The battle of loneliness

“Since my husband passed away over two years now, life has not been the same as most of my late husband’s friends have turned their backs on me and my children. It does not stop there; my in-laws claim that I killed my husband and have denied us his property and I have no choice […]

“Since my husband passed away over two years now, life has not been the same as most of my late husband’s friends have turned their backs on me and my children. It does not stop there; my in-laws claim that I killed my husband and have denied us his property and I have no choice than to run about to sustain the upkeep of my children. As if that is not enough, now, my neighbours say I sell my body to make ends meet.

“What hurts me more is that no one wants to help but the issue of gossip about me from different quarters is inhumane and derogatory. The loneliness that comes with this situation is too much for me to bear. A lonely life is definitely a battle ground.” These were the words of a widow in her early 30s, Mrs. Bolanle Biodun (not real name). This is just one of the many traumas a widow faces in trying to cope with life after the death of her husband, bringing to focus that she has children to also cater for.

Widowhood is fast becoming a synonym for abuse in our society and this only tells how insensitive the society is turning into as widowhood is one of the toughest battles of loneliness that a woman faces in life. Widowhood is psychologically a more difficult experience for women than men. Widow! Indeed, the name consumes itself. Widowhood is similar to divorce in that it signifies the end of a marriage; it is also different from divorce in some important ways.

Widowhood is certainly not a life epilogue, neither is it an abstraction; it is real and something that can happen at any time to anybody. Turning your back on these widows is not in any way the nicest thing to do to them at the point of their darkest hours. Most times, what these widows need is just compassion and moral support. Showing that you understand what they are going through is enough booster to ease the traumatic experience they are passing through at that moment. You could also help by staying in touch with a widow so that she does not feel the loss and lonely.

The injustice against widows is silent that no one seems to notice or bother about what happens to them.

No labour is more pleasing than assisting widows and orphans. Touching the life of a widow means indirectly saving the children from having a lifetime of vicious cycle of child labour which is what we see around us every day in their bid to meet up with the demands of the home.

Have you ever wondered what help you could give a widow to make a positive impact in her life and not hinder her. The death of a partner is a time of transition; when a woman losses her husband, she is dealing with other practical matters that involve the kids and finances. A widow once said, “Do accept that we are where we are not by our own making. Marriages are brief, long, healthy, dysfunctional, intense and remote, and death comes suddenly. Again, our experiences are so different, so are we and so is our journey through grief.”  With such intense emotions, what kind of heart of a human can add more to the trauma this widow feels?

As life goes by, we never find ourselves in the same position. You may split up with or lose your partner, lose your friends or be befallen by a predicament. This may leave us lonely in all ramifications. Life can throw lots of surprises our way, but there are always ways of combating the feeling of loneliness. It starts with you having a positive mind about changing your situation and that of others.