The art of listening

Listening has become so important in our world today. We live in a world where so many people have something to say but are not patient enough to listen to others. It is very common in our world today to see partners in dialogue who in the attempt to win an argument by all means […]

Listening has become so important in our world today. We live in a world where so many people have something to say but are not patient enough to listen to others. It is very common in our world today to see partners in dialogue who in the attempt to win an argument by all means turn minor issues in a simple conversation to unnecessary feud. In speaking, the content of the heart is revealed. In talking the thoughts of human beings are revealed but without proper listening and discernment contentious issues could lead to verbal vendetta when a person goes into a conversation with preconception.
Given that listening has become a complex art, Julian Treasure recommends that listening should be taught in schools. For him, listening is the main way we flow from time to space. The world has become so noisy and we are becoming impatient so we need conscious listening that creates understanding. Julian captured the art of listening with this acronym, RASA (Receive, Appreciate, Summarise and Ask). When a person listens attentively, he or she receives the information. If this information is appreciated, it could be summarised to enable questions for further clarifications and a better understanding. Julian affirms that a world where we do not listen to others is a very frightening place. Here is how James captures the art of listening. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1, 19).
The sages in the Old Testament taught the young people the art of listening:  “My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God (Proverb 2, 1-5). In the Gospel of the 24th Sunday of the year, Jesus presents the art of listening as a response to a word of counsel offered in love and respect from a concern partner in dialogue. A word well listened to leads to a change of attitude, so Jesus told his followers, “If your brother commits a sin go to him in private and discuss with him about the fault, if he listens to you, you have won back your brother (Matthew 18, 15). This inter-personal dialogue creates a sacred space for awareness. In that space the sinner has the freedom to tell his own side of the story. This private meeting is an art of respect that gives a sacred opportunity that could also lead to intra-personal dialogue. Here, the sinner seeks silence and quiet in solitude to encounter his or her interior self. This leads to self rediscovery and a change of heart. This is the meaning of interior conversion: “You have won back your brother”, whom sin has separated from self, neighbour, community and God.  
In the reading from the Old Testament of the 24th Sunday of the year, Ezekiel presents dialogue with sinners as an obligation and a mandate which God has given to the prophet. “Son of man, I have appointed you a watchman for the house of Israel. When I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked man, you will surely die,’ and you do not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood I will require from your hand. But if you on your part warn a wicked man to turn from his way and he does not turn from his way, he will die in his iniquity, but you have delivered your life” (Ezekiel 33, 7-9).
The approach of Jesus however goes beyond just going to warn the sinner. He recommends intra-community and intra-ecclesial dialogue:  “If he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matthew 18, 16-17). The recommendation of making one who refuses to listen, an out-cast, is an indication that a person who claims to know everything and does not need the counsel of another to change is a danger to the community. No one person is greater than the community and the Church. The Church is the body of Jesus Christ. To this body, Jesus gives power to bind and loose. “Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be considered bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be considered loosed in heaven (Matthew 18, 18).
Dialogue should therefore lead to an agreement that would make Christ present. In the dialogue of religious experience, prayer is the bond while Jesus Christ is the narrative. This is how Jesus expresses this: “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by my Father who is in heaven. “For where two or three have gathered together in my name, I am there in their midst” (Matthew 18, 19-20). Paul told the Romans, “owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbour has fulfilled the law” (Romans 13, 8). In the context of this reflection, dialogue, conversation, preaching and counselling should be done in love. The response to the Psalm (94), of the 24th Sunday is, “Oh that today, you would listen to his voice, harden not your heart”. The art of listening therefore is an art of respect and love. It shows a readiness for self development and change. Isaiah pleads, “Listen and hear my voice; pay attention and hear what I say” (Isaiah 28, 23). Jesus reminds us that the ear should be used for its purpose. “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear” (Mark 4, 9).
Faith comes from hearing (Romans 10, 17) so we should be patient and learn from the wisdom of others. This does not negate our subjective wisdom. We actually learn more by listening instead of doing all the talking and defending our positions. In the field of knowledge and wisdom, no one is an island. Too much talking sometimes reveals the ignorance of a person. Silence is the cream of wisdom. He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool that will never learn. “If one gives an answer before one hears, it is his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18, 13). The Sages give this advice: “Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge, for it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, if all of them are ready on your lips (Proverbs 22, 17-18). Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future (Proverbs 19, 20).  
Fr. Prof. Cornelius Afebu Omonokhua is the Director of Mission and Dialogue of the Catholic Secretariat of Nigeria, Abuja and Consultor of the Commission for Religious Relations with Muslims (C.R.R.M), Vatican City. [email protected]