The fire next time

But it was Yaya Ummi and Yaya Abba who said I mustn’t let you hear the message.’ She replied. ‘Really, what could be so important that I must not be allowed to hear it?’ Tahir asked with irony. Little Bint turned to look at me, totally confused as to how to obey conflicting instructions without […]

But it was Yaya Ummi and Yaya Abba who said I mustn’t let you hear the message.’ She replied.

‘Really, what could be so important that I must not be allowed to hear it?’ Tahir asked with irony.

Little Bint turned to look at me, totally confused as to how to obey conflicting instructions without hurting either of the two parties. I took pity on her innocent five-year-old mind and said. ‘Don’t worry LB I will handle this. Meanwhile tell them our agreement is they will only collect it in the afternoons. So go ahead and tell them.’

As she moved from the garden towards the house Tahir rose and grabbed her. When she landed on his laps laughing, he had playfully held her captive before saying, ‘Ok, out with it. What did they send you to whisper?’

‘They said I should ask Mummy to give them back their phones, and that if you were still here I should not let you hear.’ LB answered looking up at him.

‘What are you doing with their phones?’ Tahir asked, addressing me while holding unto our youngest child.

‘Just trying to enforce the new rule.’ I replied smugly.

‘And what new rule is that?’ He persisted.

‘The rule that says all teenage phone owners must submit their phones to me at 8pm and collect it 4pm the next day.’ I explained.

‘I don’t even know about it yet they don’t want me to know they want their phones back? It doesn’t make sense. Why did you make this rule?’

‘I think you should let LB go, let’s not bore her with our adult talk.’ I requested. Getting the hint, Tahir loosened his grip on the little girl and let her go.

‘You see, Asabe had a horrible experience last week when her daughter received one of those late night free calls. It was so bad she couldn’t sleep a wink. And after we met over it we all resolved to be confiscating phones every evening from 8pm. Prevention is better than cure. ‘ I said.

‘Apart from the obvious unsuitability of the timing, what was so wrong about Asabe’s daughter receiving a late night free call? You all seem to be making a big fuss of the whole incident.’ He replied.

‘That’s easy for you to say. You were not the poor divorced mother who walked into her children’s room at 2am only to hear her 15 year old telling some faceless stranger that she loved him.’ I said with deliberate slowness.

‘Was that happened, which of her daughter’s was involved?’ he asked in shock.

‘Mimi and remember she’s even younger than our Ummi. Anyway it turned the caller was her teenage classmate from school. Asabe’s initial fear was her daughter might be involved with grown man. But it was still a wake- up call for us to do something on the GSM menace.’

‘Well, as scary as that sounds I don’t think you have much to fear from our own children, I don’t believe they have that much exposure.’ He defended.

‘A’a don’t bet on that. When I called them to declare the new rule and why, I was surprised to notice that neither of them said anything about using or receiving free night calls. I honestly expected them to say something like ‘But Mummy we never receive late night calls’, but I heard no such thing. So you see, for all we know such calls have been coming here every night. We wouldn’t know where to see the fire next time,’ I insisted.

‘Maybe, maybe not, but why was it necessary to keep it away from me?’

‘That’s because I said if you were to hear the story from Asabe’s house you will end up instructing that the phones be confiscated all together. And they don’t want that to happen.

‘That’s not fair Bint, why make me look like a dragon Dad. I will never go for such a draconian measure and you know it. So why make me sound like someone who could do it?’

‘Because the children don’t know that you can’t. To them you are a strict disciplinarian who should be feared. So whenever I threaten, I have to make it look like I have your backing.’ I answered.

‘I see, so all this while I try to reach out to my children, be approachable, nice, kind, understanding and all you are doing was making me seem like the opposite. Somehow it never occurred to me you will try to sabotage my relationship with them.’ He accused.

‘This is not sabotage Tahir, please don’t exaggerate.’ I replied laughing, ‘this is a tactic all mothers adopt because it’s the only way our kids will take us seriously. Otherwise they will break all our rules with impunity because as they say familiarity breeds contempt and they are very familiar with us. As for you fathers, because you are not that domesticated and familiar, they see your word as law. That is just it.’ I explained.

‘Believe me I don’t like this tactic, it just makes us look like some hideous monsters while we are trying hard to be humane. I think it’s more like a tactic to make you mothers seem more likeable and kind,’ he accused.

‘Ok, hubby dear, I will tell you what it is. We mothers don’t care whether our children like us or not when we are doing what we know is best for them. Our main concern is to have them grow into good morally upright adults. If ever they turn out to be good, no one will ever remember to commend us. The credit usually goes to the father. Everyone will only remember them as your children. But if they were to end up as, God forbid, a disgrace to the family, the whole world will say it’s their mother’s fault. They will say it’s I who failed to bring them up correctly. This is what all mother’s fear. And this is why we use every tactic to get them to toe the line, whether it makes father’s popular or not.’ I concluded.

‘I see, but imagine going out of my way to say breakfast in the garden, under the tree every weekend just so I can interact with them in a more relaxed atmosphere. Then we drive out whenever I can  just so we can enjoy one another’s companionship. Only to discover that instead of seeing me as some kind ‘cool Dad’ all they see is the man who makes the rules. It’s not flattering at all.’ Tahir insisted.

‘Yes, it may not be flattering to you now’ I said reaching out for his hand on the garden table ’but believe me the day they grow into the worthy adults you would like them to be, you will be the happiest father in the world. It wouldn’t matter a hoot what they thought of you as children, it’s the end result that will matter, believe me.’ I assured him with my brightest smile.