying no politely can help build and make the relationship stronger rather than straining it. Turning down a request or proposal can take nerves but when it is necessary it can be done politely without rubbing it in the person’s face. When you know that you cannot meet up with such request get yourself and acts together by kindly and firmly turning it down.

For Mrs Amaka Madume, an accountant she says learning the art of saying no positively is a necessity “Since there are not enough hours in a day to meet up and appease everyone that wants your attention or assistance, learning the art of saying no without hurting others is a necessity. Though it will not be out of place to state that some people find it difficult to say no. thereby go out of their way to satisfy and meet up the demands of others. Saying no respectfully and humbly will go a long way to show that you would have loved to but due to time constraints or other commitments it might not be feasible. Saying no does not mean you have to rude about it, there are various polite and assertive ways that you can tell people no when the need arises”.

In this life people are always going to ask you to do things that are way out of your control. Rejecting positively is the only way you could be doing yourself and the other a lot of favour. Being polite about it and in the process be free of any guilt is the way to go.  Saying no without taking into consideration the other person’s feelings will only make you appear inconsiderate and even give an impression that you are being dishonest about the whole thing.