The building’s foundation

Never mind that I find cigarette smoke to be repugnant these days even though I used to be a heavy smoker myself. In fact, I was a smoker right from secondary school when we used to pretend to go and ease ourselves in the bush, then pull out a cigarette stick and quickly smoke it. […]

Never mind that I find cigarette smoke to be repugnant these days even though I used to be a heavy smoker myself. In fact, I was a smoker right from secondary school when we used to pretend to go and ease ourselves in the bush, then pull out a cigarette stick and quickly smoke it. We will then cut a branch of neem tree and brush our teeth with it to banish the smell. My favourite that time was Three Rings but I shifted to Rothmans before I quit smoking.
This question that Maikaho asked, which answer can I give? I have money quite alright but I don’t know how much of it will be enough for this project. Politicians are very greedy. They want you to be pouring money into their pockets like water into a sieve. When I was in service, anytime the perm sec or the minister asked me a tricky question I pretended to be pouring tea into my cup while I thought of the right answer. This time too I pretended to be busy opening Goggon Abuja’s food dishes. I opened this one, then this one, then that one. Finally, when I decided on my answer, I sat back in my chair.
I said, “Maikaho, let me answer that question the way our secondary school Geography teacher Mr. Salami used to say. He used to say, ‘Don’t pour more water into River Niger than it needs to reach the Atlantic.’ I want to hear from you now, how much money do you think is necessary for me to realize my ambition? Let us do it that way. When I hear how much money you think will be necessary, then I will tell you how much of it I am ready to spend.”
Maikaho smiled, broke another piece of kola nut and began to chew it. He likes hide and seek games and he is beginning to see me as someone that can match his political rigmarole abilities. Did he think I was in the civil service for 31 years for nothing? If it is hide and seek game, can you match a civil servant who is negotiating with a slippery contractor? Or can you match a civil servant who is briefing a newly appointed minister and is trying to confuse him so that he will end up leaving the ministry without knowing what we are doing?
While Maikaho was chewing his kola and still gathering his thoughts, Tsinin Kusa chipped in. He too is fond of hide and seek. He said to me, “Yallabai, your question is not baseless. Politics is not like buying something in a supermarket where the price tag is attached to each item. No one can say that this is the amount of money required to win the governorship election. No one can say that because it depends on what the other people who are looking for the same post will spend. Even if somebody tells you that you should spend one billion naira, what is the use of that if your opponent spends two billion? That is why your question is in order, but that is also why Maikaho is right when he said we should have an idea of how much you are ready to spend in this journey.”
Maikaho had finished chewing his kola and he now sat straight up. What Tsinin Kusa said was apparently meant to help his master to gather his thoughts, and he was now ready to speak. So he said, “Alhaji, you know we are lucky because you are looking for this post when the governor of Tafki State is about to finish his second term. If you are to contest against an incumbent governor, you know that the cost will be much higher. Since the governor is not contesting, we expect things to be a little bit less costly then during the last election. I will now list for you the things that we will have to do between now and the primary election.”
Again Maikaho lighted a cigarette. This man likes drama. He then said, “We must go and greet the governor. We must go and greet the emirs and seek their blessing. We must go and greet all the big Malams so that they will pray for us. We must visit all the political elders and seek their blessing. We must visit the police commissioner and the DPOs. Then we need a campaign committee in every local government and in every ward. Each campaign committee in every local government needs the tools to work with. Then we need a women’s wing led by your wives. Then we need a youth wing, who are the ones to help us at rallies and in pasting campaign posters. Then we need a security team, such as Yan Daba, to protect us from rivals. These are the things to start with.”
I didn’t know when I said, “To start with? You mean all this going round is just to start with? So what do you finish with?” Both Maikaho and Tsinin kusa laughed aloud. Maikaho sat back in his chair and was puffing again. He now said, “Going round to greet people is just like the foundation when you are building a house. The main building, the ceiling, the roof and the fittings will come later. The water and light connection, garden, carpets, curtains and furniture will come still later.”
I sat up. “Kai Maikaho! How can you say all these are just like the foundation? Ok, tell me. What is the ceiling?” Now Maikaho laughed so loudly that he could be heard outside. He said, “You want to know what the ceiling is when you have not heard what the main building and the fittings are?” “Yes,” I said. “I want to know what is the ceiling.” He leaned over to me conspiratorially and said, “The ceiling is the state and local government returning officers. To get them to cooperate with us. That is the ceiling.”